(Support Thread) What's Bothering You Right Now? - Page 650 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #12981 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 04:50 PM
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The future continues to be scarily uncertain and I'm conflicted with making a great decision but I don't know what to do. I still have Japanese translation as a deep passion and interest but I still feel it's too risky and a bad idea for me to go with Foreign Language (or anything else under Liberal Arts, for that matter) as a major. Computer Science sounds like a much more secure idea job-wise, but I'm not sure if I'll make it in the major (I suck at Math) and now I hear pay for software engineers in Japan is ****. I'm afraid that'll put a damper on my goal to one day live there..

Well, I'm sure there are alot of alternatives and I don't know how bad the pay for developers in Japan really is..considering I only went off of hearsay from other people online and it may be a relative thing. (High income isn't one of my priorities at all. I just want to earn a decent salary at best.) It's not like I know already whether or not I will decide to stay there long-term, either.

Now I've been thinking about double majoring in Foreign Language and CS but I was told the cost would exceed in-state tuition. I've considered majoring in one and minoring in the other, but I don't know what that will really do to my job prospects for either. I don't want it to end up that my CS minor is seen as useless and on top of that my Language major has screwed me out of a job, or vice versa.

On another note, there's still some glaring personal problems that make me worried if I'll end up having to stop my education again or not. My mother is effectively going through with trying to sell the house now, but now that she lost her job she's having difficulty paying it off. I'm scared if we might get evicted before she can.

I'm terrified there are only increasingly bigger road blocks ahead that I won't be able to overcome anymore. I feel like an idiot fighting a losing battle.



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


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post #12982 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 10:16 PM
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Getting home was rough.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #12983 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 05:05 AM
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High school reunion tonight, anxious.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #12984 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 12:00 PM
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High school reunion tonight, anxious.
You can do it mate.

Stay strong.

In the woods they found.
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post #12985 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 02:20 AM
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Why do I care so much what one has to say in response WHEN ITS FREAKIN 4 AM AND EVERYONE IS ASLEEP. Fml. Brb, tired of neuroses.
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post #12986 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 04:22 AM
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Every ****ing morning. Mood 2 or 3 out of 10. Moclobemide + caffeine seem to act as a stimulant and my mood boosts up to 7 or 8 by the evening, and then i crash.

Social contact is also a driver for positive mood for me, its ridiculous. When I feel alone and abandoned, my loneliness just skyrockets and I feel totally horrible.

I went to my "friends" last night, and tbh, I just hated it. They aren't my kind of people. And I was getting weird "vibes" from them, tbh. I am very good at picking up irregularities on body language, though I am unable to attribute meaning.



Last two weeks. This isn't normal. Every low point is when I wake up.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #12987 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 12:38 PM
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Great song. Before I played it I was trying to work out what the title was - it started with why don't you get ... and I instantly thought it was going to be ... get a life. (sounds like something I should think about doing again soon.)

Sounds like you're Mum's driving you nuts. I'm very glad my son doesn't live with his mother anymore. I'd have a lot more to worry about than whether her iPad is listening to her or not.
Lol it's a great song, it cheers me up. I think I might have to join that band wagon.

Yeahh, it's a little bit too b*tchy for my liking. She was away on holiday last week and my nerves have calmed something shocking. I think that's pretty normal. Hopefully gives you more time to relax! Is there still talks of the iPad? I really want to think it's just a virus or a little bit of paranoia.

Our hopes and expectations. Black holes and revelations.
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post #12988 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 12:55 PM
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My Sunday to do list is done:

Important documents filled out ✔ DONE
Cat litter cleaned and cat fed ✔ DONE
Counters, desks, tables, drawers, chairs, sinks disinfected and cleaned ✔ DONE
Floors: broomed, vaccummed, and mopped ✔ DONE
Toilet: sparkly clean ✔ DONE
Dishes: washed ✔ DONE
Laundry ✔ DONE

Nowwwww... I mean. It's right there. Right in my closet. Everything I need to do is done. There are maybe 8-10 hours left in this day. Yesss... I could brush up on my knowledge about certain things to make me advance in my career, work on a few projects, buttttttt. Why not get a little buzz and buy a WoW subscription instead. Damn! Okay no. Maybe yes. Gas and the brakes. I'll stop when it starts feeling good. How about that?
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post #12989 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 12:59 PM
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Lol it's a great song, it cheers me up. I think I might have to join that band wagon.

Yeahh, it's a little bit too b*tchy for my liking. She was away on holiday last week and my nerves have calmed something shocking. I think that's pretty normal. Hopefully gives you more time to relax! Is there still talks of the iPad? I really want to think it's just a virus or a little bit of paranoia.
If it's any consolation my son and my wife drive each other nuts too. I went up there on Saturday and when my son arrived it was sort of like a tornado hit the damn house. We spent the next few hours trying to talk about it all. As usual I was sitting between them acting as referee. I still feel so tired it's like I've been hit by a truck.

Oh no she's forgotten all about the iPad now - there's always something else to deal with at her place.
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post #12990 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 06:11 PM
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@SplendidBob

Impressive that you keep track of thät sort of stuff.

Humans need to socialize, as are very social.

I remember someone said one time to override that mood is to wake up, get up.

Don't linger too long before getting up.

In the woods they found.
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post #12991 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 07:06 PM
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I think I'm gonna have to suck it up and go to the doctors. I hate going I feel like Im going to get diagnosed with cancer or something else really horrible.

I've been having major difficulties breathing. I think it's related to my job and stress. Could be the change in weather too. Im guessing it's my asthma coming back. I used to have it bad when I was younger. But part of me thinks it could be something worse and I don't want to face it.

I'm also gonna have to cancel my dentist appointment because I can't handle doing these two things at the same time. But it takes forever to get an appointment at the dentist... weeks! But it's just too much

Really struggling right now. Also, my crush has a gf and I'm.. crushed.
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post #12992 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 07:08 PM
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@caelle

Sorry to hear.

In the woods they found.
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post #12993 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-23-2019, 08:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mondo_Fernando View Post
@SplendidBob

Impressive that you keep track of thät sort of stuff.

Humans need to socialize, as are very social.

I remember someone said one time to override that mood is to wake up, get up.

Don't linger too long before getting up.
Just started tracking, glad I did as it's a very clear pattern.

Yup absolutely re socialising, and yes, the sooner I get up and get going the better, which is what I do now.. I just need to work on those aspects of my life that will let me build up the social network I need. .

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #12994 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-23-2019, 11:24 AM
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Just started tracking, glad I did as it's a very clear pattern.
Life pattern (name for it)?

The boards, etc on the wall in your video's impressed me too.

Wish I was that organised.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
Yup absolutely re socialising, and yes, the sooner I get up and get going the better, which is what I do now.. I just need to work on those aspects of my life that will let me build up the social network I need. .
Thinking you'll achieve those goals (like you have done in the past) with being that organised.

In the woods they found.
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post #12995 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-23-2019, 02:09 PM
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If it's any consolation my son and my wife drive each other nuts too. I went up there on Saturday and when my son arrived it was sort of like a tornado hit the damn house. We spent the next few hours trying to talk about it all. As usual I was sitting between them acting as referee. I still feel so tired it's like I've been hit by a truck.

Oh no she's forgotten all about the iPad now - there's always something else to deal with at her place.
What is with that? My mum and I are pretty headsy. Hopefully they came to some agreement, not fair you being in the middle.

That's good to know! Lol hopefully it's manageable.

Our hopes and expectations. Black holes and revelations.
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post #12996 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-23-2019, 03:04 PM
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What is with that? My mum and I are pretty headsy. Hopefully they came to some agreement, not fair you being in the middle.
I'm not completely sure what it is tbh. I'll say what I think part of it is - with my son at least.

I think when we're young we sort of think the world revolves around us. We haven't had the life experience to see things from other people's perspective - sometimes we put all the blame onto someone else (maybe a parent) and fail to see that we were in that relationship too - and so played a huge part in what happened.

One day he'll hopefully have kids of his own. He'll get a very different perspective on things then.

As for being in the middle - I love them both more than anything in the world, so I don't have much choice. I need to try and help them work this stuff out. And my son listens to me a lot more than his Mum. It gets a bit complicated but it's not too bad really.
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post #12997 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-23-2019, 10:53 PM
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It's very exhausting, having to constantly be perfectly vigilante in leaving zero back traces, so they can systematically be nitpicked and used to antagonize against me.


Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #12998 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-24-2019, 03:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
Every ****ing morning. Mood 2 or 3 out of 10. Moclobemide + caffeine seem to act as a stimulant and my mood boosts up to 7 or 8 by the evening, and then i crash.

Social contact is also a driver for positive mood for me, its ridiculous. When I feel alone and abandoned, my loneliness just skyrockets and I feel totally horrible.

I went to my "friends" last night, and tbh, I just hated it. They aren't my kind of people. And I was getting weird "vibes" from them, tbh. I am very good at picking up irregularities on body language, though I am unable to attribute meaning.

Last two weeks. This isn't normal. Every low point is when I wake up.
Relating to this. It's like we need socializing to feel good but it's hard to socialize properly when you have SA.

Do you mind me asking what app that pic is from?
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post #12999 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-24-2019, 05:03 PM
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Relating to this. It's like we need socializing to feel good but it's hard to socialize properly when you have SA.

Do you mind me asking what app that pic is from?
Mood Log on android. I tested lots and lots of them and this one most closely matched what i wanted (was going to try to write one, but dont have the mental resources for that right now). It misses a lot of things reports wise I would like, but it lets you quickly log mood, and assign tags as well, so I can filter by tags and see what my mood is like (hinting at things that may improve my mood).

It's very very useful, would recommend.


Uni Work is 5.67 (surprising since I proctrastinate and avoid it).
Social interaction is 5.6
Gym is 4.9
Lonely is 3.1

Morning average is somewhere between 2 and 3
Evening average is maybe 6 ish.

So I need to be busy, get out of bed asap and start doing stuff, find things to do that let me interact with people, and keep going to the gym. I am going to be less slack with tags. They seem useful in determining exactly what boosts or reduces mood.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #13000 of 13119 (permalink) Old 09-24-2019, 10:09 PM
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You can do it mate.

Stay strong.
Went ok

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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