People stare at me - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 05-30-2019, 02:53 PM Thread Starter
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People stare at me


People look at me weird. I feel like an alien. I cant leave home and go anywhere easily. Im being watched in public
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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 05-30-2019, 11:36 PM
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What's your mode of dress?
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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 05-31-2019, 04:45 AM Thread Starter
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What's your mode of dress?
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Like everybody else. Not unusual

They focus on my eyes
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 05-31-2019, 05:12 AM
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I deal with this as well.

It's either all in your head (like are you "guessing" that they're staring at you? Do you just "feel" that they're staring? Or is it so blatant that there's no question about it?)

If it's real, then there must be something different about your appearance, or it's the vibe you give off.
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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 05-31-2019, 05:26 AM
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90% confirmation bias chance. Everyone with SA thinks this, pretty much. (not being insulting or anything, but if you hang out on here for long enough basically everyone with SA thinks people stare at them, its almost a prerequisite for having SA it's so common).

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 05-31-2019, 05:42 AM
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it happens to me sometimes if i am standing in a line or sitting on the bus. Even if they glance at me it weirds me out if they are in such close proximity. Whenever I'm in a crowd of strangers, i usually just choose something to focus on or look downwards. I never understood (maybe cuz I have SA and am too scared to be that hyper-aware) why someone standing/sitting 2 feet from me would look at me sideways. Kind of weirds me out.
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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 05-31-2019, 07:14 AM
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So is it that people actually stare at US, or do people stare in general, or are we completely deluded? Personally I think that humans can be very strange (oh wait... humans ARE strange).
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 05-31-2019, 07:34 AM
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I believe it. People stare at me too, even make rude comments regularly.

It's probably because of the way you carry yourself. Looking weak and unsure of yourself activates people bullying instincts.
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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 05-31-2019, 07:42 AM
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You do the exact same thing.


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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 05-31-2019, 07:58 AM
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I believe it. People stare at me too, even make rude comments regularly.

It's probably because of the way you carry yourself. Looking weak and unsure of yourself activates people bullying instincts.
maybe it’s in your head.. if not confront those *******s in public
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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-01-2019, 11:57 AM
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People look at me weird. I feel like an alien. I cant leave home and go anywhere easily. Im being watched in public

Same here. Anxiety has a way of showing in body language, so that might be the reason why people stare. I guess one way of dealing with the problem is to become okay with the fact that people are watching. Every person in public will be looked at at some point or the other by someone else.
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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-01-2019, 03:21 PM
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So is it that people actually stare at US, or do people stare in general, or are we completely deluded? Personally I think that humans can be very strange (oh wait... humans ARE strange).
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It's not necessarily either imo. People can look a lot at people, for all kinds of reasons, this is true, for sure. But they do this to *everyone*. People with SA absolutely have bad confirmation bias and remember the negative times and then this flavours the memory of it all. I will remember the times people stare at me and assume it's because (insert a negative reason), but sometimes, it can literally be the opposite (they find me attractive). I get it a lot because I am physically intimidating too, it's just how it is. But I tend to put my own special SA spin on things "they hate me, they think I am ugly, blah".

A very very significant % of it is confirmation bias and because we are looking out for it, see below...

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You do the exact same thing.
Often forgotten in these threads, to know someone is looking at you, you kinda have to be looking at them

I just imagine people bothered by this stuff going around looking for people to see if they are looking at them, and them actually staring annoyed with people, so they stare back "see, everyone looks at me funny, they all hate me".

SA.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-01-2019, 03:37 PM
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yeah classic SAD

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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-02-2019, 06:11 AM
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Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
It's not necessarily either imo. People can look a lot at people, for all kinds of reasons, this is true, for sure. But they do this to *everyone*. People with SA absolutely have bad confirmation bias and remember the negative times and then this flavours the memory of it all. I will remember the times people stare at me and assume it's because (insert a negative reason), but sometimes, it can literally be the opposite (they find me attractive). I get it a lot because I am physically intimidating too, it's just how it is. But I tend to put my own special SA spin on things "they hate me, they think I am ugly, blah".

A very very significant % of it is confirmation bias and because we are looking out for it, see below...



Often forgotten in these threads, to know someone is looking at you, you kinda have to be looking at them

I just imagine people bothered by this stuff going around looking for people to see if they are looking at them, and them actually staring annoyed with people, so they stare back "see, everyone looks at me funny, they all hate me".

SA.
great points.

for sure tho, i look at people all the time because i'm really curious - mainly i look for attractive people to feel bad about myself, and to get inspiration for my outfits, but yeah it's definitely partly because i want to see if someone is looking at me lol, which in turn is partly because i want to see what kind of people find me attractive (inconclusive so far, but alt girls tend to look at me more often than others). sometimes i try to make myself pretty like touching my hair, because maybe people like half-bald males doing that lmao
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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-02-2019, 06:30 AM
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The thing is that when you feel very awkward and anxious, it can make people stare at you for that reason. Most people go about their life not caring if other people are looking at them or maybe just not caring enough so when someone cares enough it can make you stand out and people will take notice. It's like when someone walks around angry or excited, like when the energy shifts in the room when someone walks in etc.
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post #16 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-02-2019, 07:27 AM
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So is it that people actually stare at US, or do people stare in general, or are we completely deluded? Personally I think that humans can be very strange (oh wait... humans ARE strange).
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It can be both, if you dress weirdly though they probably are looking but the idea is to not care.


I believe that AvPD and social anxiety are connected to the schizophrenia spectrum though which basically means that you hyper analyse everything, project your emotions on to others, internalise their emotions, assume there's connections where there aren't, just a **** sense of boundaries in general. (hyper and hypo mentalizing in different contexts, and theory of mind abnormalities compared to the average person.) It's just the mild end of the spectrum imo.

Someone whose schizotypal might listen to the radio and think the stuff being said on it is a message for them, someone with social anxiety will hear people laughing in public and think it's connected to them. Very similar.

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post #17 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-02-2019, 08:22 AM
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It can be both, if you dress weirdly though they probably are looking but the idea is to not care.


I believe that AvPD and social anxiety are connected to the schizophrenia spectrum though which basically means that you hyper analyse everything, project your emotions on to others, internalise their emotions, assume there's connections where there aren't, just a **** sense of boundaries in general. (hyper and hypo mentalizing in different contexts, and theory of mind abnormalities compared to the average person.) It's just the mild end of the spectrum imo.

Someone whose schizotypal might listen to the radio and think the stuff being said on it is a message for them, someone with social anxiety will hear people laughing in public and think it's connected to them. Very similar.
i like this theory. both have self-referential qualities, but are these qualities really of the same matter, such as it were?
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post #18 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-02-2019, 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
I believe that AvPD and social anxiety are connected to the schizophrenia spectrum though which basically means that you hyper analyse everything, project your emotions on to others, internalise their emotions, assume there's connections where there aren't, just a **** sense of boundaries in general. (hyper and hypo mentalizing in different contexts, and theory of mind abnormalities compared to the average person.) It's just the mild end of the spectrum imo.
Suspect this might be true. I was literally talking to H about this the other day, she called it the "brown boots effect" after I noticed one time her looking for a microsecond at my boots. "You don't like my boots" I said a bit later on. She said "yeh I do", and I pointed out I noticed her very slight shift in body language. She actually at that time remembered thinking "those are almost the same as his black ones, its strange how he has two pairs almost the same". Point is:

1. I noticed this minutia, literally, how the **** do you even notice someone doing that?
2. I attributed it to dislike in some way (confirmation bias).

It's absolutely insane the amount of stuff I notice, and then mistakenly attribute to weird stuff about me. Walking about, interacting with people, with this kind of mindset, where you have no way of finding out what people are actually thinking and correcting those distortions, its going to absolutely run wild, imo.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #19 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-02-2019, 08:37 AM
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i like this theory. both have self-referential qualities, but are these qualities really of the same matter, such as it were?
So I find it difficult to articulate and consolidate everything that led me to believe that but essentially social anxiety is a symptom, but ime most people with it have a cluster of other traits that seem like mild schizophrenia. They also often have traits linked to the autism spectrum and these often overlap and are in themselves related, also sensory impairments/abnormalities seem heavily involved in many of these conditions, along with theory of mind.

Here are some related papers:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/scienc...05789414000331

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1904485/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2888850/

https://www.nature.com/articles/tp201769

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2174907/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/scienc...7892931500016X

https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/ful...rj.2017.120904

Quote:
Both ASD and schizophrenia share multiple phenotypic similarities and risk factors; they have been reported to occur together at elevated rates (6). There exists literature on sensory processing deficits in both spectrums of disorders, and there are overlapping mechanisms implicated in the two. Recent research also describes shared genes, which are both downregulated in patients with autism and schizophrenia (4), further reinforcing a link between the disorders.
(being kind of lazy which is why I've just spammed you with links.)

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post #20 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-02-2019, 08:41 AM
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My mother used to stare at me when I was a kid, even when I asked her to stop. Other people have, too.

I think it's a way that a-holes can hurt someone who is different. Maybe it empowers a-holes or they just get off on trying to make someone feel bad.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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