Stuck in a Loop - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-09-2019, 01:39 AM Thread Starter
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Stuck in a Loop



I am a freshman in college, I go to the local community college where it seems no one is interested in meeting new people. I still have loosely related friends from high school that also go to local colleges, but they seem to have found new friend groups while I still wait for my original high school squad to come back from uni. I have one good friend that I have never really liked but he also enjoys the same hobbies as me, (ie car meets, and working on cars) but the more I get to know him the more I start to resent who he is as a person. He is a very social person and is constantly meeting new people, so I stick close to him because he can do all the talking while I can go out and experience things without being by myself. I have major issues with putting myself out there despite desperately wanting to on many occasions. I enjoy being around people, but I can never bring myself to interacting with them because I have a fear of being ostracized when I act like myself. I've always had these issues but I had my group of friends to rely on throughout middle school and high school. However, I can not rely on these people anymore because they are gone to universities. I have never really had to be social towards new people until now, and it feels like an uphill climb that just gets steeper and steeper. I am very emotionally unattached to people, even my family. I'm not your stereotypical socially detached person either, I'm athletic, confident sometimes, I am a natural born leader especially at work, but it seems like my social anxieties is the only thing holding me back from being happy. It feels like I am stuck in this loop of trying to break out of my depression and anxiety-ridden life, breaking free of it, and then falling right back into the pit. It all seems so mundane and I struggle to see a reason to all of it. There was a time where I genuinely thought happiness was not real and that people were just faking it because they can't face the reality of life. Sometimes I still think that. I want to believe that there is a way to take this immense weight off my shoulders, but it is hard when I can't even make friends to at least help share the burden.
-I am curious to know if anyone else feels like they are stuck in a constant loop, we all know the definition of insanity right? If you have any tips feel free to share them, and I am curious to hear any stories as well, it is reassuring to know that there are others that feel similarly.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-09-2019, 09:34 PM
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First of all, sorry to say, but you may as well not hold out hope for your old high school friends to come back from college. People, especially who you know from junior high or high school, will generally move on once that term or year or semester or whatever ends. Junior High and high school is weird where i seemed to have a lot of friends, or way more than adulthood, but none seem to last. The point is, you may as well move on with your life because 99% of the time, those old friends, even if you spent every waking hour with them for years, will move on from not just you but everyone once that chapter of their lives is closed, it is just life, you can't take it personal.

The friend who is very social and has a lot of friends, I would tend to not want to deal with him, because i don't like people like that. My next door neighbor has hundreds if not thousands of friends and hosts parties every other day inviting a ton of people over. He is the most boring fake phony person on the planet. Very social people who have a lot of friends mostly have to adopt a fake personality to get where they are. You are better off staying alone than riding anyone's coattails, even if that means hanging with someone who does all the work socializing. I dunno, you should find your own way, and again, I don't generally like super outgoing people like that because all they do is keep branching out and you never have their attention for long.

If you are a natural born leader, you have a huge head start because people will look up to you on some level. If you look like some type of authority, I dunno use that to your advantage, pretend you are the authority, you probably look like you are, so just pretend you are until you are. My point is you have a huge head start, i am so far from a born leader I can't tell you. I still dated gorgeous women but this was a long time ago and my luck ran out years ago but I did it with being an expert BS-er. If you are a born leader, then you should be able to get enough respect that you have one up on most of the other losers out there hehe

I don't know about faking happiness, almost all people I THINK are completely fake regarding everything. You have to pretend to be happy, and content and mature and quick-witted to get by in life. I just don't have the energy to even say more than 5 words to people at this point, I am overwhelmed
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 07:31 PM
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I agree, most people even if they are close friends in school, move on in different directions after. And people's interests change and to an extent their personality can too.

I do feel I'm in a constant loop at times and would like to have something new of interest to enable me to be more social. But it's not easy for me to do things anymore and it's actually quite stressful as I've gotten older. I used to be a lot more social when I was in college than I am now unfortunately.

Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...

Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 07:46 PM
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In a manner of speaking, we're all stuck in a loop. It's just that the loop some of us are stuck in is (in many ways) far less pleasant than the ones many others are stuck in. They simply had the luck and the skill to maneuver themselves into one that was more pleasant and bearable. At that point, it's generally a lot easier to ignore the fact that it's the same old crap every day.

Also what I see here a lot is people who want what they can't have (or just isn't coming to them for now) tend to notice cycles much more because they're constantly watching for something to change.

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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-14-2019, 07:43 AM
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We're monkeys,
running in circles,
trying to grab our tails
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