People stare at me - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-02-2019, 08:48 AM
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Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
Suspect this might be true. I was literally talking to H about this the other day, she called it the "brown boots effect" after I noticed one time her looking for a microsecond at my boots. "You don't like my boots" I said a bit later on. She said "yeh I do", and I pointed out I noticed her very slight shift in body language. She actually at that time remembered thinking "those are almost the same as his black ones, its strange how he has two pairs almost the same". Point is:

1. I noticed this minutia, literally, how the **** do you even notice someone doing that?
2. I attributed it to dislike in some way (confirmation bias).

It's absolutely insane the amount of stuff I notice, and then mistakenly attribute to weird stuff about me. Walking about, interacting with people, with this kind of mindset, where you have no way of finding out what people are actually thinking and correcting those distortions, its going to absolutely run wild, imo.
Yeah I often feel like my brain is on speed in general (though it's like a patchwork with some areas being deficient/slow and some too fast.) When I think about it it doesn't even just apply to social stuff. It's like I analyse a lot of stuff to the nth insane degree whether I apply a negative self bias to what I'm analysing or not (or whether it's even related to me.)

I think where the environmental factor come in is in where you apply that though. If you've gotten used to people reacting negatively to you then you'll apply that 'ability' to picking up on social cues that only apply to the people you learnt it from who treated you in negative ways and were likely over sensitive themselves.

Oh and the other thing I didn't mention in my previous posts which is another related thing I believe in people with SA is probably pain sensitivity. Someone can treat you like complete **** but you won't remember/care later if you don't have that. (In fact a small number of people don't experience pain, anxiety, trauma etc at all because they're on the opposite end.)

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post #22 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-02-2019, 11:34 AM
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post #23 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-04-2019, 01:33 PM
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People look at me and adjust their clothes. So i have deduced that my clothing disgusts them which is true not because I don't have proper dressing but because my body is oddly shaped due to which the clothes i wear take the shape of my body and look bad. Also i walk weird because of my body structure (kind of like how gay people walk) which looks doubly weird. It kills me everytime I'm in public.

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But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now
mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.”
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post #24 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 05:04 AM
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(kind of like how gay people walk) which looks doubly weird. It kills me everytime I'm in public.
Tell me about the homosexual gait
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post #25 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 07:29 AM
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Tell me about the homosexual gait
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They walk in a feminine way. Not all of them but a lot.

“The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places.
But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands, love is now
mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps, the greater.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
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post #26 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 07:47 AM
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They walk in a feminine way. Not all of them but a lot.
Oh, that is a specific subtype of male homosexual
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post #27 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-06-2019, 06:15 PM
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I would guess that a lot more people stare at me than the average person, and I am even more noticeable because of social anxiety and bad vibes etc. I am 6'3, have very bad posture, very pale skin and frail frame. I kind of stumble around. I have not made eye contact with anyone in about 6 months, even when I am in a store or restaurant I avoid eye contact with everyone. I think even people who are stared at a lot, it is still a relatively small percentage of the population, but it sticks out more or stings or is more obvious when it does happen. I am in New York City and the great majority of people are in their own world and wouldn't notice much anyway. The fact that I am tall i think makes a difference, I also give off extremely bad vibes and I have "crazy" blue eyes, which people have commented on. I would just wear sunglasses all the time but people are nuts about customs like that, GOD FORBID I wear sunglasses indoors, like WHO CARES?!?! I no longer wear sunglasses but I now always wear baseball caps because it hides my eyes and I also have a big forehead. I always have my hat on and looking down with my headphones on in public.

To sum up, it is partially that people do stare and partially that anxiety adds fuel to the fire. I am still convinced that I am stared at way more than the average person. Many other people on the site may be completely off in their own assumptions, and no one is staring. It depends on the person, each case is different. I am just an oddity and I am also just weird in every way, how i walk, or stumble around, my height, my posture, my nasally voice, ghost white skin, and the list goes on, does not surprise me that people stare.

And I have the same problem as Green, i walk very odd because of my height and lower back is kinda wacky that i look gay or something when i walk. It looks like I am walking feminine somehow but my posture and back is weak which is the reason, hard to explain. Me being tall hurts too because i stumble around usually instead of walking smoothly
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post #28 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-01-2019, 03:12 PM
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I notice people stare at me a lot, out of disgust I assume. I'm size 0 which sucks in the summer especially. In the winter I can at least wear a coat and blend in.

That's where the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can't fit the feelings in

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post #29 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 10:39 AM
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Went out to get a haircut today. I usually look down as I walk the street but I noticed people crane their heads as I walked past them (via my peripheral vision). Also as I was getting my haircut, I could see the woman waiting her turn (via the mirror) looking right at me the entire duration of the hair cut (which lasted about ten minutes. So think... ten minutes of someone blatantly looking right at you without looking away. Like they've never seen another human being before). I'll never understand why people do this to me.
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post #30 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 12:30 PM
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Went out to get a haircut today. I usually look down as I walk the street but I noticed people crane their heads as I walked past them (via my peripheral vision). Also as I was getting my haircut, I could see the woman waiting her turn (via the mirror) looking right at me the entire duration of the hair cut (which lasted about ten minutes. So think... ten minutes of someone blatantly looking right at you without looking away. Like they've never seen another human being before). I'll never understand why people do this to me.
Some people are just a-holes. That's a fact of life.

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post #31 of 31 (permalink) Old 07-04-2019, 01:45 PM
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I understand that for sure. I'm age 63 and have dealt with it my whole life. I sure would like to connect with some of you who go thru this. I so depressed lately, i've had zero sleep in weeks..well, 15min. occasionally...doesn't matter. I think people look at me because they see immaturity in my FACE, and body language of course, but i try real hard to keep it all minimal. Also, of course every situation is difference to the extent of this. Being in a situation where everyone is kind of mingling and you are NOT..............that's not good. I do project my irriation by it and it becomes THEM against me.

I've gone thru that million times over....anyone else relate?
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