Outbursts - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-01-2020, 07:50 PM Thread Starter
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Outbursts


How often would you have an outburst?

Anger and resentment build up and I don't have an outlet. I internalise my emotions. Then something will trigger me and I would throw objects or slam the door.

I would say I have an outburst every few months.
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 11:10 AM
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I have bipolar disorder. When I don't take meds, miss a med or even take the wrong set of meds, I get really angry. I have tried most everything in regards to medications that would treat bipolar disorder and only few work.
I can get so angry that I start shaking, I've thrown things and broke things in the past and I've said things I regret saying. It's like you want the person that your arguing with to get a taste of their own medicine, but what your really doing is hurting yourself and putting yourself through all of that stuff, when the other person, really doesn't care. It's like this quote I found:
"Resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die."

This is just one of the versions, but it is completely true! It doesn't affect that person at all.



I understand exactly what your saying with the built up anger and restentment. I get that too.

The thing is, I don't have an outlet either and often, I feel that I want to wreak havoc or punch something, but all I can really do is run or put my mind on something else. It actually works for me.
Find a hobby, like writing or art. I love both of them and they make me feel better.

H.P.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 11:28 AM
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Oh, yes!
Embarrassing and thinking about them now makes me cringe!

All through my teen years I would have them quite often actually! Usually some minor crap or comment would trigger them and make me loose it!

Yelling quite nasty things at mum, slamming doors, throwing my stuff around and just about managing not to hurt myself really badly!
But only in the safe environment of my home! Never anywhere else!

It was during a period were I became more and more overwhelmed with having to deal with increasing socialising and having to leave my comfort zone for school and in private life.
Like going on school trips, excursions, doing group work and presentations. Getting invited for occasions.

And becoming aware of the other kids really moving forward and away from me now and me staying behind!
Seeing how mum didn't know how to help me and how my issues gave her troubles too.

I didn't know how to deal with the anxiety, panic and shame! And not being able to do the things that I too became interested in like every teenager. Seeing chances go by!

Those 10 +/- years were the worst of my life!

Guess, after that I just resigned and put up with my situation in my twen years. And somehow muddled my way through the next years!
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-02-2020, 12:05 PM
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I freak out easily. If I get frustrated or feel nobody is understanding me or can't figure something out or can't get things working the way they should, I usually have an outburst. When we had really unreliable dialup Internet, for example, it was common for me to spend entire mornings screaming and sobbing at the computer and punching the desk or my legs. ;_; I also tend to go off on people who argue with or criticize me online, and take things very personally.

I always feel ashamed afterward, even if my complaint is a legitimate one and even if the other party (if one is involved) reacted just about as poorly. I've been criticized/rebuked so often for standing up for myself (one time, literally all I quietly said, when outright asked what was wrong, after a homophobic rant by a family member, was, "This conversation is making me uncomfortable," and even though the relative in question, seeming unoffended, apologized and changed the subject, my mother gave me the cold shoulder the rest of the evening for "rocking the boat") that even when I DON'T technically "blow up," even when I protest something calmly, I always feel bad afterward, and like I should apologize, no matter how hurt I am.

I feel I have no right to express any sort of frustration or anger because no matter how I do it, I do it wrong. -_- All my life I've gotten mixed messages from others that I need a spine and need to stand up for myself, yet whenever I do, however I do it, it upsets people and they want me to keep quiet. I've also had people (including friends and family) tell me I need a thicker skin, and tease/mock me accordingly to "toughen me up," yet when I fight back, even if I do it in a "joking" manner since they always insist they're "just joking," they get angry and attack me even more until I cry and retreat and then they criticize me for that, too. For some reason their anger and offense is always legitimate while mine is always unjustified. None of it makes sense to me and it feels like I'm constantly being gaslighted. If I try to point this out, I'm told I'm being paranoid/dramatic/overreacting. This is why I screencap everything now, since so many people find my numerous claims of trolling/harassment to be unbelievable.

(I used to get attacked CONSTANTLY on one if the first message boards I belonged to (a troll account even flooded the page with insults aimed at me), and since I often ended up blowing up in frustration and hurt, the other users made my username a euphemism for a hysterical person. https://i.imgur.com/naOWDdV.jpg https://i.imgur.com/ZEt2aw3.jpg Yes, I overreacted, but it's like they WANTED me to...why else keep at it until they literally drove me off the site? One of the users in the first screencap, BTW, even long after admitted she hadn't been nice to me, though it was too little, too late.)

So...I have a lot of crap simmering inside me. I don't know how to handle it. I think everyone expects me to just keep taking it and shoving it down inside, even if they themselves don't. So I cry a lot, instead. Crying and hitting things is the only way I know how to deal. Others call me a crybaby because of this (it was even a childhood nickname of mine, somebody wrote it on a school bus seat)...I guess it's accurate. I look back over my posts from the many times I was upset and all I feel is humiliation. I wish I reacted like everyone else instead. Literally everybody reacts better than I do.


...This will make me feel stupid, too. I don't know why I keep typing up these long, pouring-out-my-guts posts, nobody ever reads or relates to them. I'll put it behind a spoiler so it won't take up the page.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

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Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-04-2020, 05:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherGrey View Post
I have bipolar disorder. When I don't take meds, miss a med or even take the wrong set of meds, I get really angry. I have tried most everything in regards to medications that would treat bipolar disorder and only few work.
I can get so angry that I start shaking, I've thrown things and broke things in the past and I've said things I regret saying. It's like you want the person that your arguing with to get a taste of their own medicine, but what your really doing is hurting yourself and putting yourself through all of that stuff, when the other person, really doesn't care. It's like this quote I found:
"Resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die."

This is just one of the versions, but it is completely true! It doesn't affect that person at all.

I understand exactly what your saying with the built up anger and restentment. I get that too.

The thing is, I don't have an outlet either and often, I feel that I want to wreak havoc or punch something, but all I can really do is run or put my mind on something else. It actually works for me.
Find a hobby, like writing or art. I love both of them and they make me feel better.
Me too - it's very difficult. Some of the meds I've tried I could tell they were starting to calm me down but they made me so sick I couldn't continue with them.

The anger and rage associated with bipolar disorder is something a lot of people don't like to talk about - but it's very extreme and actually very frightening. It scares the hell out of me that's for sure.

Happens to me quite a bit. I'll probably need to find another medication eventually.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-04-2020, 11:17 PM
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Not often. I wish I would fulminate more often, depending on the social context, at people insulting me. It would make me less of a doormat.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-05-2020, 12:08 AM
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I use to more often. But having to constantly deal with a worsening child-like adult with a personality and emotional disorder, I have forced myself to become desensitize emotionally over the years. Outbursts have drastically decreased. But it's more not healthy mentally since the anger has to go somewhere. If it's not going out externally, it's being bottled up somewhere internally.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-05-2020, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by harrison View Post
Me too - it's very difficult. Some of the meds I've tried I could tell they were starting to calm me down but they made me so sick I couldn't continue with them.

The anger and rage associated with bipolar disorder is something a lot of people don't like to talk about - but it's very extreme and actually very frightening. It scares the hell out of me that's for sure.

Happens to me quite a bit. I'll probably need to find another medication eventually.

It's strange, most meds I've taken can make me angrier and worse than before.


And with the anger and rage, dude, it is scary! Sometimes, I feel like I don't have control over my actions, though I do and it's the anger causing me to act.


I have a grandma who has bipolar and my mom said she is the most evil person. I'm not saying all people with bipolar are, but It scares me. (my grandma never got treatment at all) My mom says she sees some of my grandmother's behavior in me. I never knew that side of my grandma. She lives in idaho, I've only seen her like 5 times. She says my mannerisms, the outbursts and just the way I am remind her of my grandma and it does scare me sometimes.



Though, I know, I have to control it with meds and that's okay with me, as long as I don't get consumed by anger and hate.

H.P.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-05-2020, 11:54 AM
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No way, the last time I did that my head exploded & it took forever to grow back 😞






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It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-05-2020, 03:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HeatherGrey View Post
It's strange, most meds I've taken can make me angrier and worse than before.


And with the anger and rage, dude, it is scary! Sometimes, I feel like I don't have control over my actions, though I do and it's the anger causing me to act.


I have a grandma who has bipolar and my mom said she is the most evil person. I'm not saying all people with bipolar are, but It scares me. (my grandma never got treatment at all) My mom says she sees some of my grandmother's behavior in me. I never knew that side of my grandma. She lives in idaho, I've only seen her like 5 times. She says my mannerisms, the outbursts and just the way I am remind her of my grandma and it does scare me sometimes.



Though, I know, I have to control it with meds and that's okay with me, as long as I don't get consumed by anger and hate.
Thanks a lot for answering me - I appreciate it.

A little while ago a new psychiatrist tried me on Olanzipine - which did seem to help but made me incrediby tired. Not just tired but physically exhausted - it was an effort for example just to get up to get off the tram. Then she wanted me to give Lithium a try - something I've always been a bit scared of tbh - and it made me so sick I couldn't believe it. But for the first day or so I could feel it calming me down.

I've been on Valproate for ages - but I lowered the dose a lot a while ago. I actually can't remember if it helped with the rage, which is horrible in itself.

I've had quite a few times when I didn't actually have control of my actions - when I went off overseas and did all this crazy stuff. When I think back on it that frightens me too - I could have easily ended up in jail or dead with what I was doing. I don't want that to happen again - but I feel lately I seem to be able to tell when it's coming a lot more. I hope so anyway.

I hope it's not too bad for you anyway - and thanks again.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 06-05-2020, 09:55 PM
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unless sth really relevantly angers me then I wouldn't have an outburst or a flame so it has been a long time since I've had an outburst. I like peace so I'm for peace.
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