Shame and Apathy - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 01:52 PM Thread Starter
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Shame and Apathy


Does anyone else experience this. When i was age 18 i went thru something that hit me like a brick wall within about 3 days time. Shame about sex. My mind was flooded with it, hearing it as in innuendoes', connotations etc etc. I had zero personal space. I was of course paranoid out of my mind. Ten years later of purging myself of all sexual activity, including even looking at a nude on a movie etc..otherwise it would inflame the whole thing.
To be short, to this day, 50 years later, i've become unbearably depressed and feeling desperate the older i get with it.

I say immatuity because i think their is that underlying element to it. I feel like something is missing and it's become more and more noticeable from others.

I have a face that doesn't look very masculine in my opinion. I think people are itching for me to slip up somewhere and have an altercation.
I have those too....been a long time be cause i've been very very careful where i step with people. But because of having so much apathy with the shame, it's terrifying. I can't express it genuinely..oh, sorry i ran over your feet.........etc. It comes out like i'm pissed more than anything and sound guilty as hell, then the other person comes in for the attack. Reall bad stuff.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 01:59 PM
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I feel your pain. Life without intimacy and sex is hard. There is a reason why it is so important to people. Without it, most people will be miserable. I would really look into testosterone as it can significantly raise your confidence and sex drive. Without those 2 things, you will not be successful.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 02:05 PM Thread Starter
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Denwil,
No, it's not that. My sex drive has always been good or too good...It's just that shame came over me early on in life and i never understood why. I KNOW it was psychosis because it was a moral matter, i was fully aware of that. It was like i was hitler or something and commited some monstrous immoral act, which i didn't. Anyway, because of the pain, i stopped masturbation cold turkey for the next 10 years and never peeked at any nude photos etc. Hard to explain all this. But like i told my psyc Dr just yesterday, it's as though i'm still THERE...........emotionally, even though i've aged for 50 more years. And i think people are seeing it in my face more and more. Including the bad shame i have towards my own self. It's turned into such unbearable depression. Back then, it was more paranoia because i was young.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 02:11 PM
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Hmm i have shame due to lack of experience and not being able to relate to the average male. I used to feel some shame due to being introduced to porn really young. If nothing dramatic happened when you were young, you shouldn't feel shame. Its human nature.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 02:21 PM
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Traumatic **
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