Random flashbacks of bullies - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-21-2019, 10:56 AM Thread Starter
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Random flashbacks of bullies

This is a regular thing for me. I'll be having a normal or even good day, when something reminds me of a very specific situation I was bullied, picked on or whatever. And I'll spiral down the rabbit hole of these memories and I just become so miserable. I'll even blame myself for why it happened to me.

I would give so much to be free of these experiences. To go back in time and handle those situations like a boss.

I am feeling super resentful about certain people right now, and I know for sure that they NEVER even think of me. They probably have no idea that what they did has affected me so deeply. I really want them to go through what they caused me.
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-23-2019, 10:52 PM
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I was bullied pretty badly in school, and I know it messed me up, but I don't really think about specific instances very often. Mostly when I'm relating what happened to other people. But it was all a long time ago now.

I did stand up for myself, and maybe that helped. I wasn't plagued with regret. No, "I should have done this, I should have done that". But standing up for myself also made the bullying worse. Things just spiraled out of control, until I was getting death threats. So if I could go back, I might just keep my mouth shut this time.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-24-2019, 07:12 AM
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I'm not sure of how extreme your bullying was but none of it's your fault.

Whenever I look back at memories of my bullying it helps me realize a few things. Bullies are just narcissistic delusional people. They genuinely believe that they're better than you and it's hilarious. They most likely attack you because they need to feed their ego, I sometimes wonder why I was even scared of these weirdos. It's even funnier when they have their little crony friends tagging along with them. I kid you not it's the stuff straight out of cartoons man.

It makes me wanna burst out laughing at times. These people are so pathetic so whenever I look back at those memories it just makes me glad I don't think I'm better than anyone. It makes me glad I'm not as delusional as them.

I hope this doesn't seem like I'm invalidating your experience Op. It's just that when I look back at some of my memories it makes me question why I even took some of these people seriously. You have to remember that people always hold some weird delusion of themselves to make up for the fact that they aren't as unique or valuable as much as they think they are.

Usually, when people look back at their bullying memories they always have fear or trauma leftover from it. It's different for me however I don't hold fear from them anymore. They make me realize that I actually understand my place in the world better than they do. I don't see myself as this important figure and I don't makeup fantasies of how much better I am than other people.

She was very beautiful. Kind, but sad.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-24-2019, 10:14 AM
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What I think could help you is exploring these memories more, and examing from that what is giving you so much trauma after all these years?

Working through your memories objectively can help you so that they don't hold you back anymore.

You deserve a good life.

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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-24-2019, 12:14 PM
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I don't get flashbacks or even think on it a lot. I was hardly bullied at all in school. I was bullied a but at work and i never did anything about it, but I dont wish I had done anything.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-24-2019, 09:31 PM
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I have some flashbacks from past too, or even quite often sometimes...
I remember some of my past having much fear (of course where else did most of my problems start - school) it had big boost on my social anxiety and gave me OCD... I didn't stood up for myself, because I was always afraid of pain (at some point I am afraid of it too even now, even though I'm not afraid of death anymore, but I was back then) I always was weak and good for nothing, I'm not able to fight for myself, I never was anything that is supposed to live, not something that's meant for existing... I know that I deserved all that bad that I got and it's all because I'm existing... I wish I was never born. I always wish that all this nightmare came to an end, I wish my life would end asap. Earlier school, now work, I don't feel safe anywhere. Everything that I deserved is just suffering and pain, but at the same time I hate it so much. I just wish it was an easy way to end my life, any way that even someone as useless as me would be able to do... It's the only way how that problem could be handled somehow. There are no other ways to solve that, no hope, no more dreams, no bright future, the more far it goes, it only get darker.

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-24-2019, 09:43 PM
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I had a few bullies here and there (and just generally had a lot of random incidents where other kids were typically cruel and nasty like kids do) but I guess I was kinda lucky in that my bullies generally were not as bad as some people's and/or the length of time in which I was bullied wasn't very long.

The worst bullying I has was somewhere between 5th and 7th grade. And while it sucked, when it was over I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it. I have probably thought about it more in the past couple of years (making these posts) than I did in all the years in-between.

The bullying also didn't change my trust of other people one way or another. More just confirmed that people were not to be trusted. I'm not really bitter about it. I can't really think of a time I had an actual flashback

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 02:40 AM
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One of the few things I was surprised I didn't really have much of an issue with growing up. I was picked on quite a few times randomly, but never really was a persistent target of a single bully. Like I've seen with quite a few others in school. Mostly boys, as I figure it's mostly a male thing. Although I seen quite a few girls being picked on persistently as well, usually emotionally picked on. And I could tell obviously how it has affected them and shaped how they act with their personality then.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 03:30 AM
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I don't really get flashbacks but can vividly recall certain situations that were really bad, impacted my self esteem & confidence in a major way & certainly helped shape my long term outlook on things.

I left school early because of it, shut myself away with videogames & didn't have many of the experiences I should have had in teenage years, early 20's to help build my self esteem & confidence up to effectively handle adult life.

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 07:19 AM
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I used to have bad acne in high school. I used concealer to hide it and one guy noticed it and told everyone. That was a hellish few days. It's not on the same level as some bullying but it affected me at the time. I was also picked on for having hairy legs when I was 11. Gym classes were stressful because of that.

I actually woke up the other night and started thinking about people from highschool. I googled some random names and checked out some of their Facebook and linkedin profiles. They all have stable employment and some have children. One had a house, his own joinery company and a baby. I have jack ****. Sure they don't have amazing jobs but they have decent lives.

I experienced bullying during my masters degree... at least I think it was bullying / psychological. One of the admin women was an absolute ***** to me. At one point she told me to quit the course because I was behind on the work. There was another instance where she told me I had wasted a supervisors time. As soon as I saw the email I phoned her up and told her I hadn't wasted anyones time. I was speaking through gritted teeth I was so angry. I think it took her by surprise. In January she quit her job / was relocated I don't know if it was down to me but it felt like karma. I also won an academic appeal whilst I was there which I think cheesed her off. I played the long game and won.

In hindsight I will never allow myself to get into a situation where I am vulnerable. As soon as there are any warning signs I am out of there... be it in a job, education, relationship or otherwise. Life is too short and I am a different person now. I have developed a short fuse.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 07:21 AM
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There's a lot of things I can't do because of bullies.
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