Self pride versus Self acceptance... and the degrading aspect of self acceptance - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-11-2012, 10:41 AM Thread Starter
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Self pride versus Self acceptance... and the degrading aspect of self acceptance


This was just something I was thinking of earlier. I don't know the best way to describe this but I'll give it a go.

Basically, we all strive for complete self acceptance in life. Or do we? I don't know if we all as a human population do, but I guess people in our situation do anyways. I.e. people who are unhappy with certain aspects of themselves.

Now, if you have read my two posts so far, you will know that my main problem is my looks. The way I don't like my physical makeup, and the way I would love to look different. They say true beauty shines through when one accepts themselves fully. I am not going to say that is not true, because I know it is. Yes, there have been a few times in the last 6 months where I have felt 100 % full self acceptance. The periods lasted very short, maybe just a few hours max. But they felt great. I am not saying I looked like Brad Pitt during these periods of self acceptance, but I didn't need to. I was just happy with myself and therefore felt very attractive.

You may say ''Woah this is great that you have experienced this lately, it proves you are on the road to happiness and nearly there''. Yes I suppose you are right in one sense. However... it does make you question it all.

There is something very degrading about self acceptance. It is almost as if you have just decided that there is no way you are going to achieve what you want, and that you are going to settle for the non ideal version of you. Now I know nothing is ideal, and nothing is perfect. Especially in the looks department.... I read before that there is no such thing as a perfectly symmetrical face. But surely you can relate to what I mean. I want to look a certain way but I can't due to natural genetics. Plastic surgery is. an option but it is a dangerous and costly route... therefore self acceptance is the only option.

It all just seems like a bit of a lie. And in fact, it's kind of ironic in a way. We are told the most important thing to do is be ourselves.... but by accepting the things we don't like about ourselves and 'settling' for the things we don't like about ourselves, instead of following our dreams and changing things albeit in a drastic manner (plastic surgery)... then are we actually being ourselves?

I spent the last 8 years of my life dreaming of the day I would look a certain way, dreaming of the day I would have a beautiful face in the mirror. I am reaching a stage now where I am about to let go of all that self pride and accept that I just look the way I do, which is average-below average. My true beauty could well shine through then and I could love what I see in the mirror, as well as attracting girls who I find beautiful in both a physical and spiritual/personality sense. When I accept myself fully I will be able to carry myself extremely well and will look really attractive. There is a good chance I will get loads of girls and naturally attract people.

So yeah, self acceptance seems great. But it also seems like a bit of a lie in a way.... and I just don't know what to think. Letting go of all your dreams, hopes, self pride and accepting something you don't like... it just seems irrational, even if it makes you happy.
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-11-2012, 11:27 AM
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So yeah, self acceptance seems great. But it also seems like a bit of a lie in a way.... and I just don't know what to think. Letting go of all your dreams, hopes, self pride and accepting something you don't like... it just seems irrational, even if it makes you happy.
How can your appearance be a lie? Everyone was born with the original appearance they have. No one gets to choose what they look like before they are born so accepting yourself would cause less emotional pain. What do you feel your current looks are taking away from your personality or character? What do you feel you have lost when you "settle" for the looks you were born with?

Know and believe in yourself, and what others think won't disturb you (William Feather)
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-11-2012, 03:04 PM Thread Starter
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How can your appearance be a lie? Everyone was born with the original appearance they have. No one gets to choose what they look like before they are born so accepting yourself would cause less emotional pain. What do you feel your current looks are taking away from your personality or character? What do you feel you have lost when you "settle" for the looks you were born with?
My goal at wanting to look a certain way and reap the rewards of looking that certain way.
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-11-2012, 03:18 PM
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My goal at wanting to look a certain way and reap the rewards of looking that certain way.
What do you believe those rewards would be if you had the appearance you wanted?

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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-11-2012, 04:23 PM Thread Starter
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What do you believe those rewards would be if you had the appearance you wanted?
Girls, and being able to sustain a long term relationship.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-11-2012, 04:40 PM
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Girls, and being able to sustain a long term relationship.
There are girls who don't place as much value on a guys appearance. Perhaps that is where your search should be focused if you think the girls you date only care about looks?

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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-11-2012, 05:11 PM Thread Starter
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There are girls who don't place as much value on a guys appearance. Perhaps that is where your search should be focused if you think the girls you date only care about looks?
I appreciate your point.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-11-2012, 05:23 PM
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I want to see a picture of you. I bet you aren't ugly. And remember confidence is the most attractive trait a man can have. You become confident and you can get any girl you want in this world.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-11-2012, 05:23 PM
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I actually rather understand your point. My biggest life goal is learning to accept and like myself as I am (I've already tried for MANY years to improve myself and have others accept me, mostly without luck--the result being I hate myself ). The thing is..."as I am" is really not something to be proud of being. Jobless, no relationships, no social life, no real use to society. I'm not saying I want to GIVE UP or anything like that...just that I don't want the focus of my life to be working on things that I've already worked on and failed to change, and to spend the rest of my life hating myself for being a failure.

I want this feeling of accepting myself without feeling like I've just quit. To keep my options open to improvement, but to be allowed to say that it doesn't matter how hard you try at some things, some things won't change, and it's not worth battering your head against a wall if you can learn to value yourself.

It's difficult. I'm not sure how else to explain it. Perhaps if I were to succeed in reaching this state of accepting myself, this complication wouldn't wear on me so! I guess I just don't want acceptance of myself to come across to others as just being some kind of loser who doesn't want to bother trying. Dunno. I'm running out of rational things to say. :/

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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-12-2012, 04:34 AM Thread Starter
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I want to see a picture of you. I bet you aren't ugly. And remember confidence is the most attractive trait a man can have. You become confident and you can get any girl you want in this world.
Kind of my point in this thread....

Confidence, confidence, confidence. How many people actually have a high level of confidence? Very few in my opinion, some are just blessed with better cards than others.
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-12-2012, 04:36 AM Thread Starter
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[QUOTE=tehuti88;1060204904] I want this feeling of accepting myself without feeling like I've just quit.

This.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-12-2012, 08:20 AM
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Method,

You can acquire confidence. Believe it or not but I am more confident now than I was 4 years ago. You aren't born with confidence and don't need the cards to be confident.

I think you guys are afraid to accept YOURSELF because you associate who you are with your social anxiety. YOU ARE NOT your social anxiety. Social anxiety is a problem that we have. We can still accept WHO WE ARE and still strive and work towards overcoming the problem that we have called social anxiety.
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-12-2012, 10:37 AM Thread Starter
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Method,

You can acquire confidence. Believe it or not but I am more confident now than I was 4 years ago. You aren't born with confidence and don't need the cards to be confident.

I think you guys are afraid to accept YOURSELF because you associate who you are with your social anxiety. YOU ARE NOT your social anxiety. Social anxiety is a problem that we have. We can still accept WHO WE ARE and still strive and work towards overcoming the problem that we have called social anxiety.
Thanks for your advice and input.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-12-2012, 04:45 PM
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So yeah, self acceptance seems great. But it also seems like a bit of a lie in a way.... and I just don't know what to think. Letting go of all your dreams, hopes, self pride and accepting something you don't like... it just seems irrational, even if it makes you happy.
There's not one person on this planet who is universally attractive. And not one person even close to perfection. The world will never accept us as a whole it is only ourselves who can do this. Even if you were to achieve your 'dream look' it would not guarantee happiness, sucess, love or fortune. The only thing that can bring this is self-acceptance. So in many ways it is this image of beauty you carry that is the lie. Your true self is within.

So many of us try to fix our insides by changing our aeshetics... No matter how much we change it's never good enough, or we tire of our new hair colour, new designer outfit etc. We lose the weight but we still attract the same old people into our lives. Maybe if we focused on healing the inside rather than hiding behind our looks we could really improve ourselves. And often when a person is happy and confident they make the best choices for themselves and take care of themselves and as a result over time can appear more attractive.

Hope this helps somehow, I know the struggle I have much to learn about self-acceptance myself.
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