Strange (?) experience at gym - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-13-2019, 09:22 PM Thread Starter
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Strange (?) experience at gym


So tonight I went to the gym to work out as usual. When I got done I went to the locker room, to get my bag and use the restroom. Nobody else was in there it was late and it wasn't very busy. As I was getting my bag out of the locker, this guy walks in that had been there working out too. I moved over because he obviously wanted to get to a locker behind where I was standing. And he said "You must be a smart guy, eh?" I just looked dumbfounded and said, "uh, what? Why??" And he said, because you're a __ fan (name of team shirt I was wearing). I just smiled a bit and said, "oh ok?" and kind of chuckled a bit before I walked to the sink to wash my hands. At that point he walked to the sink too with a towel and was washing up as I left the room.

I didn't really get his comment, but after I left I was thinking, "Wow, I must have been rude to just walk off like that. I bet he thought I was a jerk."

Like, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to get his comment, or what, but I really didn't get it. So I felt guilty, because maybe he was just trying to make conversation or wanted someone to talk to him, and I just brushed it off. I just thought maybe he was a little off, because when I was working out I saw him lying on the gym floor like he was stretching his back or something. Which sometimes people do things like that, but I always found it a little odd.

But, I tend to always get like this, because literally NOBODY ever speaks to me in the gym unless it's to say excuse me or something. Last time it happened, I was working out and a guy asked me how often I come in and I just said something and he talked about how wanted to come more but was busy. But I just said ok and moved on. It's like I want people to talk to or acknowledge me, and when it DOES happen I just get concerned that they're a weirdo or something for doing it. Or I get on edge because I'm not used to it.

What do you think, was this odd? And do you ever get the guilty feeling like you've brushed someone off or ignored them.

Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...

Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 03:20 AM
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No clue. I think you are over thinking though. Kind of thing I would do.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 11:38 AM Thread Starter
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No clue. I think you are over thinking though. Kind of thing I would do.
Me either, and maybe. But after these interactions, I always wish I had tried to strike up a conversation through it, rather than just giving a one or two word answer. I just worry it could turn out weird. Most guys I see will make some small talk even when a stranger talks to them.

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Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 11:56 AM
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Me either, and maybe. But after these interactions, I always wish I had tried to strike up a conversation through it, rather than just giving a one or two word answer. I just worry it could turn out weird. Most guys I see will make some small talk even when a stranger talks to them.
I mean, I do the same thing, heh, but it's true I think that any kind of criticism after the event is just likely to make things worse. Whatever causes SA is likely to be the form of criticism based on social performance. Carrying on that criticism in our own heads is the last thing we should be doing. Better I think to congratulate yourself for any positive steps. You answered, you probably didn't come across weird (sometimes people without SA don't feel like talking, its fine). It was definitely good enough. Def spare the whip in these situations I think .
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 08:12 PM
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Dude probably thought you were a big fan of said team and thought maybe you would reciprocate a conversation. I'm a big sports fan and usually when I see people wearing certain teams I assume they are fan of team and will try to strike a conversation maybe about how they are doing etc. etc. He probably realized u arent a big fan of team so understand cause usually when I run into another fan of my team, it's like being part of a club even if you dont know each other can create some form of bond immediately. Even with rival team fans as well so he went up to you and commented because he thought you were a big fan. Nothing strange. If I go up to someone wearing a Yankees hat, I will comment something like "hey how those yanks doing" or something and sometimes I can tell from responses that people arent really a fan of team or big sports fan and just happen to wear it.

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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 08:59 PM
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Sorry to be a downer but I would say he was either messing with you or is a complate nutjob. That is an odd thing to ask, "you must be a smart guy" and then be laying down in that position seems bizarre. I can'e be sure, but the bottom line is, if you leave your apartment or room, you are just opening yourself up to idiots and people who want to target you. If it wasn't you, and another guy was in the room, he would have done it with that guy. A gym is also an aggressive place for macho guys to hang out, especially people power lifting or bench pressing. People doing cardio or running on treadmills are a different story.

Like I said i can't prove it but I just think he was testing you. It happens like every second in the world so i wouldn't take it personal.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 09:29 PM
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You are overthinking things in my opinion. He was most likely simply saying your a smart guy because your a fan of the same team he is so that's why he started the conversation. Just go with the conversation.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
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I think I was already on edge. Because there was another guy there, that kept laughing and making weird sounds as he worked out, and then he'd do strange over the top stretches after each one. People grunting and such doesn't bother me, I just tune them out. But this was really just silly, nutty behavior, in my opinion.

So that already had me uncomfortable. And me being alone in the locker room and someone just walking up to me like this guy did made me uneasy, to be honest.

Afterward is when I questioned whether I should have tried to make conversation. Although, I almost always wear sports team shirts to the gym for about the last year, and this is the first time anyone has commented on it.

Underneath the cold November sky, I wait for you... As the pages of my life roll by, I wait for you... I'm so desperate just to see your face, meet me in this broken place...

Be a little brave for a little bit of time.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 05:58 PM
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Your first instinct is usually the correct one. I am guessing from the guy saying something that sounded critical however he meant it, combined with whatever other bizarre behavior means that 1 or more people were just playing games with you, unless they are completely insane. If they are lifting weights, there are a lot of insane people who lift and a lot are using steroids. Calm guys who run and do yoga are a different breed of human being than people who lift weights, they just are. People who lift weights also can be just morons, not all, but the stereotype of the dumb jock does exist for a reason. A lot of jocks who lift weights and get laid every night have an I.Q. of 60. Rob Gronkowski on the Patriots in the NFL is a perfect example. I would just completely ignore everyone there, unless you have a friend or 2 in the gym, I would not even respond or feed into anything so you can still go there and be somewhat invisible. If it is a public gym, a lot of those guys get phased out in a year or two and quit the gym. I am guessing they are trying to play mind games, not just with you, but anyone they come across who is alone who they can target or not right in the middle of everything. I wouldn't take it personal, just don't even respond with anything, not one word
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 06:21 PM
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Sounds like he was just making conversation instead of having an awkward silent moment of being in each other's way

"You're a smart guy" is just sports fan talk

Live and learn imo

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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 06:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Disheveled and Lost View Post
Your first instinct is usually the correct one. I am guessing from the guy saying something that sounded critical however he meant it, combined with whatever other bizarre behavior means that 1 or more people were just playing games with you, unless they are completely insane. If they are lifting weights, there are a lot of insane people who lift and a lot are using steroids. Calm guys who run and do yoga are a different breed of human being than people who lift weights, they just are. People who lift weights also can be just morons, not all, but the stereotype of the dumb jock does exist for a reason. A lot of jocks who lift weights and get laid every night have an I.Q. of 60. Rob Gronkowski on the Patriots in the NFL is a perfect example. I would just completely ignore everyone there, unless you have a friend or 2 in the gym, I would not even respond or feed into anything so you can still go there and be somewhat invisible. If it is a public gym, a lot of those guys get phased out in a year or two and quit the gym. I am guessing they are trying to play mind games, not just with you, but anyone they come across who is alone who they can target or not right in the middle of everything. I wouldn't take it personal, just don't even respond with anything, not one word
I'd really think about if you have your guard up a bit too much

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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 11:08 PM
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I'd really think about if you have your guard up a bit too much
I dunno, the guy said to him, "you must be a smart guy huh?" That is kind of an odd comment, it all depends on the tone of how he said it. Yea I do have my guard up but it comes from basically everyone i ever dealt with either being a jerk or good friends backstabbing me over and over. I know the tendency when giving advice is to say, on this board or in real life, "I am sure it was nothing, don't worry about it" but is that the advice that is needed?

He said himself he was completely weirded out about a few different things he noticed. He was there so he would know better than us. At the same time, i stand by what i said. His first instinct was probably the correct one.

From what I remember when i went to a gym, no one lies on the floor unless it is a mat in like a yoga room, the comment someone made to him sounds critical, and he described someone laughing and that it looked and seemed odd.

Everything the guy described screamed that one or more people were messing with him. He himself was weirded out, if you read the OP. If they weren't, great, but either way i would not engage any of those people the next time he goes. As in, don't say one word to any of them.

People mess with people every day, so it is nothing personal, but the whole thing seems fishy that is all
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 11:14 PM
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