Iíve been working full time and made some friends this past year, but yesterday at work I realized itís hard for me to be present, to show up as my self if that makes sense. I spent five years friendless, spending any extra time I wasnít taking a college course in my room doing nothing that I learned to disassociate very well. I donít know why it took me until yesterday to realize this. I tried being more present after this epiphany but it lasted 15 minutes tops before I retreated back into myself. I think Iím too afraid.