(Support Thread) What's Bothering You Right Now? - Page 626 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #12501 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-22-2019, 01:32 PM
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more issues than vogue
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post #12502 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-22-2019, 03:33 PM
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Chin up. Big smile.

I'm thinking she would be siting up there thinking, want you to be happy, not feeling sad.
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post #12503 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-22-2019, 05:19 PM
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<a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/hug.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a> Thanks Ella. I appreciate all the support you've given me and making my time in hospital easier. Couldn't have asked for a better friend matey.

You can ALWAYS count on me mate.

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Getting a lot of suicidal thoughts today. Feeling hopeless and just crappy. I just don't know if life is worth living but it mostly doesn't feel like it. Should probably hurry up with it instead of always just talking about it.
I know a friend that committed suicide some ten years ago. I still his family grieving on Facebook. His not there to meet his niece and nephews siblings significant others relatives babies, mothers new partner not their to accompany his lonely dad. He left a scar with everyone he knew. He affects people especially someone's family forever. If only someone could have told him there would be a brighter side. Not to worry about the cheating fiance or the massive debt. There always bankruptcy there's always new people you'll encounter and form bonds with if not now sometimes in the future. I too especially since getting off anti depressants a few months ago have been in dark places where suicide has been a looming thought. But you only get one life. Even if u dont spend it the way society wants you to. Etc school job family. No one has to do these things just to live. Iv starting listening to positive affirmations regularly and it took someone mentioning them to me regularly for a while before I even started or listened to one video. But they truly help. You don't need to live up to anyones expectations but your own. You are quite young. You could do anything you wanted to. Build goals for the end of year and work on them slowly having something to look forward to you are slowly incrementing towards is a great thing. Know that instant gratification is only something the looming generation is getting use to due to advanced technology but not everything great can be acquired instantly. We need to work on things we want. mentally physically. If that helps at all. Just my input.
damn I'm sorry to hear about your friend and that you've felt this way too. I think you're right about not having to live up to everyone else's expectations, I usually try to do that so I'll try to take that into account. I do need to realise that I won't feel better instantly too. Thank you for the advice I appreciate it!

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Ooh damn that flavour flavour so good.
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post #12504 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-22-2019, 07:37 PM
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A friend of mine I really like fell head over heels for some dude she just met, all it took was 1 look of eachother in the eyes and they went on a date instantly and became boyfriend/girlfriend. She tells me looking at him she has a sense of she knows him and it feels like home and it was hard to describe and they both want to grow old together. So in a few weeks of knowing eachother they have done more together then the 3 years we have been friends plus 13 years at my job and been asking and she's been wanting to spend more time together. I can't even see her place or see her family or anything. So I gave her a text saying whatever happens in her life I wish her the best and I'll see her if she ever comes into my work and she sends me a long distance call right away worried I am trying to end the friendship and how rare it is she's met such a nice guy like me, that she has known a lot of nice guys but I am one of the few of the really nice type. Asks if everything is fine between us but I lied and said it was and how much she's looking forward to spending time with me on a really long hike she thinks we are doing in a month, but I am disapearing from her life because I clearly am not close or ever will be close to her. She doesn't need to know my feelings for her, I am just a shadow.
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post #12505 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-23-2019, 12:27 AM
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I keep trying to be more conversational and responsive with friends and people and general, but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to change myself. The more I force myself to talk the more awkward I feel and even surreal, and I just default back to being mute. Feel like people think I have no personality, like I'm just a blank slate. And sometimes I think it's true.

Life's Wack
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post #12506 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-23-2019, 01:35 PM
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Mother went on a psychotic rage trying to break down my door, today. Well, first my own, then I went into her bedroom in a desperate attempt to ignore her. You could see the entire door shaking from how hard she was slamming it..I really thought she was going to completely break it down. I had my headphones on to ignore her screaming, but I got pretty damn scared. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she was much better than previous years, before our stepdad came in the picture, but she's still pretty damn off her rocker. And, then to think I heard through her screaming that I was "living like a 5 year old"...a grown woman that threw a temper tantrum and almost broke a door down just because she wanted to "talk about something important". (Which is usually only more yelling in my face)

It's too bad I feel like I may never escape her, though I keep telling myself I will. It's turning into a desperate situation.



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


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post #12507 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-23-2019, 01:56 PM
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Mother went on a psychotic rage trying to break down my door, today. Well, first my own, then I went into her bedroom in a desperate attempt to ignore her. You could see the entire door shaking from how hard she was slamming it..I really thought she was going to completely break it down. I had my headphones on to ignore her screaming, but I got pretty damn scared. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she was much better than previous years, before our stepdad came in the picture, but she's still pretty damn off her rocker. And, then to think I heard through her screaming that I was "living like a 5 year old"...a grown woman that threw a temper tantrum and almost broke a door down just because she wanted to "talk about something important". (Which is usually only more yelling in my face)

It's too bad I feel like I may never escape her, though I keep telling myself I will. It's turning into a desperate situation.
Sounds pretty scary I hope you'll be outta there some day.

95g Cadbury dairy milk, 100g Oreos, 75g walker's cheese and onion, 475ml Red bull.
Ooh damn that flavour flavour so good.
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post #12508 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-23-2019, 05:05 PM
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Mother went on a psychotic rage trying to break down my door, today. Well, first my own, then I went into her bedroom in a desperate attempt to ignore her. You could see the entire door shaking from how hard she was slamming it..I really thought she was going to completely break it down. I had my headphones on to ignore her screaming, but I got pretty damn scared. I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she was much better than previous years, before our stepdad came in the picture, but she's still pretty damn off her rocker. And, then to think I heard through her screaming that I was "living like a 5 year old"...a grown woman that threw a temper tantrum and almost broke a door down just because she wanted to "talk about something important". (Which is usually only more yelling in my face)

It's too bad I feel like I may never escape her, though I keep telling myself I will. It's turning into a desperate situation.
Oh god, you need to get out of there ASAP.

"Drifting and autocross is for the weak. We only do maximum velocity." - Unknown

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
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post #12509 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-23-2019, 05:10 PM
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The whole mother's day craze is making me extremely sad. I miss her so much.

"Drifting and autocross is for the weak. We only do maximum velocity." - Unknown

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
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post #12510 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-23-2019, 05:16 PM
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I have to be so careful just doing things in the morning now. Even just looking at a clip on Youtube or something can set me off. I feel like I have to ring my wife and tell her about everything - then I realise it's 5 o'clock in the morning and she'll still be asleep. This feeling is ridiculous - you feel like everyone else should be just as excited as you are.

I need to calm down - there's things I want to do today.
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post #12511 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 01:26 AM
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Feeling totally left out and ignored at new job, it's really getting me depressed and feel like quitting...
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post #12512 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 01:42 AM
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Feeling totally left out and ignored at new job, it's really getting me depressed and feel like quitting...
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post #12513 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 07:44 AM
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Sounds pretty scary I hope you'll be outta there some day.
Thank you...I don't really believe I will, at least not until I'm driven into eventual homelessness, but I hope so. I've thought about running away in the past but there's no way I could impose and burden other people like that. Especially since I'm already a legal adult (who isn't working, on top of that..). My only recourse for any more freedom is getting myself a car, because I feel that's one of the things keeping me trapped the most right now. ffs

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Oh god, you need to get out of there ASAP.
There's nowhere else I can go...I could ask my only friend but I would just be imposing and he's already done so much for me in the past. (To think I told him about my plan to give him rides when I get myself a car..And now I lost my job. orz) Now that I'm studying Japanese, I hope I can save something from some translation work in the future. Or from Korean, if I move onto that afterwards...



"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."



"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."


Mili
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post #12514 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 10:47 AM
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Sounds pretty scary <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/hug.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a> I hope you'll be outta there some day.
Thank you...I don't really believe I will, at least not until I'm driven into eventual homelessness, but I hope so. I've thought about running away in the past but there's no way I could impose and burden other people like that. Especially since I'm already a legal adult (who isn't working, on top of that..). My only recourse for any more freedom is getting myself a car, because I feel that's one of the things keeping me trapped the most right now. ffs

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Oh god, you need to get out of there ASAP. <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a> <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/hug.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a> <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/hugs.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>
There's nowhere else I can go...I could ask my only friend but I would just be imposing and he's already done so much for me in the past. (To think I told him about my plan to give him rides when I get myself a car..And now I lost my job. orz) Now that I'm studying Japanese, I hope I can save something from some translation work in the future. Or from Korean, if I move onto that afterwards...
I know that trapped feeling

95g Cadbury dairy milk, 100g Oreos, 75g walker's cheese and onion, 475ml Red bull.
Ooh damn that flavour flavour so good.
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post #12515 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 04:36 PM
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It's official. I'm like 90 percent sure I'm cursed now. Got a phone call earlier and thought it was the insurance place so I googled it to check to see if it was the right number and it wasn't. Then I see it says it's permanently closed. There's no way. They would've let me know if they were closing. I just went yesterday. I really am cursed.

This place has been open since before I moved here. WTF.

Life is giving me a big **** you.
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post #12516 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 05:19 PM
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It's official. I'm like 90 percent sure I'm cursed now. Got a phone call earlier and thought it was the insurance place so I googled it to check to see if it was the right number and it wasn't. Then I see it says it's permanently closed. There's no way. They would've let me know if they were closing. I just went yesterday. I really am cursed.



This place has been open since before I moved here. WTF.



Life is giving me a big **** you.
I know curses...believe me. I'm sorry you're followed by one.

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post #12517 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 06:00 PM
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I know curses...believe me. I'm sorry you're followed by one.
Thanks. :/ A lot of things just don't go my way and it sucks.
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post #12518 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 06:02 PM
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Thanks. :/ A lot of things just don't go my way and it sucks.
Omg...I know these feels. I'm Sisyphus...nice to meet you.

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post #12519 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-24-2019, 07:52 PM
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Omg...I know these feels. I'm Sisyphus...nice to meet you.
Haha, I had to Google Sisyphus. Sounds close to Syphilis. lol

It sucks. I think I've had bad luck most of my life. :/ And it sucks you have to go through the same thing.
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post #12520 of 12637 (permalink) Old 05-25-2019, 12:45 AM
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I'm afraid to sleep again, because I don't want to dream. Thus I'll stay up way too late and basically ruin tomorrow.

Sleep dread sucks.

"Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it." -Ayn Rand
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