People seem to not Like me at all - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-24-2019, 07:45 PM Thread Starter
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Okay, I believe you but would you threaten to chop somebody up to intimidate them? Most sane people wouldn't which is why you should take it serious.
Well I do take it serious but you have to understand, i was threatened so many times and almost killed and died so many times, it is like whatever, like commonplace. I am just trying to diffuse the situation by not reporting anyone or dealing with law enforcement. Like I said, law enforcement is dealing with so much BS especially in big cities like NYC, i wouldn't even want to bother them anyway with possible threats. I also don't want to be on anyone's radar including law enforcement, I basically want to just be invisible in everyone's eyes you know
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post #22 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-24-2019, 07:59 PM Thread Starter
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This is one example of how nothing external to the mind can bring a person true peace and happiness, no matter what the external things are, or how much of them a person has. External things includes people too. And true peace and happiness is what everyone ultimately wants and what people spend all their energy and time trying to get.
Ok but you have to understand, i lived most of my life not being accepted so I live in 1 extreme, so it would be nice to live a small fraction of my life being Mr. Popular. In many ways i don't care about being accepted and live by the motto of being the anti-social creature or whatever. I generally despise popular people but I just like the idea of having a small taste of what that would feel like once in a while.

Well i am at the point where if someone comes up to me and strikes up a conversation, I can't pick up cues and panic and just say generic things. I can't really bring myself to start my own conversations with people. With popularity, i know there are price tags or a cost to being that way, always needing to hold up the party or carry conversations, but like i said, while that is not my ultimate goal, because i was so deprived of that, it makes you wonder, "wow, i would love to feel like the center of attention once in a while"

I know what you mean, to just "be" and not worry or overthink things. Like don't get too high or too low, my moods are wildly and drastically different from one day to the next or one minute to the next. People respond better to someone who is more even keel and I have such drastic mood swings that who knows what trigger them.

I don't know that I suffer more than the average person but i am probably way more negative than the average person in my outlook. I just think when something goes wrong it is enough to send me off the deep end, where the average person would just deal with it and move on. Even small things set me back and weigh me down and block me from moving forward
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post #23 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-27-2019, 05:34 AM Thread Starter
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Nice? How do you know? This is the "grass is greener on the other side" thinking. You have no idea what being popular or liked is (even though these things are always in the mind of the person, they are perceptional, so they are not something that anyone can point to as a fact or real or true thing.

You can't miss what you've never had.

It seems to me that you are engaging in all kinds of ways to find "reasons" why you can't change, instead of finding reasons that you can. You are the sole cause of why you suffer and until you understand that, your suffering and all that goes with it, will continue.

You use your imagination to prove to yourself that "if I do this, then this will happen", or you spend your time over analyzing and imagining all kinds of things/circumstances/outcomes which do not exist. Instead, you could examine your thoughts and see that none of them are actually true or valid. < This I can guarantee.

If you want to stop living how you are, you have to choose to stop. And like I said before, its best to make changes one step at a time.
Thanks for trying to help but first of all, I WAS Mr. Popular in different moments in time, and did date perfect 10's and have friends who were the life of the party, so you can't tell me, "I can't miss what i never had" because i did in fact have it. Those people for a multitude of reasons are no longer in my life, circumstances, they ditched me, wives or money or jobs or whatever being a factor. I didn't say my goal in life was to be Mr. Popular but like i said I have been in isolation for a long time so it is hard not to fantasize about wanting to be on top again, even if that means even being a blip on the map of a social scene, or whatever.

Well my business is better now than it ever was, and i have nothing to show for it, no women or friends in a long time. So I made a conscious decision to improve myself and it has made zero difference in my life other than financial. When I had no money and prospects at all, i actually did better socially, which is ridiculous to say but true.

I am doing everything i want to do in life except have no social life, i go to pro sports games and movies or concerts or events alone almost every single day, so it isn't like I am wallowing in self-pity, I am never home and if i am home i am working up to 70 hour weeks on my business. It is not like I am trying to feel like a victim or stagnated. It is a double-edged sword, I go to every event or whatever i want but I have no social life, some people would kill for my life because even people who have social lives can't go to endless pro sports games and movies and concerts and sit in the best seats.

Please don't tell me none of my thoughts are valid, it is condescending. My thoughts are 100% valid, without me having all the answers. The worst criminals and lunatics and low-lives all want to be liked or loved, so I am not going to sit here alone every day and tell myself, I create all my problems. And like I said, i had a taste of dating the best looking women and having friends who were the most popular people in their circle, so please don't tell me i don't have a basis for feeling the way i do

I am not trying to mold myself to be what the general population want, i never really did, but the bottom line is that I am "weird" or out of the norm in many ways. People have said it to my face and about me multiple times. If anything i am the antithesis of someone who tries to conform to anything, which actually may be my downfall. i don't dress appropriately, I don't talk to people with respect, or address people correctly so they would feel important. At the same time, I still rub people the wrong way and uniquely make people uncomfortable which is a real problem i am dealing with

I feel like you are making a lot of generalizations and telling me my thoughts are imagined. I am not suffering more than the average person. I am constantly out at events or working so I don't have a ton of time to think and worry. My problems or suffering are due to a lack of social life, and I know from experience what it was like to have a social life, so I am speaking from experience
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post #24 of 41 (permalink) Old 11-27-2019, 12:03 PM
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Yeah, local polic wouldn't do much if you reported it. You would have to call the fbi or go to the fbi website. I hear you, I suppose it's easier to do nothing.

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Okay, I believe you but would you threaten to chop somebody up to intimidate them? Most sane people wouldn't which is why you should take it serious.
Well I do take it serious but you have to understand, i was threatened so many times and almost killed and died so many times, it is like whatever, like commonplace. I am just trying to diffuse the situation by not reporting anyone or dealing with law enforcement. Like I said, law enforcement is dealing with so much BS especially in big cities like NYC, i wouldn't even want to bother them anyway with possible threats. I also don't want to be on anyone's radar including law enforcement, I basically want to just be invisible in everyone's eyes you know
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post #25 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-18-2019, 09:17 AM Thread Starter
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Yeah, local polic wouldn't do much if you reported it. You would have to call the fbi or go to the fbi website. I hear you, I suppose it's easier to do nothing.
Anyway thanks for the posts, like i said, there is so much insanity going on in the world and suffering violence, starvation, poverty, I honestly don't think reporting cases where you are threatened online are worth reporting. Even if an army was waiting outside my house to take me down, I don't report things like that, I would find my own way of protecting myself and I am streetsmart. Also, I am not afraid of physical violence or death, so i kinda don't care much, I have lived enough and been around enough that it is like if i go, I go, or if i am hurt or whatever, so be it, you can't live your life scared of things like that, if something is meant to happen it is, a lot of it is up to a higher power, or luck or whatever you want to call it
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post #26 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-18-2019, 11:32 AM
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Thanks for trying to help but first of all, I WAS Mr. Popular in different moments in time, and did date perfect 10's and have friends who were the life of the party, so you can't tell me, "I can't miss what i never had" because i did in fact have it. Those people for a multitude of reasons are no longer in my life, circumstances, they ditched me, wives or money or jobs or whatever being a factor. I didn't say my goal in life was to be Mr. Popular but like i said I have been in isolation for a long time so it is hard not to fantasize about wanting to be on top again, even if that means even being a blip on the map of a social scene, or whatever.

Well my business is better now than it ever was, and i have nothing to show for it, no women or friends in a long time. So I made a conscious decision to improve myself and it has made zero difference in my life other than financial. When I had no money and prospects at all, i actually did better socially, which is ridiculous to say but true.

I am doing everything i want to do in life except have no social life, i go to pro sports games and movies or concerts or events alone almost every single day, so it isn't like I am wallowing in self-pity, I am never home and if i am home i am working up to 70 hour weeks on my business. It is not like I am trying to feel like a victim or stagnated. It is a double-edged sword, I go to every event or whatever i want but I have no social life, some people would kill for my life because even people who have social lives can't go to endless pro sports games and movies and concerts and sit in the best seats.

Please don't tell me none of my thoughts are valid, it is condescending. My thoughts are 100% valid, without me having all the answers. The worst criminals and lunatics and low-lives all want to be liked or loved, so I am not going to sit here alone every day and tell myself, I create all my problems. And like I said, i had a taste of dating the best looking women and having friends who were the most popular people in their circle, so please don't tell me i don't have a basis for feeling the way i do

I am not trying to mold myself to be what the general population want, i never really did, but the bottom line is that I am "weird" or out of the norm in many ways. People have said it to my face and about me multiple times. If anything i am the antithesis of someone who tries to conform to anything, which actually may be my downfall. i don't dress appropriately, I don't talk to people with respect, or address people correctly so they would feel important. At the same time, I still rub people the wrong way and uniquely make people uncomfortable which is a real problem i am dealing with

I feel like you are making a lot of generalizations and telling me my thoughts are imagined. I am not suffering more than the average person. I am constantly out at events or working so I don't have a ton of time to think and worry. My problems or suffering are due to a lack of social life, and I know from experience what it was like to have a social life, so I am speaking from experience
They're not imagined.
I have similar issues.
The big question is how much of all of this is attributed to the isolation itself?


The more we isolate, the more we drift into our own thinking....and that thinking becomes faulty, whether we like to admit it or not, becoming more focused on self will cause problems. It starts the way we think, and then goes to the way we carry ourselves nonverbally....

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post #27 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-18-2019, 12:05 PM
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I can't respond you with some ''wisdom'' about it like other people do cause it's the same with me. Even when someone doesn't say something to me directly which is the case most of the time I can still see and feel that. It's pointless to talk about distortions that SA or something else gives me because despite that being the case it's also actually true.

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post #28 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 12:32 AM Thread Starter
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They're not imagined.
I have similar issues.
The big question is how much of all of this is attributed to the isolation itself?

The more we isolate, the more we drift into our own thinking....and that thinking becomes faulty, whether we like to admit it or not, becoming more focused on self will cause problems. It starts the way we think, and then goes to the way we carry ourselves nonverbally....
Yea, I totally agree and it is like a snowball effect, how much of my downward spiral is due to my own thinking and negative outlook, and how much is reality? And it is like a catch 22, because I confirm to myself "I am screwed up" I carry myself differently and people believe I am screwed up because of weird mannerisms. The bottom line is one person rarely makes that much difference in the world, so my life is not really of much importance one way or the other, so people hating me or being weirded out by me itself should not even be an issue.
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post #29 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 12:36 AM Thread Starter
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I can't respond you with some ''wisdom'' about it like other people do cause it's the same with me. Even when someone doesn't say something to me directly which is the case most of the time I can still see and feel that. It's pointless to talk about distortions that SA or something else gives me because despite that being the case it's also actually true.
Yea, with all respect to other posters, i would prefer that people respond to my X issue and Y problem as opposed to making a general statement about everything being imagined. In a way, why I am an outcast and disrespected does not matter, I am, and I can't get out of the hole i dug for myself. If it is imagined, which part of it is, or if i have clear evidence about people being put off by me, I still am in a bad situation either way, yea I am pretty good at reading people and most or the great majority of people seem upset and turned off by just my presence wherever the hell i am in public
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post #30 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 09:55 AM
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Yea, I totally agree and it is like a snowball effect, how much of my downward spiral is due to my own thinking and negative outlook, and how much is reality? And it is like a catch 22, because I confirm to myself "I am screwed up" I carry myself differently and people believe I am screwed up because of weird mannerisms. The bottom line is one person rarely makes that much difference in the world, so my life is not really of much importance one way or the other, so people hating me or being weirded out by me itself should not even be an issue.
One person makes more difference than you think. Part of the isolation would be negative thinking and feelings of insignificance. When you are around other people, you begin to see that you might be more significant than you think, too.

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post #31 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-08-2020, 04:32 PM
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I feel like being able to take criticism is a good way of desensitizing to social anxiety. It could help you get out of your head and look into what people around you are thinking and feeling. Sometimes human connection doesn't involve a contest over who is more successful and well-loved. Getting death threats, on the other hand, is very serious and should be handled appropriately. You are just as valued and your well-being is just as important as everyone else's...

Having SA feels like being a scratched up LP that keeps getting stuck at exactly 10 seconds into Track 02.
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post #32 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-09-2020, 06:31 AM
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Yep. I've experienced not being liked in every setting.

Not that people have to like me. I know a lot of people don't like me.

But when it's at work and they are dismissive then it gets frustrating and demeaning.

Even though I know that if someone doesn't like you and they make it obvious and disrespects you then it's their issue. But it is still disheartening.
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post #33 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-10-2020, 11:49 PM Thread Starter
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One person makes more difference than you think. Part of the isolation would be negative thinking and feelings of insignificance. When you are around other people, you begin to see that you might be more significant than you think, too.

True, thanks, I agree but even when i did have friends or dated women which was rarely compared to the average male, I still felt basically nothing and was cut off emotionally. Anyway, my point is, despite me wanting to meet someone on some level, when i did have someone there, I still felt alone and cut off emotionally from people and the world. I really was like in my own little bubble. But I do see the significance of having a social life anyway.
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post #34 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-10-2020, 11:55 PM Thread Starter
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I feel like being able to take criticism is a good way of desensitizing to social anxiety. It could help you get out of your head and look into what people around you are thinking and feeling. Sometimes human connection doesn't involve a contest over who is more successful and well-loved. Getting death threats, on the other hand, is very serious and should be handled appropriately. You are just as valued and your well-being is just as important as everyone else's...
Yea I mean nothing is really a contest because everyone experiences pain heartache, sadness, whatever. If you are sleeping with any women you want or have money and cars and boats, everyone has to judge themselves at the end of the day.

About death threats, yes, i was picked on as a kid, but i also would fight back and press people's buttons when I thought it was justified. I probably had my first death threats at age 12 or 13 when i was in junior high school. It was scary then but I had so many death threats since then that i honestly don't even care anymore. Compared to the horrors going on in the world, middle east fighting with Israel, fires in Australia have killed estimated half a billion animals due to arson, poverty, homelessness, drug addiction, jails packed with nonviolent criminals, hunger, etc, who even cares if i was threatened, including myself. I actually do not fear death. In a logical way, I don't want to bother police or involve anyone else, even if i did care, they have more important things to do with their time. And like i said, i honestly don't even care, it's not a big deal
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post #35 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-10-2020, 11:57 PM Thread Starter
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Yep. I've experienced not being liked in every setting.

Not that people have to like me. I know a lot of people don't like me.

But when it's at work and they are dismissive then it gets frustrating and demeaning.

Even though I know that if someone doesn't like you and they make it obvious and disrespects you then it's their issue. But it is still disheartening.
Well the hardest thing for me overall is knowing that I do have a personality and sense of humor and almost no one ever will see that side of me, just knowing
I have the potential to be liked and accepted but still being invisible
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post #36 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-11-2020, 03:49 AM
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Same problem. But I think it's a paranoia in many cases, attributed to how my mom is growing up, always with unstable mood swings and being randomly triggered to get upset and mad at us. So this conditioned me to always look for cues that others dislike me, while ignoring signs that they do like me. Still, I try to always assume by default I really am not liked to assume the worst case possible just in case. At least over the years, I think this habit of mine has gotten better.

But one thing is for sure, my assistant HR manager definitely dislikes me, for some unexplained reason. That is obvious.

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post #37 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-12-2020, 09:51 PM
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Yea I mean nothing is really a contest because everyone experiences pain heartache, sadness, whatever. If you are sleeping with any women you want or have money and cars and boats, everyone has to judge themselves at the end of the day.

About death threats, yes, i was picked on as a kid, but i also would fight back and press people's buttons when I thought it was justified. I probably had my first death threats at age 12 or 13 when i was in junior high school. It was scary then but I had so many death threats since then that i honestly don't even care anymore. Compared to the horrors going on in the world, middle east fighting with Israel, fires in Australia have killed estimated half a billion animals due to arson, poverty, homelessness, drug addiction, jails packed with nonviolent criminals, hunger, etc, who even cares if i was threatened, including myself. I actually do not fear death. In a logical way, I don't want to bother police or involve anyone else, even if i did care, they have more important things to do with their time. And like i said, i honestly don't even care, it's not a big deal
You are important, if somebody is threatening you you need to tell somebody about it. I've said this before but SA'ers have it bad when it comes to predators because we're already singled out. If you've ever read the tactics of psychopaths that's one of their steps. Just remember you are just as important as anybody else!

Having SA feels like being a scratched up LP that keeps getting stuck at exactly 10 seconds into Track 02.
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post #38 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-12-2020, 10:01 PM
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You are important, if somebody is threatening you you need to tell somebody about it. I've said this before but SA'ers have it bad when it comes to predators because we're already singled out. If you've ever read the tactics of psychopaths that's one of their steps. Just remember you are just as important as anybody else!
agreed!
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post #39 of 41 (permalink) Old 01-13-2020, 09:45 AM
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True, thanks, I agree but even when i did have friends or dated women which was rarely compared to the average male, I still felt basically nothing and was cut off emotionally. Anyway, my point is, despite me wanting to meet someone on some level, when i did have someone there, I still felt alone and cut off emotionally from people and the world. I really was like in my own little bubble. But I do see the significance of having a social life anyway.
It takes time to get used to. It's like training to run a marathon. You can't just go out and run 26 miles on your first try. It takes dedication, stamina, and....get ready for it.....patience!

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post #40 of 41 (permalink) Old Today, 05:02 PM Thread Starter
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You are important, if somebody is threatening you you need to tell somebody about it. I've said this before but SA'ers have it bad when it comes to predators because we're already singled out. If you've ever read the tactics of psychopaths that's one of their steps. Just remember you are just as important as anybody else!
Thanks for the support, I am not saying I am not important exactly, just if you look at the big picture, one individual is a small blip compared to the rest of the universe.

About someone threatening me, I am not saying I am innocent and did not instigate anything, I felt that person was a complete moron based on his posts and I let him know it in certain ways. I felt i was justified in how i responded to that person, but I am not saying I am not a wiseas* about how i handle situations.

Again, i was threatened by a lot of people over the years, not very often but from time to time, and i don't want to be on anyone's radar, law enforcement or police or criminals like the person that threatened me, I basically want to be invisible to everyone, like literally everyone. At the same time, police and law enforcement have a lot worse to deal with than a threat by someone on a social anxiety site. I did not lose any sleep over it and have moved on. It is what it is. If this was the first time i was threatened online or in real life, i am sure i would have reacted more strongly but you know
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