Join Date: Apr 2018
Language: English, Swedish
Social Anxiety Venting
**This is going to be a rant or whatever one calls it, no advice or anything useful to take from, just to rant***
I made an account here two years ago, but never really visited constantly. Recently, I have been visiting more.
Anyway, there are times in my life when I feel like everything is good and that my mental health or whatever is great; however, it seems like those times are when I am not living in reality. Those times have all been when I have spent a lot of time alone and do not have to interact with other people. As soon as I am reminded that I have to speak to people or apply for jobs, which require social interaction, the bubble i live in start bursting.
For example, recently, I need to start looking for a part time job at my college in order to help pay for my education. Even though I have one month left before I have to start applying, these kind of thoughts and anticipation is the worst part of social anxiety for me. The anticipation is a big yikes.
Oh and another thing that recently brought me back to reality, unfortunately, is that I realize that I can't speak to people or start meaningful relationships, or so it seems to me at least. This happened because I downloaded an app, I even posted a picture of myself, and was really hoping to meet some cool people; however, whenever I want to message someone who seems cool, my anxiety kicks in hard and it's too much for me. I just exit the app and give up. I have messaged people on the app, most of the time people do not even reply. I think i have only ever gotten 1 reply lol, oh well. What really gets me though is when people in the app say that they want to call instead of just texting, which makes me not even want to start a conversation to begin with, because I am so afraid that I may have to talk on the phone, which is so tough. It feels like my heart is going to jump out of my chest at times like this. I am 22 years old, just turned 22 a week or so ago, but I still have these social anxiety feelings. It really is a bummer.
If anyone read this entire thing, sorry, I just felt like putting my feelings down and to be honest, it did feel slightly better to be able to express things like this.