Social Anxiety Forum

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-   -   Stop hating yourself (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/stop-hating-yourself-1984777/)

629753 04-05-2017 10:38 AM

Stop hating yourself
 
You are just making your suffering worst, there is nothing wrong with you, if there is show me, real evidence,not opinions

ljubo 04-05-2017 05:47 PM

You should work as a therapist.

TryingMara 04-05-2017 06:32 PM

How?

ljubo 04-05-2017 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TryingMara (Post 1089223521)
How?

Well why not? There is nothing wrong with you.

CrystalGemPearl 04-05-2017 11:05 PM

Why hate yourself, when you can hate other people instead? :)

Phel 04-05-2017 11:28 PM

What proof are you looking for?

In the past five years I've been diagnosed with social anxiety, depression, and anorexia. I also have reason to believe I've suffered from generalized anxiety disorder, at least three separate forms of OCD, orthorexia, BED possibly a form of EDNOS, and some other crazy stuff. Undeniably there is something "wrong with me".

I've been working on toning down the self hatred, but just when i think i've got it, my family tells me i'm not doing enough and i feel like crap all over again. there's always something ready to pull the rug out from under you. loving yourself in the face of failure is probably one of the hardest things people like us can do.

ShadowOne 04-05-2017 11:29 PM

wouldificouldbuticantsoiwont

2Milk 04-05-2017 11:54 PM

I'm a loser. I won't love myself until I'm a winner. If I was a loser and loved myself then I would be a loser forever.

millenniumman75 04-06-2017 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by impedido10 (Post 1089219793)
You are just making your suffering worst, there is nothing wrong with you, if there is show me, real evidence,not opinions

Very true.
We have to find that spot where we know we have anxiety, the need to push through it, and be patient with the results. Being kind to ourselves is the only way to go.

Kanye needz my mad wurdz of wizdom, yo!

millenniumman75 04-06-2017 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2Milk (Post 1089226129)
I'm a loser. I won't love myself until I'm a winner. If I was a loser and loved myself then I would be a loser forever.

No- you would be liking yourself for who you are now, knowing that you will be better in the future.

truant 04-06-2017 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by She and Her Darkness (Post 1089226017)
What proof are you looking for?

In the past five years I've been diagnosed with social anxiety, depression, and anorexia. I also have reason to believe I've suffered from generalized anxiety disorder, at least three separate forms of OCD, orthorexia, BED possibly a form of EDNOS, and some other crazy stuff. Undeniably there is something "wrong with me".

I've been working on toning down the self hatred, but just when i think i've got it, my family tells me i'm not doing enough and i feel like crap all over again. there's always something ready to pull the rug out from under you. loving yourself in the face of failure is probably one of the hardest things people like us can do.

And yet it is possible. And perhaps necessary for overcoming certain kinds of mental disorders. I have more problems than you can shake a shakeweight at. By cultural standards I'm an epic failure; but it doesn't prevent me from loving myself.

Self-love is our natural state. But people learn to impose conditions on loving themselves (and others) because they've been taught that unconditional self-love is bad or wrong. The result is mental programming that runs like this: "I won't love myself unless X." X could be anything. Your parents loving you. Someone falling in love with you. Being the best at what you do. Being a certain weight. Etc.

We turn off self-love until we achieve whatever conditions we've imposed on ourselves have been fulfilled. But in fact there is nothing preventing anyone from feeling unconditional self-love right now. Those conditions are conditions we impose on ourselves.

Typically, we've learned to act this way either through emulating parents who do this to themselves, or because parents impose those conditions on their children directly. They withhold affection and approval unless a child behaves the way they want them to, so the child learns that to receive love they must act a certain way for their parents. Then they internalize those conditions and impose them on themselves for the rest of their lives. But there is nothing forcing anyone to impose those conditions on themselves. People have just been convinced that's what they're supposed to do. I don't, and it's wonderful. >:)

I love myself no matter what I do. But that doesn't mean I like everything I do, or that I don't try to improve myself, only that I don't withhold love from myself, even when I make mistakes. If I wasn't that way, I wouldn't be here, because my life is an absolute meat-grinder psychologically. I wouldn't have any reason at all to love myself if my love wasn't unconditional.

@2Milk That's what people are taught to feel. But it destroys lives. It's that very attitude that drives many people to places like SAS. If you loved yourself, you wouldn't stop trying to improve yourself, you'd just have a lot more energy to put toward it. I have tons of motivation to improve myself because I love myself and I want to be as awesome as I can be. Loving myself gives me the courage to push myself, because I know I can withstand failure.

If you're looking at a serious psychological beating from yourself every time you fail what happens is you stop trying. You can't stand the feeling of feeling like a failure, so you avoid anything that would make you feel that way. That's why people with poor self-esteem tend to be unemployed or underemployed, have few accomplishments, and limited social circles, whereas people with good self-esteem tend to have jobs, families, and friends.

Twilightforce 04-06-2017 12:54 AM

There's nothing I like about myself.

Phel 04-06-2017 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by impedido10 (Post 1089219793)
You are just making your suffering worst, there is nothing wrong with you, if there is show me, real evidence,not opinions

i just realized this is in the frustration section.

Chillingout 04-06-2017 01:22 AM

I don't hate myself, only my grey hair

Persephone The Dread 04-06-2017 03:45 AM

People I like almost always end up disliking me, sometimes they like me at first then still end up disliking me.

Even on this website I often end up communicating more with people who dislike me lol.

I don't hate myself though, I just dislike myself.

Kilgore Trout 04-06-2017 04:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrystalGemPearl (Post 1089225913)
Why hate yourself, when you can hate other people instead? :)

Now there's someone who gets me.

Persephone The Dread 04-06-2017 04:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrystalGemPearl (Post 1089225913)
Why hate yourself, when you can hate other people instead? :)

Why not both?

Kilgore Trout 04-06-2017 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread (Post 1089227297)
Why not both?

Now there's someone who gets me even more than I do.

Strago 04-06-2017 06:44 AM

Its easier said than done. How does one learn to love themself unconditionally, when they have hated themself for so long they don't even remember what it felt like to love themself?

I've thought I was starting to love myself again a number of times, but find that even without intending to I'm still putting conditions on it. I do love my family unconditionally, so I should be capable of it at least.

lolyouthought 04-06-2017 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by impedido10 (Post 1089219793)
You are just making your suffering worst, there is nothing wrong with you, if there is show me, real evidence,not opinions


Don't tell me what to do :wife

:laugh:


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