Save me from temptation and free me from evil - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-19-2019, 11:46 AM Thread Starter
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 12:09 AM
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I'm an alcoholic and stopped because in the end it only makes things worse, especially your physical health. There really are no benefits to drinking (unless in moderation). But what really saved me is being prescribed the drug antibuse, this means no matter how high my cravings are, I'm unable to drink as I will become extremely sick. Sometimes willpower isn't enough to overcome addiction. You may need support and medication. I wish nothing but the best for you.

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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 07:26 AM Thread Starter
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I'm an alcoholic and stopped because in the end it only makes things worse, especially your physical health. There really are no benefits to drinking (unless in moderation). But what really saved me is being prescribed the drug antibuse, this means no matter how high my cravings are, I'm unable to drink as I will become extremely sick. Sometimes willpower isn't enough to overcome addiction. You may need support and medication. I wish nothing but the best for you.
Omg this. You drink to get rid of your anxiety and it feels orgasmic to finally relax. Then you do dumb crap and when you wake up the next day, you’re way more anxious than you ever were.

I wish I could drink in moderation. That’s what I keep telling myself. “Just get a little buzz then stop!” “Don’t buy a handle and you’ll be good!” “Just buy a tiny bottle or 2 cans of a malt beverage and that’s it” But I know myself. It’s like I turn into a wild animal trying to obtain more alcohol once it’s in my system. I know damn well that I’d probably grab my keys and get to the nearest liquor store to buy enough liquor to blackout from, risking a DUI. Not worth it.

The only benefit is that it feels good. Really good. It’s the best feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but I never really enjoyed other things as much as alcohol. Not cuddles or love or validation or sex or cigarettes or opioids or benzodiazepines or weed or freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. All of those are inferior to alcohol.

To be anxious and alert almost all the time, then have that relieved in every sip, to finally lose my inhibitions and speak my mind for once, to have the confidence to do everything I ever wanted to do, and to just lie back, close my eyes and be on the most pleasurable rollercoaster of relaxation and freedom from this anxious hell, even if it was just for 10 minutes before blacking out, made it all worth it for me.

It made everything I do better. Shows were funnier. Food tasted better. Video games were more fun and I felt like I was way better at them because I didn’t second guess myself or hesitate. That’s before I blacked out of course. Then I was worse at everything.

I’ve experienced it myself. It only makes life worse in the long run. Short term pleasure for long term consequences is no way to live. I don’t want to go into detail about the dumb **** done while drunk, but I could’ve ruined or lost my life and the life of others permanently. It’s not worth it.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 06:49 PM Thread Starter
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I'm sorry to say, but I gave in!

I mean... come on. I just want to have fun. On the weekends, I usually have mostly nothing to do. I get done with my chores and other duties in less than 3 hours. I'm alone most of the time.

It's friday night! I deserve to have a little enjoyment in life. All the other normies are out in their little normie parties. Why can't I have my party of one!? I can sing and dance, play video games, listen to music, watch stuff and it's all so much better while I got a little buzz going on.

I didn't buy hard liquor. Just two cans of four loko. That was it. No more than that.

I locked my keys in my safe to ensure I won't drunk-drive to get more. I know the password, but it provides an extra step to getting my keys. I'm on an empty stomach and I haven't drank in months, so this may be enough to get me drunk, so I won't be able to press in the right password at all.

It's going to be fine. That's what I told myself. Millions and millions of people can drink of moderation. I need to learn to be one of those people. Since I'm not in a bad mood and life is good, I think I won't go into a rage-mode or anything. Because that's what alcohol does. The bottle lets all the stuff you keep bottled in, out. And my inside looks fine right now. At least better than before.
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 08:13 PM Thread Starter
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Okay and yes. I know the actual quote is "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil", but I don't give a ****. I'm not religious. Religion is nothing but some made-up story from the mind of some narcissist who spread their word and other people blindly believed it. I don't give a **** about superstition either. I come from a very superstitious family, and you know what I have to say about it? **** your dumbass bull****. I don't even say bless you after someone sneezes because we gotta live in REALITY instead of fantasy. I throw your superstitous bull**** in the trash and we can have a loud argument about it. I'm sticking to the facts that there is no point in life, there is no point to why we're here, there is no higher meaning, there is no meaning to ANYTHING, there is no afterlife, we're nothing but bacteria inhabiting this planet, and that's it. So **** off.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 09:00 PM
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Okay and yes. I know the actual quote is "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil", but I don't give a ****. I'm not religious. Religion is nothing but some made-up story from the mind of some narcissist who spread their word and other people blindly believed it. I don't give a **** about superstition either. I come from a very superstitious family, and you know what I have to say about it? **** your dumbass bull****. I don't even say bless you after someone sneezes because we gotta live in REALITY instead of fantasy. I throw your superstitous bull**** in the trash and we can have a loud argument about it. I'm sticking to the facts that there is no point in life, there is no point to why we're here, there is no higher meaning, there is no meaning to ANYTHING, there is no afterlife, we're nothing but bacteria inhabiting this planet, and that's it. So **** off.
I think it's a shame that your mindset completely changed after this.


The goal is to get through situations (one at a time) without having to rely on self-medication......even when circumstances change. You could celebrate without the "Loko".

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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 10:27 PM
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The only benefit is that it feels good. Really good. Itís the best feeling Iíve ever felt in my life. I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but I never really enjoyed other things as much as alcohol. Not cuddles or love or validation or sex or cigarettes or opioids or benzodiazepines or weed or freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. All of those are inferior to alcohol.
I so understand what your saying about how it feels good. A couple drinks then you get that buzzed feeling and all the stress goes away. Ive tried medication my DR. prescribed. Valium, Xanax and none of them get the job done like alcohol. Sex I would take over alcohol but to get sex drinking seems to be linked to that as well.
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 10:46 PM
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Maybe wait until "the coast is really really really clear" before indulging again, like maybe once all of your debts are paid off and you're comfortable/confident in your new job. Things may appear to be going good/going in the right direction but can take a sharp turn the other way for unknown reasons too... so have to be careful.. can't "celebrate" too early even if you think you have all the cards.

How do you get the drinks though? Do you buy or it's around the house? If you bought them yourself you could try and rationale that you're wasting surplus money you can't afford to spend atm (because debts aren't paid back yet). Once everything's settled though then you can loosen up and start going a bit wild again lol..

As for the moderation I'm not sure how to fix that, I have an addictive-style temperament too (+ mild OCD) which attaches itself to random habits if I'm not careful, especially if starved of certain life qualities.

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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 11:00 PM Thread Starter
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Maybe wait until "the coast is really really really clear" before indulging again, like maybe once all of your debts are paid off and you're comfortable/confident in your new job. Things may appear to be going good/going in the right direction but can take a sharp turn the other way for unknown reasons too... so have to be careful.. can't "celebrate" too early even if you think you have all the cards.

How do you get the drinks though? Do you buy or it's around the house? If you bought them yourself you could try and rationale that you're wasting surplus money you can't afford to spend atm (because debts aren't paid back yet). Once everything's settled though then you can loosen up and start going a bit wild again lol..

As for the moderation I'm not sure how to fix that, I have an addictive-style temperament too (+ mild OCD) which attaches itself to random habits if I'm not careful, especially if starved of certain life qualities.
No you don’t know kw
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 11:01 PM Thread Starter
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The only benefit is that it feels good. Really good. It’s the best feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but I never really enjoyed other things as much as alcohol. Not cuddles or love or validation or sex or cigarettes or opioids or benzodiazepines or weed or freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. All of those are inferior to alcohol.
I so understand what your saying about how it feels good. A couple drinks then you get that buzzed feeling and all the stress goes away. Ive tried medication my DR. prescribed. Valium, Xanax and none of them get the job done like alcohol. Sex I would take over alcohol but to get sex drinking seems to be linked to that as well.
Ok and?
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 11:03 PM Thread Starter
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Okay and yes. I know the actual quote is "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil", but I don't give a ****. I'm not religious. Religion is nothing but some made-up story from the mind of some narcissist who spread their word and other people blindly believed it. I don't give a **** about superstition either. I come from a very superstitious family, and you know what I have to say about it? **** your dumbass bull****. I don't even say bless you after someone sneezes because we gotta live in REALITY instead of fantasy. I throw your superstitous bull**** in the trash and we can have a loud argument about it. I'm sticking to the facts that there is no point in life, there is no point to why we're here, there is no higher meaning, there is no meaning to ANYTHING, there is no afterlife, we're nothing but bacteria inhabiting this planet, and that's it. So **** off.
I think it's a shame that your mindset completely changed after this.


The goal is to get through situations (one at a time) without having to rely on self-medication......even when circumstances change. You could celebrate without the "Loko".
I walked through it all by myself as a single woman in the the dark. Welcome! Yes
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-20-2019, 11:58 PM
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Did God read this post I wonder ? He's just going to watch as usual as one of his stray flock is picked of by wolves, does he even Shepard anymore : /






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 06:17 AM Thread Starter
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Omfg. I just woke up from a blackout. Sorry everyone. I’m a mean drunk. I woke up completely naked and apparently I was screaming angrily at nothing. My throat hurts. Also, I must’ve fallen on hard cement because I scraped my knee. It hurts like hell. Haven’t had a scraped knee since I was a kid.

So I drank those 2 four lokos, then I literally ran on foot to the liquor store at midnight and got a handle. ****. I could’ve been stabbed or mugged or something. I vaguely remember yelling at people across the street.

But nothing happened to me. I immediately started cleaning and checking for all my things after the blackout. Nothing is missing. My room was a complete mess, but it’s clean now. **** though. What if something happened?

I don’t even want to touch that handle. I want to return it. I didn’t get the receipt though.

God damn it!!! I thought I could drink in moderation. I couldn’t. What’d I tell myself about turning to an uncaged beast to get more alcohol! I knew I couldn’t trust myself.

At least I didn’t drunk drive!!!! But I never know what drunk-me will do after a blackout. Drunk-me is very dangerous.

Damn it.
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 09:30 AM
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Well now I know what 2 four lokos is, liquid crack ...






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 09:51 AM Thread Starter
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Well now I know what 2 four lokos is, liquid crack :-)...
Lol they took the caffeine and other energy stuff out. I’m just a really bad drunk. I’m going back to the store to try to refund this bottle of vodka. I will fight tooth and nail or call the manufacturer if I have to. That’s what I did when my cat didn’t like a cat food. I went to two stores and called five, was refused a refund, then I called the number on the bag and they sent me a check for the bag a month later.

At least I got it out of my system now. I remember why I quit and I’m not going back to drinking again.


UPDATE: Yup, I was denied the refund at the store. He kept going on and on about how it’s illegal and “according to law” he can’t give me the refund with or without the receipt, even though I looked it up and it’s legal in this state. But I wasn’t going to stand there trying to argue. If he thinks it’s illegal, there’s no way in hell that he’s going to risk his job and the store’s liquor license for a single refund. So I just left.

I tried calling the number on the bottle. No answer. Because IT’S SATURDAY. They won’t be open until Monday. Damn it. I hate the weekends.
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 12:04 PM
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Omfg. I just woke up from a blackout. Sorry everyone. Iím a mean drunk. I woke up completely naked and apparently I was screaming angrily at nothing. My throat hurts. Also, I mustíve fallen on hard cement because I scraped my knee. It hurts like hell. Havenít had a scraped knee since I was a kid.

So I drank those 2 four lokos, then I literally ran on foot to the liquor store at midnight and got a handle. ****. I couldíve been stabbed or mugged or something. I vaguely remember yelling at people across the street.

But nothing happened to me. I immediately started cleaning and checking for all my things after the blackout. Nothing is missing. My room was a complete mess, but itís clean now. **** though. What if something happened?

I donít even want to touch that handle. I want to return it. I didnít get the receipt though.

God damn it!!! I thought I could drink in moderation. I couldnít. Whatíd I tell myself about turning to an uncaged beast to get more alcohol! I knew I couldnít trust myself.

At least I didnít drunk drive!!!! But I never know what drunk-me will do after a blackout. Drunk-me is very dangerous.

Damn it.

Had a few drunk and crazy nights like that in my past as well. Wild times. Dosent sound like you screwed up anything to bad or caused any permanent damage. So try to learn from the experience and when you drink try not to go totally crazy. Try checking out this website that teaches you how to drink without harming yourself or others. https://hams.cc/ Its helped me a lot
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 12:56 PM
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Returning liquor for a refund ..? :-)...give it to someone as a present.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 09:19 AM Thread Starter
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Isn’t it ****ed up how ingrained alcohol is into almost every culture on this earth, yet it feels like I’m the only one who can’t go ****ing insane and end up binge drinking? How do the other people do it? Just drink a few shots, be happy, and done?



It’s so true... gas and the brakes, but what if my brakes aren’t working? Like I can’t stop once I start.

I won’t touch that handle even though I really want to because I know how I’ll end up. Screaming, injuries, fight starting. Plus I have work tomorrow and can’t afford to feel so miserable like I always do after drinking.
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 09-22-2019, 09:43 AM
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Yes it's true there's probably much better drugs, but alcohol is the popular one in most cultures & does the most damage by far overall, probably cause it's legal & cheap, but also from a goverment side it stimulates economies by lower inhibitions & promoting promiscuous behavior, procreating, helping create a young workforce etc.

But even when it was illegal or poor people needed a cheap alternative they used to make moonshine or poteen or whatever each culture calls it, my alcoholic uncle's used to be involved with people who did that years ago.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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