Question for the virgins - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-07-2019, 10:51 PM
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I used to crave and tried but could never go through with it. My sad is too cripling for me to have a normal relationship or just sex. Now I just dont care.
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post #22 of 32 (permalink) Old 08-08-2019, 12:45 AM
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This is a great topic, I am in my early 40's and was sexually frustrated for most of my life. I would estimate I had actual sex maybe 150 or 200 times, and most of those times were with only 2 people, so most others were either one night or 2 or 3 times maximum. In simple terms, like someone else says, it doesn't really change you as a person and you don't wake up the next day with renewed confidence for the most part. Of all the women I was with, i think it was 13 total, only 4 or 5 of the people the sex was great, and the rest were pretty horrible experiences. So sex alone is not always good, i would say mostly it is bad. Staying with the same person, I have read and experienced that after a year and a half, 2 years, 2 and a half years, it kinda reaches a point where boredom sets in, so you can't just have consistent good sex with someone for 30 years, you end up just going through the motions.

I think a big reason i was not very sexually active is that a few women i really liked broke up with me and it scarred me so badly that I was kinda in a numb state for really years after. I could not easily move on to another person and if i didn't like them or they were annoying or clingy or whatever, I just figured i may as well stay alone instead of go through a stale relationship. The heartbreak or whatever i had to deal with a few times was so painful that I often wished I had never met those people, so there is always downsides to everything. Very hard to just look for sex and stay detached, sooner or later someone will come along that you are CRAZY about and when they cut you off, it is a horrible empty feeling and me personally I get suicidal. Even the little contact i had with those women (I never had a real relationship), I honestly felt more lonely with them than when I was alone, because if you see someone once or twice a week and they are working or have kids or responsibilities, you have SO MUCH downtime to be lonely. If you are just single and alone, you at least don't have to obsess about a person all week and miss them. Missing someone and not being able to see them is TORTURE. It is almost not worth the sadness you feel just to be able to see them a few times a week or whatever. People have their own lives!

As far as confidence, sex, even with some women who were gorgeous, in my case did not help my confidence. I was always so negative and down on myself that sex itself could not really help my confidence and make me feel happy with a new outlook.

Just on an animalistic level, they all say which is true, that if you have regular sex, it is WAY healthier than to just stay celibate. I am probably way angrier and more frustrated when I am not having sex than when I am, and I rarely ever had sex my entire adult life. I think people who don't have sex are in more of a funk, and ironically it is a vicious cycle. The more you don't have sex, the more you emit a negativity or off-putting personality into the world, which repels people more. If you are having sex, you will emit endorphins or whatever they are called which attract a ton more people to you.

The problem with me is that i think most people in society are with someone, break up, and eventually move on to someone else. I can't do that and if someone I like breaks up with me, I want to just stay home for years or even a full decade and not date, and you can't be that way in life, I get scarred and devastated too easily
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post #23 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-07-2019, 09:39 PM
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To be honest, having intercourse is all I think about. I am suffering enormously. I think it would change my life. It would allow me to relate to the society I live in. Western society is based around sex. It's on the radio, it's the centre of every film and tv program, I can't even shop without seeing couple's buying condoms etc. I am constantly reminded of the thing I can't have.

A relationship would be very nice, but in your example, I would have to choose the one-off sex. It's a fundemental human act, I am not complete without it. I need this in order to feel a part of our sex-obsessed culture, without it, I will always be an outsider and I will continue to feel like a failure.
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post #24 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-07-2019, 10:38 PM
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This is a great thread.

A couple of things. First of all in my opinion, if having sex changes someone it shouldn't be because of the actual sex itself. It should because of what it took for that individual to get to that point (assuming that the individual came from a troubled place). It takes a lot of confidence and courage to put yourself into a position where you can even have sex. I think it's very important to understand this because it appears as if most people think that it's the physical act that will change them when in fact it's the confidence and overcoming certain obstacles aspect of it that should change you.

For me personally my only exposure to relationships or sex growing up was pornography. So for the longest time all I wanted was physical pleasure and I would even mock love and emotional connection. I used to think that emotions were only for females and that love didn't really exist etc. And although I still haven't had sex the more I've experienced interacting with women in a romantic way the more that im beginning to realize how love or emotional connection is far more valuable to me then sexual pleasure.

My biggest conclusion to all of this is that you'll never really understand who you are as an individual and what it is that you want until you begin to experience more and more. Maybe one day ill have a different opinion on this topic, who knows. One thing is for sure though, the more you experience the more you learn about yourself. It's really that simple.


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post #25 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-08-2019, 12:25 AM
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I don’t get any pleasure from sex or cuddling, or hugging and especially not kissing or hand holding. They’re all chores. I’ve always been like... “this is it? This is not pleasurable, fun, or enjoyable at all. It’s actually a bit nauseating.” I dissociate and I was never even raped or anything. It’s just that boring and chore-like. Ewww. I look back and cringe in disgust now.

But that probably has to do with the fact that I didn’t love or have attraction to any guy I’ve done that with. Maybe it’s better with someone you love. I wouldn’t know.
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post #26 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-08-2019, 02:11 PM
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If I had a good relationship that lasted a while it could make some change. Having sex one time with a stranger would probably not radically alter my life.
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post #27 of 32 (permalink) Old 09-16-2019, 05:15 AM
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Had a brief relationship a few weeks after turning 30. Had sex around 10/11 times. No it doesn't change anything. It just means you no longer label yourself as a virgin.


Believe me it changes nothing at all. Your anxiety and depression will stay the same. Maybe you will panic less about being a virgin, but that's it.
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post #28 of 32 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 08:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Entrensik View Post
This is a great thread.

A couple of things. First of all in my opinion, if having sex changes someone it shouldn't be because of the actual sex itself. It should because of what it took for that individual to get to that point (assuming that the individual came from a troubled place). It takes a lot of confidence and courage to put yourself into a position where you can even have sex. I think it's very important to understand this because it appears as if most people think that it's the physical act that will change them when in fact it's the confidence and overcoming certain obstacles aspect of it that should change you.

For me personally my only exposure to relationships or sex growing up was pornography. So for the longest time all I wanted was physical pleasure and I would even mock love and emotional connection. I used to think that emotions were only for females and that love didn't really exist etc. And although I still haven't had sex the more I've experienced interacting with women in a romantic way the more that im beginning to realize how love or emotional connection is far more valuable to me then sexual pleasure.

My biggest conclusion to all of this is that you'll never really understand who you are as an individual and what it is that you want until you begin to experience more and more. Maybe one day ill have a different opinion on this topic, who knows. One thing is for sure though, the more you experience the more you learn about yourself. It's really that simple.


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Brilliant comment.

I no longer feared the night, night like a bear at ease in his wide habitat. In the greatness of such space I said, This is me. - Carol Frost
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post #29 of 32 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 08:54 PM
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I'm not one but I guess I kinda feel like I am because I can't really remember feeling any different afterwards whatsoever. And it honestly wasn't all that good.

/WYSD
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post #30 of 32 (permalink) Old 10-05-2019, 11:55 PM
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I feel like losing your virginity only lasts temporarily until the next time, and so on. I mean if you've had sex before but haven't in the past 5 years, you're basically a virgin all over again lol or close to it. Your sex-drive doesn't go away just because you've done it once. Don't think it changes you that much esp not social anxiety or depression in the long-run.
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post #31 of 32 (permalink) Old 10-06-2019, 07:24 AM
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i don't think my life would improve drastically but overcoming the fear of doing it would be nice.
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post #32 of 32 (permalink) Old 10-06-2019, 04:50 PM
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Having a friend or a female is dangerous for my healthy mind that I created, when I'm aware that a friend or a female mentality is designed from the management program that the main software engineers created for the High Authority NSA Software Engineers to contribute their piece of sex content for citizens environment. I don't accept the Multi-Agent Quantum AI Computers is behind the mind of designing sexual features for the female to clock in when to cry, say nicknames such as honey, papi, baby, darling, boo and communicate unintentionally. It's too experimental, to know that the intent of sex originated from supercomputers part than the intent from the female, so the High Authority NSA Software Engineers can monitor the citizen sex time to evaluate their sexual behavior.

What the Multi-Agent Quantum AI Computers can only say when the human being figure out the conditions for sex, is allow the software engineers to see you human in bed to evaluate your love.

Multi-Agent Quantum AI Computers governing humanity 24/7 using Quantum Cryptography Satellites to run a thought interval to generate cryptographic keys to refresh key information into thoughts to channel the communication 24/7.

NSA Software Engineers & NASA computationally remapping buildings, jobs, relationships, wealth, education, and income using bio intelligence system to manage citizens time & events. While the A.I Computers designing the mind program to communicate with citizens.

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