Shut the hell up about being ugly - Page 6 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #101 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-18-2012, 07:07 PM
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I think most people that think they are ugly are not that ugly. Something I notice more frequently is with girls and fat, so many normal looking girls think they are fat because they are not pencil thin or look like a model in a magazine, if they have the slightest bit of fat on them and as far as they are concerned they look like a pig.

BTW resistnothing you avatar bugs me, I swatted at my screen thinking it was real.
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post #102 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 08:46 AM
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Rubbish, society is so judgemental and you do get judged on your appearance and not liked if you dont 'look' a certain way.
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post #103 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 09:18 AM
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people I'm not boasting but believe or not I'm really good looking. People tell me that all the time, but they also find me appear arrogant because I don't talk much. I have had SA ever since I was a little kid and I don't think being attractive helps. Girls check on me/ smile at me very often but when it comes to talking to them, well you know the rest...

So yeah the cause of SA is not being ugly. It's just one of the reason people usually make up
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post #104 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 09:30 AM
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being called 'ugly' can lower self esteem and you will become less social because its what i was like, i felt everyone would think horrible things about me and i didnt see the point in going out as much as i used to if at all anymore because i felt so low about myself.
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post #105 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 09:33 AM
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This is a support forum and people are free to talk about whatever issues they feel contribute to their social anxiety.

If you're going to tell people to "shut the hell up" when they express feeling insecure about their appearance, then you may as well tell people to shut the hell up about feeling lonely, awkward, nervous around the opposite sex, not having a job, not being able to make friends, and pretty much any other issue that a person with SA can struggle with.

Obviously it's not healthy to dwell on thoughts that are negative or self loathing, but I'm tired of seeing people who have legit self image issues (google BDD) get attack and told to shut up on this forum. If people can't vent here about their issues then where can they vent?

The future is here, and it's about a hundred feet above the Arby's.


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post #106 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 09:50 AM
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I think that the people who no longer want to dwell on negative thoughts or feel sorry for themselves based on how they look, have reached a point where they are ready to move on.

However, not everyone can reach that stage whenever they want to, or when someone tries to throw tough love at them. They need to reach it on their own terms. I used to complain about appearance very much and I had some very supportive people in my life, who instead of telling me to shut up, actually listened until it got to the point when I got tired of hearing myself talk about the same things over and over. So in my own terms, I stopped dwelling on it as much because I got it out of my system. I don't get bullied as much as I used to either, so maybe that also helps, but some people don't necessarily have anyone to talk to, so where will they get to vent out what they feel? Bottling it up and pretending it's not an issue is not the right way to handle it. I know that I'm new here, but I just wanted to throw in my two cents.
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post #107 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by au Lait View Post
This is a support forum and people are free to talk about whatever issues they feel contribute to their social anxiety.

If you're going to tell people to "shut the hell up" when they express feeling insecure about their appearance, then you may as well tell people to shut the hell up about feeling lonely, awkward, nervous around the opposite sex, not having a job, not being able to make friends, and pretty much any other issue that a person with SA can struggle with.

Obviously it's not healthy to dwell on thoughts that are negative or self loathing, but I'm tired of seeing people who have legit self image issues (google BDD) get attack and told to shut up on this forum. If people can't vent here about their issues then where can they vent?
Amen. <3
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post #108 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 04:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by au Lait View Post
This is a support forum and people are free to talk about whatever issues they feel contribute to their social anxiety.

If you're going to tell people to "shut the hell up" when they express feeling insecure about their appearance, then you may as well tell people to shut the hell up about feeling lonely, awkward, nervous around the opposite sex, not having a job, not being able to make friends, and pretty much any other issue that a person with SA can struggle with.

Obviously it's not healthy to dwell on thoughts that are negative or self loathing, but I'm tired of seeing people who have legit self image issues (google BDD) get attack and told to shut up on this forum. If people can't vent here about their issues then where can they vent?
THIS!
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post #109 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 05:38 PM Thread Starter
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I think that the people who no longer want to dwell on negative thoughts or feel sorry for themselves based on how they look, have reached a point where they are ready to move on.

However, not everyone can reach that stage whenever they want to, or when someone tries to throw tough love at them. They need to reach it on their own terms. I used to complain about appearance very much and I had some very supportive people in my life, who instead of telling me to shut up, actually listened until it got to the point when I got tired of hearing myself talk about the same things over and over. So in my own terms, I stopped dwelling on it as much because I got it out of my system. I don't get bullied as much as I used to either, so maybe that also helps, but some people don't necessarily have anyone to talk to, so where will they get to vent out what they feel? Bottling it up and pretending it's not an issue is not the right way to handle it. I know that I'm new here, but I just wanted to throw in my two cents.
Good point.
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post #110 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 05:39 PM Thread Starter
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BTW resistnothing you avatar bugs me, I swatted at my screen thinking it was real.
Mission accomplished haha
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post #111 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 05:49 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by au Lait View Post
This is a support forum and people are free to talk about whatever issues they feel contribute to their social anxiety.

If you're going to tell people to "shut the hell up" when they express feeling insecure about their appearance, then you may as well tell people to shut the hell up about feeling lonely, awkward, nervous around the opposite sex, not having a job, not being able to make friends, and pretty much any other issue that a person with SA can struggle with.

Obviously it's not healthy to dwell on thoughts that are negative or self loathing, but I'm tired of seeing people who have legit self image issues (google BDD) get attack and told to shut up on this forum. If people can't vent here about their issues then where can they vent?
Actually there IS a difference between expressing feelings about appearance and expressing feelings about most of the other issues you mentioned. Because for the most part our looks are static and completely beyond our control.

I haven't really seen BDD sufferers get attacked that often on here but I;ll take your word for it. Honestly, earlier this year I was definitely forming BDD. After work I would stare in the mirror for HOURS staring at my flaws and sometimes even crying. I hated being in public and I would skip my college courses because of it. It isn't a joke, I know that. So please stop telling how looks and BDD can affect quality of life. I lived it.

My semi-offensive title was just meant to draw people in. If you've read my comments you'd see that I'm just trying to expedite the realization process that we are worth so much ****ing more than what we see in the mirror.

As the other commenter said, everyone heals on their own time. Because we're all on different stages in our journeys. BUT my bestfriend telling me something very similar to what I'm telling you guys really helped my focus on other things that are of higher value than being attractive.

Not everyone is the same....Duh. That doesn't mean I shouldn't try to spread what worked for me.
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post #112 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 05:52 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by donteattheapple View Post
I think that the people who no longer want to dwell on negative thoughts or feel sorry for themselves based on how they look, have reached a point where they are ready to move on.

However, not everyone can reach that stage whenever they want to, or when someone tries to throw tough love at them. They need to reach it on their own terms. I used to complain about appearance very much and I had some very supportive people in my life, who instead of telling me to shut up, actually listened until it got to the point when I got tired of hearing myself talk about the same things over and over. So in my own terms, I stopped dwelling on it as much because I got it out of my system. I don't get bullied as much as I used to either, so maybe that also helps, but some people don't necessarily have anyone to talk to, so where will they get to vent out what they feel? Bottling it up and pretending it's not an issue is not the right way to handle it. I know that I'm new here, but I just wanted to throw in my two cents.
I just want to quote this again because this is a great discussion point. haha
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post #113 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 05:53 PM Thread Starter
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"“I wish you could look into the mirror and see beyond your face, way past the surface to see more. More than what the world sees, more than what your friends see, more than I or even you can see. That is what you are. You are more than any label or stereotype, bigger than any first glance or expectation. You are more.
You are more than the makeup and the way you style your hair, more than the clothes and magazines, more than all that frustration spent on trying to live up to some ridiculous, unobtainable idea. You are not your age, not your weight, not your eye color, hair color, skin color. You are much, much more.
You are more than your schedules and routines, habits and compulsions, more than a bubbly social butterfly, more than the hidden shyness. You are more than the movies, video games, music and trends you love. More than the chores and homework, more than the job and the role you play. You are everything beyond the impossible projects and all the conflicts you hate.
You are more than all of your exceptional high points, more than all of the things that you never want anyone to know about. Anything that you feel ashamed about – you are more than that, more than those secrets that you keep bottled up because you think you’d bother others with them. You are more than any shortcomings you think you see on the outside, more than any kind of judgment you hastily cast on yourself attempting to be “enough.”
You are more than a trusting friend, much more than comic relief. Witty remarks and banter don’t even scratch the surface! You are more than your place in your family, more than the position in your social circle you happen to fill.
You are more than your sex and the clothes that emphasize or hide it. There is so much more to you than straight lines or sloping curves, more than strong come-ons and coy glances. Yes you are all of the things that all girls and women are, but you are not reduced down to being just those things. You are much, much more.
You are more than angry outbursts, more than confusion about the future regarding yourself and the world. You are so much more than all of your nighttime unvoiced fears, more than the sudden tears, the sweeping highs, and rocky lows. More than all the roads you have to walk in between.
You are more than fire, than water, than blood. You are more than dancing, more than music, more than paint or clay or film. More than cloth or technology, old or new stories – that is what you are.
You are who you are, and you will always discover new layers, new mores. You are possibility, hope, and ability. You are destiny before it happens, bird’s first flight before it plummets from the nest for the very first time. You are potential and you can truly be anything you really want. You can do anything you truly want. You can accomplish things greater than you know. But you have to want to be more.
Because you are also more than selling yourself short, more than worrying how you’ll go about doing any one thing. You are more than pettiness, more than self-degradation. By being who you are, you are already beautiful and special. You are more than beautiful and special.
Have faith. Forget the mirror. Forget what everything around you tells you to be. Be who you are.
Be more."
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post #114 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 10:34 PM
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This dude is messed up, man
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post #115 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-19-2012, 11:37 PM Thread Starter
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This dude is messed up, man
Thanks.
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post #116 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-20-2012, 03:51 AM
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