Shame and Apathy
Does anyone else experience this. When i was age 18 i went thru something that hit me like a brick wall within about 3 days time. Shame about sex. My mind was flooded with it, hearing it as in innuendoes', connotations etc etc. I had zero personal space. I was of course paranoid out of my mind. Ten years later of purging myself of all sexual activity, including even looking at a nude on a movie etc..otherwise it would inflame the whole thing.
To be short, to this day, 50 years later, i've become unbearably depressed and feeling desperate the older i get with it.
I say immatuity because i think their is that underlying element to it. I feel like something is missing and it's become more and more noticeable from others.
I have a face that doesn't look very masculine in my opinion. I think people are itching for me to slip up somewhere and have an altercation.
I have those too....been a long time be cause i've been very very careful where i step with people. But because of having so much apathy with the shame, it's terrifying. I can't express it genuinely..oh, sorry i ran over your feet.........etc. It comes out like i'm pissed more than anything and sound guilty as hell, then the other person comes in for the attack. Reall bad stuff.