Previous experience holding me back
I have posted in another forum of my 'relationship' issues (i.e never having one), but I just feel what happened to me in the past is holding me back and I really don't know how to get over it.
Firstly, apologies for the massive post.
I'd known this girl for a long long time, we got very close and agreed to go away on our own for a few nights - without friends/anyone near. We weren't in a relationship, but I wanted it and seemingly she did too, so I was buzzing in the lead up. Bear in mind that I was always a very shy person, low self esteem and low confidence anyway. - that was before this.
The whole plan for the few days slowly turned to rubbish. I'd booked a table at a restaurant, arranged to go and see a film on the first night...but that's as far as it went and still to this day I have no idea what happened. It was OK when we first arrived, went and booked into the hotel etc. But when we went to the restaurant, she spent the time on her phone, barley interacting with me. It made me feel awkward as hell and she was seemingly irritated by everything I did, i.e the type of food I ordered - what's that about? But yeah, she continued to just text at the table and made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
After that, we left, and she started talking again on our way to the cinema, so at this point my mind is going ''WTF?'', and then we got to our seats, but it was quite empty as it was late...so what did she do? I sat on my seat, but she moved 2 seats down from me as to not be with me. So again, I'm like...great...what have I done now.
After the film, we walked out to go back to the hotel and she started chatting about the film, laughing about parts of it with me, by this point my mind was in a state of pure WTFness, I had no idea what day, year, hour or planet I was on, she was taking my mind on a journey on a roller coaster.
Obviously, how she was acting was making me so uncomfortable and I felt awkward.....but when we got back into the hotel, she didn't say a thing. Put her headphones in and started reading some books, I mean, seriously? So I just sat there texting some mates.....
The next day I thought...ok, let's start again, I obviously did something wrong. But she was as off with me the next day as she was the day before, seemingly irritated by anything I did (how I eat food, how I drunk, how I opened doors?). Then that day it just felt as if I was following her around, she wasn't talking to me and she was just doing her own thing, and then she ditched me. Said she had to meet a family member Never saw her again, or heard from her again.
I spent the rest of that afternoon walking around with no idea wtf had gone on, then went back to the hotel and packed my stuff and got the **** out of there as soon as I could. I think initially I was running on Adrenalin, but over the next couple of days once I was home...it hit me, and hit me hard. I quit my job, had to go on AD's and started counseling a few months down the line. She screwed me up totally, I had no self worth, I felt like an alien and someone out of a horror movie.
So since that moment, I've never even attempted to follow up on feelings for a girl. Never. I'm too flaming petrified to even attempt it. But surely, not all girls can be like that? Was that experience simply the worst it can ever get...? That previous experience is pretty much all I've had...so this is why when I like a girl, I'm waiting for so many obvious signs and signals before I do anything, as I don't want to feel like that again.
How can I get over this? It was a while ago, I've totally got over her in particular...but the experience haunts me. As per another thread, there's a girl I do like at the moment but the experience I had is what's holding me back....even though I really want it to happen.