Shut the hell up about being ugly - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 05:56 PM Thread Starter
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Being 'bothered' and feeling 'incomplete' are two completely different things. Being relationshipless is bothersome....shouldn't make you feel incomplete.
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post #42 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 05:57 PM Thread Starter
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But most people inflate the problem until it becomes a cancerous blob affecting areas of our lives that they have no right to be in.
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post #43 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 06:05 PM
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I wish I had millions of dollars and tons of time to conduct my own studies on how people are treated based on appearance. I have a number of theories on this.
we watched a video on this in one of my psych classes. ten females and ten males were rated and they had to do a series of "challenges" to find a "mate." they always matched up with someone near their level of attractiveness, e.g. the "prettiest" with the "prettiest" and vice versa.

Word.
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post #44 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 06:06 PM
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I made this thread because of the 'cries for help'. The self-destructing thread upon thread upon thread rants about ugliness. I was there, I've felt it, and I'm slowly getting over it. So i do feel for them, doesn't mean I'm going to sugar coat anything.

Being ugly sucks, but is NOT the end of the world. I am in no way saying that we can all snap a finger get confident and then walk down the street and no one will ever judge you on your appearances ever again. Doesn't happen and won't happen.

What I've been trying to say for the last several posts is that if you want a change in the way you see yourself, you need to understand that we are valuing our appearances wayyy too much. We can't change it....that sucks. But what that means is that there is only so much moaning and groaning we can do until we realize that we can't change the way we look, but we can change the way we feel.
I'm not saying your message is wrong.

I'm saying the way you express yourself is wrong. You need to be more engaging and less disparaging.
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post #45 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 06:20 PM Thread Starter
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I'm not saying your message is wrong.

I'm saying the way you express yourself is wrong. You need to be more engaging and less disparaging.
Well then how was I being disparaging? And if the core of my message is good-hearted then what is the problem?
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post #46 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 06:30 PM
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Using vulgar phrases like "hell", "woe is me", "pity party", and claiming that people can take control of others' impressions from ugly appearances is excessive. They intimidate people into believing their complaints are unimportant as if they're second class.

If you want to be constructive, then offer thinking patterns that can let people realize there's more to who they are than just what they are.
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post #47 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 06:57 PM
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Being 'bothered' and feeling 'incomplete' are two completely different things. Being relationshipless is bothersome....shouldn't make you feel incomplete.
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But most people inflate the problem until it becomes a cancerous blob affecting areas of our lives that they have no right to be in.
Just so I have the proper context for your comments: what is your own relationship history?
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post #48 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 08:37 PM Thread Starter
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Just so I have the proper context for your comments: what is your own relationship history?
I never had a relationship and I went out on exactly one horrible 'date'.
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post #49 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 08:39 PM Thread Starter
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Using vulgar phrases like "hell", "woe is me", "pity party", and claiming that people can take control of others' impressions from ugly appearances is excessive. They intimidate people into believing their complaints are unimportant as if they're second class.

If you want to be constructive, then offer thinking patterns that can let people realize there's more to who they are than just what they are.
Take control of others' impressions? Who said that?

Those aren't vulgar phrases.

If you want to be constructive, don't criticize my methodology, but utilize your version.
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post #50 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 09:09 PM
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I have days where I think I'm pretty but they don't last long. It's kind of hard staying positive when you're told so much (especially growing up) how ugly you are. I know I mostly hate that I'm fat (and there's plenty of overweight people who are beautiful). It's really hard because TV pushes this specific look on people and it has been like that for awhile, so EVERYBODY starts focusing on it.

I honestly do try and sometimes succeed with being positive because I know this mindset isn't exactly helpful. I'm better at ignoring what jerks say to me now. I realized I needed to stop thinking this way because I was like crashing hard. I had this certain look I wanted...I see people who I wish I could look like and knowing it'd never happen was like a stab to the heart LOL. It was a badddddd badddddd mindset because I was becoming so numb and depressed that I actually almost did some very very very very bad things.

If you just let me invade your space
Ill take the pleasure
take it with the pain...
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post #51 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 09:23 PM
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**** yeah, I'm ugly. And that's ok. If some people don't like the way I look, then that ain't my problem. If I don't like the way I look, I can just not look at myself. People are so worried about the way they themselves look, that they probably don't care what I look like anyway. And if they don't like what they see, then that's their problem. Let their eyes be offended. All that matters is to take good care of myself and try to stay in good health.
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post #52 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 09:27 PM
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**** yeah, I'm ugly. And that's ok. If some people don't like the way I look, then that ain't my problem. If I don't like the way I look, I can just not look at myself. People are so worried about the way they themselves look, that they probably don't care what I look like anyway. And if they don't like what they see, then that's their problem. Let their eyes be offended. All that matters is to take good care of myself and try to stay in good health.
Haha, you're awesome.
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post #53 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 10:48 PM
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I never had a relationship and I went out on exactly one horrible 'date'.
Well, assuming you also don't have casual sex, then at least you're speaking from a perspective I can take seriously on the issue. I still don't really agree that it's unnecessary for happiness in any but the strongest of people. You're still quite young, too. Ask a 70-year-old virgin whether he or she has any regrets or feels his or her life was measurably impacted, and I suspect many would see it differently. (A few would have no regrets, but again, I think they're the fortunate, hardy minority).
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post #54 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 10:53 PM
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I never had a relationship and I went out on exactly one horrible 'date'.
and you giving up on girls lol?? what are you gonna do be a priest??? seriously theres nothing you can do so at least you can get laid on a one night stand or sumthing? you cant be that ugly dude...
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post #55 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-04-2012, 11:54 PM
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I have Body dysmorphic disorder, severe OCD, Social Anxiety, and an eating disorder. Everything but my OCD would be better if I could have a few surgerys. I would love just to hang out with people not worrying about how I look but it is impossible for me to do so. My quality of life would improve so much. Some people such as myself just can't help it.
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post #56 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-05-2012, 12:21 AM
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The problem is that being "ugly" is in fact an issue. Many scientists have correlated facial symmetry with health. This is not always the case, but it is in many cases. So "better looking people" will subconsciously be repulsed by less good looking people because in their eyes the genes are "inferior" even though this may not be the case and whether or not certain genes are inferior change with the overall environment of Earth and social/cultural influences.

OP has a point in that being ugly is not the end of the world, but it will certainly mean a life that is less enjoyable, just like how chronic diseases or allergies can significantly lower the quality of life for people who suffer from them. It is a significant handicap and people who are "ugly" have a right to complain. The problem is that this can't really be solved just with plastic surgery, which would be extremely expensive -> the problem also lies with parents who had kids without thinking about how their kids would turn out or parents without particularly good genetics themselves choosing to have kids. Society and the world is cruel. It's all about survival of the fittest.

Whether or not someone is "fit" in American human society depends on these factors: for men -> should be tall, symmetrical face, be able to grow facial hair, fit and/or muscular, general v shaped body, no diseases, high intelligence, good personality, status, money; for women symmetrical/pretty face (based on media images). long natural hair (indicates health), no diseases, hourglass figure, personality, intelligence.

But what happens when you get the crappiest of the crappiest genetics from the genetic lottery? Of course life is gonna suck. Whose fault is it? Definitely not yours. Your parents? They are partly to blame. Society? They are also partly to blame. The cruelty of Existence? yeah 100%

Of course you can hunker down and with your willpower overcome many of these obstacles, but genetics will always be on your heels, hounding you for life. You can only do so much to overcome genetics.


-------
Just to add, those pretty girls and guys or naturally very fit, muscular, etc. people, yeah they will enjoy their 20s, 30s (though many women already start losing their looks by their 30s), maybe even their 40s, but I can tell you that by their 50s, they won't be so happy anymore and many will not be enjoying life at all by 60. I've met a lot of men and women who go to the gym obsessively who are around their late 30s. Why? Because they can slowly feel old age rotting their bodies away and destroying their appearance. One guy in the army even told me that he secretly hopes not to live past 40 so that he can "die in his prime" He's 38 and signs up for the most dangerous areas. Maybe you never get to enjoy the good times attractive people get to enjoy, but they are going to experience a lot of hurt when they lose all of that when they get old.

Life is fleeting if you think about it. Appearance will rot slowly with age. Everything does. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to take care of it, but ultimately, your ideas and conscience and how much you have enjoyed your time on Earth is what matters in the end when you leave the world. Relationships as well, to an extent, but I believe that we enter and exit this world alone, so your own consciousness is what matters the most.
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post #57 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-05-2012, 03:06 AM
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It really is. If 'ugly' people have a great personality and love themselves - it makes others love them back.
Case in point, I have a celeb crush on Simon Pegg. Is he conventionally attractive? I don't think so. But he's hilarious and a great actor, and I imagine a great guy to hang around with.

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post #58 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-05-2012, 03:34 AM
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I lost out on the genetic lottery lookswise, but it's now the least of my problems.

I don't save anything for the swim back.
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post #59 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-05-2012, 05:39 AM
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Everyone has something beautiful about them. Both inside and out.

I blame the media spreading an unrealistic image of how the perfect person/face/body should look, huge billboards in the streets, on buses, in magazines, the worst thing is they've been made up by professionals and edited to within an inch of their lives!

What is the definition of ugly? I don't think there is one.

None but ourselves can free our minds - Bob Marley
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post #60 of 116 (permalink) Old 07-05-2012, 01:38 PM
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There's more to life than romance so Mother Teresa is a perfect example. I can see how looks will matter greatly in your confidence in the dating world but....we don't live in the dating world. Transferring insecurities about the way you look into your work, family, or friend life is insane. I was bullied too for my appearance...so when I say shut the hell up---It's coming from the heart---lol because I'm talking to myself too, it's tough Love.

As many other posters have already stated, romantic relationships and the lack thereof, can significantly impact quality of life. Not everyone needs a significant other to enhance their life, but there are plenty of posters on here who have never experienced a relationship. Of course, that will bother them. Looks matter, maybe they shouldn't, but it's a fact that they do. To deny that is to deny reality. You may think what you're saying is "tough love" but all it really amounts to is kicking people while they're down.
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