(Support Thread) What's Bothering You Right Now? - Page 647 - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #12921 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-12-2019, 07:28 AM
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I hate the fact that when I wake up from a deep sleep, always in a good mood. Stress hits me. Like I still have to sort out my exam results for college and I can't remember what name. The receptionist is rude and I know I'm going to have to ring back because I think shes got the wrong information. I hate the house I'm living in also. It's so dark and not enough light hits it, I think this plays in regards to my mood. And my mother keeps *****ing at me, bringing up the past all the time, forcing me into her miserable rut. In reality I dream of going to university and getting away from this toxicity. My issues run deeper than this but I don't want to talk about it. Partying isn't the answer anymore. I've become accustomed with being on my own.. Something that doesn't really bother me. But I know I should be more social with the right people.

Our hopes and expectations. Black holes and revelations.
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post #12922 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-12-2019, 09:30 AM
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Mother, this ones dedicated to you.


Our hopes and expectations. Black holes and revelations.
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post #12923 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-12-2019, 09:45 AM
bipolar
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sanpellegrino View Post
Mother, this ones dedicated to you.

Great song. Before I played it I was trying to work out what the title was - it started with why don't you get ... and I instantly thought it was going to be ... get a life. (sounds like something I should think about doing again soon.)

Sounds like you're Mum's driving you nuts. I'm very glad my son doesn't live with his mother anymore. I'd have a lot more to worry about than whether her iPad is listening to her or not.
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post #12924 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 02:37 AM
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never enough

always
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post #12925 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-15-2019, 08:20 PM
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Health services here are ****ing useless. In order for me to see a therapist, I have to do one of the following: 1. get a referral from a GP (I can't get a GP, been trying for months, clinics can't give referrals); 2. go to the ER and tell them I'm planning to kill myself -- except I'm not, I'm trying to ****ing survive; 3. find a private therapist and pay out of pocket, which I can't afford, because I have no health insurance and no ****ing money -- the main ****ing reason I need help.

No wonder there are so many mentally ill homeless people in Canada. No GP, no money, no therapy.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #12926 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-16-2019, 03:28 AM
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never enough
More than enough.
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post #12927 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-16-2019, 05:46 AM
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More than enough.

always
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post #12928 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-16-2019, 08:57 PM
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Washer not draining clothes...ugh. Praying about it.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #12929 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 10:51 AM
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Wish I did drugs or drank or something just to make it go away
It's obvious to me you're one of the best people I've ever met here. I hope things have improved since you posted. To be honest, I do drink and and dabble in weed but it's run its course, I think. Isolation, dreams that seem forever in limbo are challenging to put it lightly. I wish I had an answer, especially for someone like you. I know we didn't correspond a lot here but I have a sixth sense about people and I'm certain you're one of the good ones. I hope it comes back to you. Hugs.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
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post #12930 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Kevin001 View Post
Washer not draining clothes...ugh. Praying about it.
god might send a technician to fix it or you could have a go at it yourself. probably just a blocked pipe? youtube would probably have a lot of advice.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #12931 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-17-2019, 03:38 PM
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If you gave me a BDD test, it would show that I actually do have BDD. But I don't. My flaws aren't perceived, they're ****ing real. And yet I wish they weren't because having BDD and being able to get over it would fix about 90% of my issues.

I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning
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post #12932 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 06:34 PM
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after 2 days of hearing him around I finally forced myself to go out and say hi to the new flatmate. I hope to never speak to him again. lol.

I dont get how he was confident to meet me. you are going to be forced to live with this person for quite some time. how can you look forward to meeting them? it's only a matter of how is this person going to get in the way and make a mess? I know I'm awful with living with people etc. I mean I've walked into the living room to hear a flatmate eating loudly with mouth open etc and: I get totally disgusted. I'm pretty much pre-disgusted. already I'm a anticipating how dirty and loud this guy will be. i must be bad to live with. not that bad, all i do is avoid them and passive aggressively clean up after them.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #12933 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 07:51 PM
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I didn't give in and buy alcohol after work today even though I set out to do it. Might go on to 4 months sober!

The only reason for that though was because some ahole was tailgating me and I didn't see easy parking spots at the liquor store, and my heart was already pounding rapidly because I knew I was making a bad decision, so I didn't want to deal with the hassle and just drove straight home.

I was seriously considering going to a nearby (3 minutes away) gas station to buy some malt or something (not heavy liquor as usual) just to get a little buzz without the blackout. Didn't do it because my little grandma came over and she kept pestering me to text for her in Spanish because she has a hard time typing on her phone, even though my Spanish sucks. Tried to show her speech to text and voice recordings. I don't think it stuck though.

I'm not cured yet. I'm still thinking about doing it. Like right now right now.
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post #12934 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 02:36 AM
 
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Insomnia, and constantly worrying about those I know...
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post #12935 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 06:58 AM
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Getting worse by the day. No hope, no desire, no motivation for anything right now. Especially work. Sitting here at my desk basically starting at the wall because I have little to do and cannot focus even on that.


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post #12936 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 04:50 PM
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The future continues to be scarily uncertain and I'm conflicted with making a great decision but I don't know what to do. I still have Japanese translation as a deep passion and interest but I still feel it's too risky and a bad idea for me to go with Foreign Language (or anything else under Liberal Arts, for that matter) as a major. Computer Science sounds like a much more secure idea job-wise, but I'm not sure if I'll make it in the major (I suck at Math) and now I hear pay for software engineers in Japan is ****. I'm afraid that'll put a damper on my goal to one day live there..

Well, I'm sure there are alot of alternatives and I don't know how bad the pay for developers in Japan really is..considering I only went off of hearsay from other people online and it may be a relative thing. (High income isn't one of my priorities at all. I just want to earn a decent salary at best.) It's not like I know already whether or not I will decide to stay there long-term, either.

Now I've been thinking about double majoring in Foreign Language and CS but I was told the cost would exceed in-state tuition. I've considered majoring in one and minoring in the other, but I don't know what that will really do to my job prospects for either. I don't want it to end up that my CS minor is seen as useless and on top of that my Language major has screwed me out of a job, or vice versa.

On another note, there's still some glaring personal problems that make me worried if I'll end up having to stop my education again or not. My mother is effectively going through with trying to sell the house now, but now that she lost her job she's having difficulty paying it off. I'm scared if we might get evicted before she can.

I'm terrified there are only increasingly bigger road blocks ahead that I won't be able to overcome anymore. I feel like an idiot fighting a losing battle.



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


Mili
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post #12937 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 10:16 PM
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Getting home was rough.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #12938 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 05:05 AM
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High school reunion tonight, anxious.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #12939 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 12:00 PM
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High school reunion tonight, anxious.
You can do it mate.

Stay strong.
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post #12940 of 13613 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 02:20 AM
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Why do I care so much what one has to say in response WHEN ITS FREAKIN 4 AM AND EVERYONE IS ASLEEP. Fml. Brb, tired of neuroses.
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