People seem like automatons these days - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 07:50 AM Thread Starter
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People seem like automatons these days


Whenever I do actually take the effort to socialize, or even when i worked in customer service full-time, i realized that the average person is truly on a lower level of consciousness and lacks critical thought. They don't actually listen to me and it seems like they are deaf or missing something. They listen to you to reply, not to actually think. Perhaps they reflect later on..

Like they spit out the first thing that is on their mind most of the time without really analyzing what I said since it doesn't suit their ego or w.e or they're just lazy. My out-of-school counsellor/ therapist at one point even said "why do you take so long to answer questions?" like it was a bad thing... They respond out of emotion like a squirrel would react to seeing a peanut on the ground and proceed to resort to straw-man arguments
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post #2 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 07:54 AM
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That is because basically everyone is a narcissist now.
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post #3 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 07:57 AM Thread Starter
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That is because basically everyone is a narcissist now.
I actually quit retail because i was seriously depressed about how the general public could be so, ya know (even my coworkers) . Yes so true and all the gossiping made me sick to my stomach. You'd think that after being treated like scum all day by customers there would be some camaraderie behind the scenes. I remember 2 girls (coworkers) making fun of my friend's boyfriend looks behind her back and I felt sick being in their presence as they tried to include me in it. All i said was "well his hair is pretty rad" and they started laughing like they thought i was joking.

edit: im sure they were also talking behind my back, in particular this one girl who couldn't keep her mouth shut if she tried. Said i was quiet/boring and creepy or something like that according to my friend. Then i had the joy of working with this high-schooler who would blast rap and act all "alpha" and thought he was above me since he had been there longer. Giving me orders like "mop harder" and petty stuff like that lmao.
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post #4 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 09:11 PM
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My responses are way too thought out and deep for the average person. I don't think i am that smart but I can't relate to people at all, which I guess is my own problem. I don't even have a college degree but i tend to answer in the most complicated way.I think most people will respond with quick one-liner type humor which goes over well with most of the population. Like people are ready with the next witty response that might require one brain cell. There is just so much going on in the world and a lot to talk about, I just think even any conversation more involved falls on deaf ears. The way Jimmy Fallon or a late night talk show host respond to whatever topic is EXACTLY what will gain you friends. All you need is 10 words or less. My problem is I like to think too creatively and get into more involved discussions which no one wants.
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post #5 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 11:00 PM
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Some of them are just thinking a different way: you think inside your head, they think outside their heads. Your way is not objectively better, just different. Their method works better with the right interlocutors because they're combining the thoughts of the group. While you try to work everything out on your own before expressing anything, they voice the full process and get real time feedback because they're not afraid of revealing unfinished work.
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post #6 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 11:14 PM
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Some of them are just thinking a different way: you think inside your head, they think outside their heads. Your way is not objectively better, just different. Their method works better with the right interlocutors because they're combining the thoughts of the group. While you try to work everything out on your own before expressing anything, they voice the full process and get real time feedback because they're not afraid of revealing unfinished work.
You make a very good point. It does seem that the average person interacts more in real time.
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post #7 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-14-2019, 11:17 PM
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post #8 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 12:28 AM
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I'm not sure they all are. I just think there's a custom of reserve and politeness for relationships in which an initial intimacy has yet to be established.
People are often very defensive about their own opinions, and are not always willing to unleash them in the presence of people who they do not yet trust not judge them negatively if they do not accord with their own. I know a lot of people (including myself) who can come across a little automatic or thoughtless, until you get them in a more comfortable environment free from judgement and then lo and behold they do have or5iginal thoughts afterall.

I think this is especially true of social phobics. I won a scholarship for post grad study but usually when i talk to someone i come across like an absolute retard. My head is so full of anxious thoughts and concerns there is simply no space in there for intelligent thought to occur
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post #9 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 04:35 AM
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post #10 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 04:42 AM Thread Starter
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Some of them are just thinking a different way: you think inside your head, they think outside their heads. Your way is not objectively better, just different. Their method works better with the right interlocutors because they're combining the thoughts of the group. While you try to work everything out on your own before expressing anything, they voice the full process and get real time feedback because they're not afraid of revealing unfinished work.
Perhaps you are right, but i still feel ostracized. "Automatons" might be a harsh word, maybe... This bouncing ideas off each other idea is cool, whenever i have the "pleasure" of their company they usually won't even concern me or make eye contact... Perhaps tone is important to but i still feel like i lack charisma regardless. the loudest and most respected usually prevails. I talk, but I slip in light comments that are shallow and trite.

Example from Customer 1 : Do your plastic bag costs 5 cents?!?!?!... Me: Since April of last year... customer 2 : these people are lucky we come here this is crazy! customer 1: i know! always trying to gouge us. Me: So... would you like a bag? customers: well are you gonna charge me for it?? Me: Well now i am , (and how hard is it to carry around a 0.1 kg re-usable plastic bag with you that is durable and will last you years(inside my head) i turn passive-aggressive i guess which i need to work on..

I'm not saying everyone is like that komiki, i'm saying a good enough amount of people to leave an impression are.

Anyway this form of social quarrel is not for me. Turn everything into a one-up game
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post #11 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 04:51 AM
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Anyone is going to seem dull to someone who is inside their head 24/7. You have a perfectly fleshed out, intricate perception of yourself due to your internal focus. Everyone else is rendered in lower resolution (from your own perspective).

Also, it's easy to critique the things you don't feel part of. It's a natural compulsion to marginalize anything that threatens your self esteem.

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post #12 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 05:13 AM
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post #13 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 05:18 AM Thread Starter
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Anyone is going to seem dull to someone who is inside their head 24/7. You have a perfectly fleshed out, intricate perception of yourself due to your internal focus. Everyone else is rendered in lower resolution (from your own perspective).

Also, it's easy to critique the things you don't feel part of. It's a natural compulsion to marginalize anything that threatens your self esteem.
Since quitting marijuana i feel less like this but ya, feeling like you don't have a voice can make some1 defensive i guess. I can turn that anger into humor and just laugh at every absurd interaction or person or political move, whatever.
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post #14 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 09:30 AM
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Came in to post this.

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Anyone is going to seem dull to someone who is inside their head 24/7. You have a perfectly fleshed out, intricate perception of yourself due to your internal focus. Everyone else is rendered in lower resolution (from your own perspective).

Also, it's easy to critique the things you don't feel part of. It's a natural compulsion to marginalize anything that threatens your self esteem.
Very good point.

Based on how I used to think (I thought along the same lines as the OP),something here about propping up ones sense of self esteem and performing avoidance by putting everyone else down. If you don't fit in, and struggle to interact, then cognitive dissonance (either you have the issue, or "everyone else" does) suggests you need to prop up the more agreeable idea (everyone else does). Because fitting in is difficult, doing conversations is difficult etc with SA, it's a much nicer perspective if everyone else are just "automatons" and lack ones own capabilities.

Of course, this is highly unlikely of the two opposing possibilities. People most likely have just as good critical thinking skills, and capacity for thought, they just are skilled at communication as well. It's a nice way to have to avoid having to interact though and justify avoidance.

I used to do this and its an example of just how devious avoidance can be.

I don't mean this critically OP btw, this is just literally how and why I used to think like this. It took about 6 months of therapy before I figured it out though and was willing to accept it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fox_and_the_Grapes
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post #15 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 01:30 PM Thread Starter
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Came in to post this.



Very good point.

Based on how I used to think (I thought along the same lines as the OP),something here about propping up ones sense of self esteem and performing avoidance by putting everyone else down. If you don't fit in, and struggle to interact, then cognitive dissonance (either you have the issue, or "everyone else" does) suggests you need to prop up the more agreeable idea (everyone else does). Because fitting in is difficult, doing conversations is difficult etc with SA, it's a much nicer perspective if everyone else are just "automatons" and lack ones own capabilities.

Of course, this is highly unlikely of the two opposing possibilities. People most likely have just as good critical thinking skills, and capacity for thought, they just are skilled at communication as well. It's a nice way to have to avoid having to interact though and justify avoidance.

I used to do this and its an example of just how devious avoidance can be.

I don't mean this critically OP btw, this is just literally how and why I used to think like this. It took about 6 months of therapy before I figured it out though and was willing to accept it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fox_and_the_Grapes
Ya it's hard to fit in these days. I still think many people just spew out whatever comes to mind and lack principles but hey that;s just my collective experience talking i guess. (not talking about you) Yes being quiet is the number 1 reason i'm an outcast most likely. But even when I try it's hard to connect with co-workers who listen to drake and post on instagram for a hobby. Maybe once i reach my 30s I'll have a clearer idea of who I can interact with more and trust.
I'm in the process of getting a sponsor for my alcoholism and drug addiction so hopefully that will snowball. I'd be happy with 1 friend honestly, the more people the less you can be yourself any way.
edit: maybe working in retail too long has made me bitter and im still recovering as i never thought too much about that before. Maybe if we weren't
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post #16 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 01:44 PM
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it seems the opposite to me. I am the automaton and everyone else is socially alive.

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post #17 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 01:45 PM
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post #18 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 05:41 PM
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Breaking down everything and analyzing everything where you are "inside your own head" or trying to change your way of interacting is too complicated a way of looking at the situation. Why even look that deeply into it? Most people are sheep and are shallow and boring and soul-less and have no original thoughts. Whether they trained themselves to be that way to be accepted or if they just genuinely are that way, who knows. If you want to connect with people, most people or 99.9% in my opinion are not even worth knowing to begin with.

It is true that in a more relaxed environment, people will finally open up a little and not be robots, but I mostly doubt that. I think in a more relaxed environment, eventually, people will open up with still extremely guarded opinions. I had a friend for 7 years or drinking buddy and learned absolutely nothing revealing in the entire 7 years and we went to about 500 pro sports games together and bars in penn station and talking on the phone about an hour a day. Ironically, he was in a fraternity at one point 20 years before i knew him, in college and had a million friends with absolutely nothing revealed about himself or his demons or anything close to personal.

People will either open up to you and reveal who they are, or they won't. You can't be like kinda pregnant is the analogy i will use. I don't need to have deep philosophical conversations with people, but most people want to talk about the weather and the same safe topics over and over and over. Of the women i dated and friends i had which i have now been alone 8 years, almost no one is genuine about even the slightest personal opinions. If they even open up about themselves using humor that would at least be something. People are so guarded it is ridiculous. If you want to give people credit by pretending that they were somewhat revealing, to sleep better at night, whatever you want to do.

My real point is that trying to morph into a social being or being confused why you can't interact the right way is pointless, because most people are not worth interacting with anyway to begin with, or will bore you to tears, or a combination
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post #19 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-15-2019, 06:08 PM
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Yeah kind of. We live in a world where people stare at their smartphone screens every 5 minutes to check social media updates. They're less connected to reality and they're in a trance.
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post #20 of 53 (permalink) Old 04-16-2019, 06:47 AM Thread Starter
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I think being stoic is hard but im getting better at it.

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