Parents who ridiculed your interests/hobbies. - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-07-2012, 04:27 PM Thread Starter
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Parents who ridiculed your interests/hobbies.


This might be another cause of my SA because I would almost never speak about my hobbies, especially when asked, I would toss in some filler sports I played once in a blue moon. Anyways, I've always LOVED cartoons and video games since I was really young. I felt somewhat out of place at school since all the guys loved ESPN, WWE and cars. Not a problem if my home was any different...

For the majority of my life, I've lived with split parents and most of the custody went to my mom. I think at some times she had a 6th sense that knew when I was enjoying either one of my games or cartoons, so that was her cue to come and guilt me into liking something else. Despite playing basketball for years, when I decided to give it a rest, she forced me into some other activity.

"You can choose baseball or ballet."

Not even joking. I basically wasn't allowed to enjoy life my way since it didn't meet her standards.

I also got into monter trading cards, which she effortlessly equated to being demonic. She didn't throw them away, but she never bothered to become more accepting by at least faking a conversation on them. I look at my best friend's mom and she's glad to talk and support all of her son's hobbies which are pretty close to mine. It makes me incredibly jealous.

Just this at-home disapproval of what I enjoyed must of played a part in why I'm afraid to discuss my interests since I fear I'll just face more ridicule and rejection. I'd even be nervous about joining a club for cartoons or video games because I just have this looming sense of dread about publicly enjoying what I had to indulge in alone with no support all my life. Basically, I would feel wrong about them, even though the social aspect of such clubs might have kept me from developing SA. I would probably think more about those who disapprove outside of the club (parents, peers) than the members who accepted me in the club.

Anybody else experience parents who shot down your hobbies and interests?
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-07-2012, 04:36 PM
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All the time. My mother disapproves of everything I believe in except God. XD
When I decided that I didn't care what people thought of me, my mom told me that I should care, that looks are everything, that people are always judging me. She convinced me that people are paying attention to even the smallest details about me, even my fingernails.
She convinced me that guys will only like me if I'm pretty.
She convinced me that I act odd, that I am strange, and that people will not like me if I'm strange.
She made me wear makeup, and now I can't go without makeup without feeling ugly. I used to love my face just the way it was without it. Now, I can't even look at myself in the mirror in the privacy of my own home without wearing makeup, unless I want to feel ugly.
She wouldn't let me collect Pokemon cards when I was little because she said that they were for boys.
She wouldn't let me learn to play guitar because she said that it was for boys.
She even made me stop horseback riding, because she wanted me to be into dance instead.
When I started watching anime, she said that it was demonic (don't ask why, because I don't know).
When I started reading comics, she said that it was for boys and she threw them away.
Parents are always going to be judgmental of their children, but I've learned not to care.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-07-2012, 04:47 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Insomniac View Post
All the time. My mother disapproves of everything I believe in except God. XD
When I decided that I didn't care what people thought of me, my mom told me that I should care, that looks are everything, that people are always judging me. She convinced me that people are paying attention to even the smallest details about me, even my fingernails.
She convinced me that guys will only like me if I'm pretty.
She convinced me that I act odd, that I am strange, and that people will not like me if I'm strange.
She made me wear makeup, and now I can't go without makeup without feeling ugly. I used to love my face just the way it was without it. Now, I can't even look at myself in the mirror in the privacy of my own home without wearing makeup, unless I want to feel ugly.
She wouldn't let me collect Pokemon cards when I was little because she said that they were for boys.
She wouldn't let me learn to play guitar because she said that it was for boys.
She even made me stop horseback riding, because she wanted me to be into dance instead.
When I started watching anime, she said that it was demonic (don't ask why, because I don't know).
When I started reading comics, she said that it was for boys and she threw them away.
Parents are always going to be judgmental of their children, but I've learned not to care.
I'm really sorry to hear that, LI. I guess since our parents brought us into this world, they expect to live our lives for us. And my mom wonders why I couldn't last more than two months away from home. Thanks for the codependency, "unconditional loving" mother...
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-07-2012, 06:52 PM
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I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with the things you should've been able to love doing the most.

My parents haven't actively ridiculed my interests and hobbies, fortunate to say. But neither have they been interested whatsoever. A long time back, before I got SSI payments, my dad one day wanted me to do something like clean something, I said I didn't have time because that was the time I usually wrote, and he said there were more important things than my writing, since my writing wasn't bringing in money.

My mother's and other relatives' interest in my writing has never gone beyond "What do you plan to DO with it? Are you going to try to get published?" ("Is anyone even reading it?" my mother asked when I mentioned I post it online. I took it as an insult, even though it's basically true. What she really meant was, I shouldn't post it online, I should get it published before somebody stole it. That didn't help me feel much better.) None of them ever want to read it. They just try to tell me to get published. Never stopping to think, maybe one big reason I don't even try is because nobody reads it, not even them! Even if I were published I know they would not read my work.

My mother once said one big reason she wouldn't read my stuff is because of all the weird fantasy names. None of them know about my adult writing and I hope they never do.

I'm really not into my parents' interests, e. g., my mother's beadwork, but I go out of my way to encourage her with it, whenever she shows it off to me I compliment how beautiful it is, and ask what she's working on, and offer suggestions for color choices, and encouragement when she feels down or frustrated about a piece, etc....you'd think I could get the same in return. Instead, I just feel terribly embarrassed and ashamed of showing off any of my stuff to any family, now, so even if they were to ask, I'd just brush it off, deflect the request and move on.

We recently stayed with my brother's family. His little girl is so outgoing. She'd put on shows for us, dance and sing, and show off her work, I was so envious because I used to be that little girl. For a brief time. Until my parents kept getting irritated whenever I'd try to share things with them ("Go read to the cat!" I'd be told; plus the main reason I started writing seriously was because my dad wanted me to stop bothering him!), and I just learned to keep it all to myself because nobody wants to see/hear/read it.

I hate to admit that a spiteful part of me was thinking, as I watched my niece perform, "Better enjoy it now, several years from now nobody'll care about what you do anymore." But I've seen how things go in this family; she will continue to be loved and appreciated, because she has actual talents that others can appreciate, whereas I was born with none. I'm the only one in the family like me.

So I know those feelings...yes. If our own parents can't appreciate what we do, how can we believe anyone else would?

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-07-2012, 07:29 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tehuti88 View Post
I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with the things you should've been able to love doing the most.

My parents haven't actively ridiculed my interests and hobbies, fortunate to say. But neither have they been interested whatsoever. A long time back, before I got SSI payments, my dad one day wanted me to do something like clean something, I said I didn't have time because that was the time I usually wrote, and he said there were more important things than my writing, since my writing wasn't bringing in money.

My mother's and other relatives' interest in my writing has never gone beyond "What do you plan to DO with it? Are you going to try to get published?" ("Is anyone even reading it?" my mother asked when I mentioned I post it online. I took it as an insult, even though it's basically true. What she really meant was, I shouldn't post it online, I should get it published before somebody stole it. That didn't help me feel much better.) None of them ever want to read it. They just try to tell me to get published. Never stopping to think, maybe one big reason I don't even try is because nobody reads it, not even them! Even if I were published I know they would not read my work.

My mother once said one big reason she wouldn't read my stuff is because of all the weird fantasy names. None of them know about my adult writing and I hope they never do.

I'm really not into my parents' interests, e. g., my mother's beadwork, but I go out of my way to encourage her with it, whenever she shows it off to me I compliment how beautiful it is, and ask what she's working on, and offer suggestions for color choices, and encouragement when she feels down or frustrated about a piece, etc....you'd think I could get the same in return. Instead, I just feel terribly embarrassed and ashamed of showing off any of my stuff to any family, now, so even if they were to ask, I'd just brush it off, deflect the request and move on.

We recently stayed with my brother's family. His little girl is so outgoing. She'd put on shows for us, dance and sing, and show off her work, I was so envious because I used to be that little girl. For a brief time. Until my parents kept getting irritated whenever I'd try to share things with them ("Go read to the cat!" I'd be told; plus the main reason I started writing seriously was because my dad wanted me to stop bothering him!), and I just learned to keep it all to myself because nobody wants to see/hear/read it.

I hate to admit that a spiteful part of me was thinking, as I watched my niece perform, "Better enjoy it now, several years from now nobody'll care about what you do anymore." But I've seen how things go in this family; she will continue to be loved and appreciated, because she has actual talents that others can appreciate, whereas I was born with none. I'm the only one in the family like me.

So I know those feelings...yes. If our own parents can't appreciate what we do, how can we believe anyone else would?
You must be some kind of psychic, as you read my mind just like the other girl from my text thread. Honestly, how can we think our interests are worth anybody's attention if our own family doesn't care? My dad never ridiculed my gaming and he at least shows some effort by joining in on Rock Band to sing, but my mom was so critical.

"When are you gonna grow up and watch something real?"

I honestly wish I said, "When are you gonna stop fiddling with your POS clay sculptures and get a real job instead of siphoning off of dad?"

I don't think she has any idea how screwed she is come Novemeber when my little bro moves out and she doesn't get any more child support.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-08-2012, 02:06 AM
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My parents haven't picked on me for my hobbies, but sometimes I can tell my Mum is embarrassed by some of them. I have tried to share them with her sometimes but she just makes excuses.
My aunt picked on me at a Christmas party over one of my hobbies and I am still not over it.

You deserve a medal or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-08-2012, 02:43 AM
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**** what your parents think. You don't need their approval. They want to live life by their values and interests. You have your own. Once your an adult they're not supposed to decide things for you.

Therapist: 'Charlie Work'? What's 'Charlie Work'? Fill me in.
Charlie: Oh, right. You don't know 'Charlie Work'. Well, 'Charlie Work' is like basement stuff, cleaning urinals, blood stuff, your basic slimes, your sludges, anything dead or decaying, I'm on it, I'm dealing with it.
Therapist: And you dislike it?
Charlie: Oh, no. I love it. I love the dark. I love slippery things. I love being naked... in the sewer. Bleach smells good, it tastes good...
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-08-2012, 11:55 PM
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My parents hate everything I did when I was younger, an they still disapprove of the things I want to do. Basically they want me to Work and Sleep.

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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-09-2012, 12:16 AM
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I didn't have any interests or hobbies as a kid. Though that seemed normal as my parents had no interests nor hobbies. My father worked full-time as a draftsman for the same company from age 17 till 62 when they kicked his butt out the door with early retirement. For the final 40 years of his life he also worked part time in real estate sales (can't imagine how he managed to deal with customers given his total lack of interest in people).

He demonstrated that hobbies were something one didn't need. They worked all day & then repeated that till dead. He did have to take 2 weeks off for hospice care at the end. Death can really screw with your schedule.
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