Not meant for friends.... - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-08-2021, 02:46 PM
alien monk
 
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sometimes friends drifted away and i didn't have friends for a few years. i have friends i play board games with now, and my main friend. the whole board games thing was pretty central, i don't have to ****ing talk to them almost at all, but i've been around them for a while - over a year now - and seeing them weekly most of the time. and i do like them quite a bit, they are all kind of introverted misfits in one way or another. i don't enjoy going out for drinks or meeting at a cafe and having a chat - it doesn't make me chat, it makes me shutdown. so i guess find an activity that works for the way you communicate with people? i also had some success when interactions were forced (a mental health group, go around the circle kind of deal).

and **** being friends with co-workers, 99% of the time i can't do that. and **** being friends with flatmates, 99% of the time i can't do that. people i am basically trapped with are only a source of stress.

99% of weirdness and difficulty communicating is situational imo. if you made friends, you'd feel better and do better. its not like the people with friends are somehow better or you have poor social skills personally. if you take all of someone's friends and social connections away most people would be insecure as **** and have a hard time making new friends.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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post #22 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-08-2021, 09:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saeta View Post
I don't know what the source of the problem could be. Do you try to engage your coworkers, remember what's going on in their lives so that you have something to talk about every day? Maybe they sense that apathy and defeatism and that puts them off?
Building on that, I think people can, at least sometimes, sense the negative vibes of those feeling defeated by SA. When you have SA you get all kinds of negative emotions ranging frim anger and sadness to frustration and envy. These emotions get projected by you into the environment and other people (like coworkers) pick up on them.
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post #23 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-09-2021, 10:19 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the replies. Haven't been on in a few so sorry for the lack of response from me.

I certainly understand the projection aspect in which I may unintentionally throw people off. I've detailed on this site before how I know that I am a negative, cynical, realistic person or whatever other adjective you may want to use. When I initially wrote the first post, I was certainly more sad about it but my feeling on the subject can change on a day-to-day basis; Whether that be due to a mental affliction or not, I haven't the slightest idea as I have never sought out help of any kind before.

As I write this reply, I'm feeling okay but even in this balanced state that I am in today, I still remain solid in my affirmation that I will go about my endeavors solo. I'm just that type of person. A lone wolf whom is okay being alone most of the time yet on my darkest of days, desires meaningful connections that I have not been able to forge due to whatever reasons in my life. We are a social species so even the most isolated person desires connection some times.

To address a point in the replies. I have indeed initiated interactions myself, approached them in certain situations myself but it never metastasizes in fulfilling conversations. This is not just on one, two, three occasions but after multiple attempts so on one hand, I don't see any problem with being done and focusing on solo goals if all of my attempts to socialize ultimately fail.

I take full responsibility for my predicament. It's just ultimately coming to the realization that I may never have meaningful connections that I have to become okay with. Too long have I been concerned with trying to make friends. Now? I'm looking towards securing my future as best as I can because no one else will do it for me.

I legitimately have zero friends, that is just my lot in life. I get that sounds defeatist but it is what it is.

Again thanks for the replies. If you reply again, I will do my best to reply as well.

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We haven't lived in anything remotely close to "real" since the turn of the century.
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post #24 of 25 (permalink) Old 01-14-2021, 05:16 PM
Socializing with myself
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tymes Rhymes View Post
The few things I haven't done to try and better my circumstances have been external methods such as groups or doctors etc. Perhaps I will look into a mental health club of sorts but I always have this underlying feeling that they will not work for me. Whenever I am in a social situation, I am usually an outcast even among others with a similar disposition, not just because of shyness but sometimes a lack of interest in typical small talk banter.




Ever since elementary (grade school), if I've wanted socialization of any kind, I've had to initiate it. Even back then however I was pretty alone. In 1st grade, during recess, I walked alone around a baseball field regularly that was far from the rest of the playground. It got to a point where my teacher sent a letter home with me asking my parents if I was okay because I was always alone.

Now? I'm done with trying. It doesn't seem to work. I know that is a defeatist mentality to have. I'm more inclinded to try and achieve personal solace now.




Nice to see you posting still. I don't post much anymore myself but I remember your name.

That's the problem. The idea of having friends induces my anxiety and depression as well. As much as I sometimes want interactions; most of the time, I find conversations with people to be lacking in fulfillment. Most interactions just never feel "real" and this is something I've detailed in my posts on SAS before. I detest fake, robotic conversations yet they seem to be the basis for most human interaction so talking to people most of the time seems unproductive.



Thanks all the same. Getting to that point myself.

Tymes, it's terrible. Everybody interacts with me robotically. The people aren't resonating with me, because all I sense is an empty mind walking and talking, showing no signs of perceptual awareness.


I'm too busy with online college. I have to get a neuroscience/psychology degree to get a career. Trying to keep up with writing on here is extremely difficult.

Signature Under Construction - Be back very soon to update knowledge!


In the meantime. I'll perfect my writing techniques.
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post #25 of 25 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 10:21 PM
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The last friend I had was a few years ago that lasted 5 years, but I had to break it off because it was a toxic friendship, so here I am friendless again. Any true friends that I was happy with was when I was in middle school. Still makes me sad that it disintegrated when we were heading to high school. To be honest, I also think I'm not meant to have friends, they keep leaving my life after sometime that I'm just hesitant to make anymore or try not to get attached to people.
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