People who tell the "lonely single" to just live and not worry about being single - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 06:52 PM Thread Starter
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People who tell the "lonely single" to just live and not worry about being single


Make me SICK. Ok, I'm ranting here.

Some people advise single ppl who REALLY REALLY want a significant other to not worry about it and just live life, focus on career, hobbies, bettering yourself,etc. I think that advice is just an example of a LACK of sympathy toward lonely/horny single people.

I believe that no one should wallow in self pity.But, the ppl who give the lonely,single ppl advice to just live life don't seem to just be saying "don't wallow in self pity". They seem to be saying STOP being so concerned about something that is REALLY important to you.

Living life and bettering oneself? Who is to say that someone who is really interested in being in a relationship isn't working on bettering themself?

Seriously, problems abound.Why is it I never hear the " just focus on bettering yourself,hobbies,career etc" when it comes to other problems in life?????? I only hear ppl spiting that out when it comes to ppl who really want a bf/gf but don't have one.
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post #2 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 07:06 PM
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It's because certain people, know that in the shy state they're in, their state where they have social anxiety, it's hard to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's hard to maintain to keep one. So it's much easier to focus on bettering yourself, hobbies, and etc, and easier to tell someone else that.

If you want a lover, then try putting yourself out there. Meet people. You fail many times but you have to keep and try until you get yourself a lover.
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post #3 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 07:15 PM
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yeah i hate that. its because they don't understand sa. they just think its a phase of shyness or something. they dont understand if we just work 'on ourselves' we will have even less of a chance
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post #4 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 07:18 PM
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Yeah i feel the exact same way as you about the situation. I'm so sick of people telling me to get a hobby or better myself because you know what i have already tried those things and it did not help at all when all i really want deep down is to have a partner to share my life with and start planning for the future. My dream is to have my own family one day and it just hurts when it seems like this is never going to happen and joining a hobby will not do **** to help me with what i really want.

But as for bettering myself what exactly do people mean by this? Because i already am going to uni and getting an education so i can have a decent job in the future and i do maintain a healthy diet/exercise plan so i can take care of my body.

What else can i do to better myself? And what's the point anyway when i'm all alone.
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post #5 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 08:38 PM
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It's still the best and only advice that someone can give, really... The only way to get a significant other is to meet someone, and if you don't put yourself in places where you can meet/talk to people, then it will never happen. Take it from me - I've been alone for a long time, and if you don't meet people, you will always be alone.
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post #6 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 08:49 PM Thread Starter
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U make sum good points ^

Especially about how if we single sa guys don't try to meet ppl, especially girls, we won't find ANYONE.
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post #7 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 08:54 PM
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I disagree with you. Even if you're in a relationship, at the end of the day, you're the one who has to be happy in your own skin. If you're depressed and hate yourself, then getting a partner is just going to be a temporary solution.
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post #8 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 08:55 PM Thread Starter
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@ rexii wat ur saying doesn't apply to all women though, bruh.And pls don't turn this thread into a gender war.
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post #9 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 08:56 PM
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Originally Posted by changeme77 View Post
I disagree with you. Even if you're in a relationship, at the end of the day, you're the one who has to be happy in your own skin. If you're depressed and hate yourself, then getting a partner is just going to be a temporary solution.
Many of us aren't happy in our own skin because said skin is rejected countless times. So what you are saying, is odd...
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post #10 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 08:57 PM
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stfu about this gender war. it seems to be a common trend on this forum. i wasn't going there at all, just telling it like it is.

edit: my bad i thought that comment was directed at me.
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post #11 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 08:57 PM Thread Starter
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I disagree with you. Even if you're in a relationship, at the end of the day, you're the one who has to be happy in your own skin. If you're depressed and hate yourself, then getting a partner is just going to be a temporary solution.
True that....

But, being single can really hurt like he**. And, that's a bottom line....
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post #12 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 08:58 PM
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My response to you was not regarding that...
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post #13 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 08:59 PM
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Many of us aren't happy in our own skin because said skin is rejected countless times. So what you are saying, is odd...
How many times have you been rejected? I bet it's a really small number. And no bro speaking with a chick and not getting her number is not a rejection. It takes many failures to have success in life.
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post #14 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 09:01 PM
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True that....

But, being single can really hurt like he**. And, that's a bottom line....
Not saying it wouldn't. But you're still be a miserable **** dating a girl you probably don't like that much just to be in a relationship.
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post #15 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 09:04 PM
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Well to be honest, it's not a good thing to depend on someone else you make you happy.
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post #16 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 09:04 PM Thread Starter
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Not saying it wouldn't. But you're still be a miserable **** dating a girl you probably don't like that much just to be in a relationship.
ok.true.
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post #17 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 09:06 PM Thread Starter
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Well to be honest, it's not a good thing to depend on someone else you make you happy.
I AGREE.

So infinity.... What should one DEPEND on for happiness...considering everything is fu˘*ing flawed?????
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post #18 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 09:13 PM
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@the_collector: For some reason I can't quote your post right now. Anyway, as much as the world may suck there are still lots of things that I'd much rather depend on for happiness than women...like food and video games. People can reject you. Food and video games can't.
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post #19 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 10:48 PM Thread Starter
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@the_collector: For some reason I can't quote your post right now. Anyway, as much as the world may suck there are still lots of things that I'd much rather depend on for happiness than women...like food and video games. People can reject you. Food and video games can't.
Well, wat if u lose ur job and become a pauper..or what if another depression occurs and u end up with meager foodstuffs...nothing in this world is SECURE and UNTOUCHABLE. What if a hurricane comes by and lays waste to ur city...like katrina did to New orleans.....
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post #20 of 80 (permalink) Old 03-18-2013, 11:04 PM
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Well, wat if u lose ur job and become a pauper..or what if another depression occurs and u end up with meager foodstuffs...nothing in this world is SECURE and UNTOUCHABLE. What if a hurricane comes by and lays waste to ur city...like katrina did to New orleans.....
The chance of a girl breaking up with you is greater than the chances of a hurricane or depression happening. People break up all the time. Hurricanes and depressions don't. Depending on where you live, a hurricane will probably never happen.
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