(No Quoting, Only Venting) What’s Bothering You Right Now? - Page 96 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1901 of 1921 (permalink) Old 07-31-2020, 12:42 PM
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It's been a nightmare week and a nightmare life. Idk how I'm supposed to live.


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post #1902 of 1921 (permalink) Old 07-31-2020, 05:21 PM
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Relentless mosquitoes.
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post #1903 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 08:31 AM
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hope I get a good squeeze out of this weekend. I hate the feeling of a lost or wasted weekend.
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post #1904 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 09:40 AM
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How TF did my hair grow so long so fast??? I just paid $35 for a cut not long ago, now I'll have to to again... clearly I misjudged how short I needed it
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post #1905 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 12:43 PM
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I want chocolate. But nope, not today or tomorrow or the day after and so on.
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post #1906 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 12:44 PM
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Why am I always the bad guy? I really don't understand Humans.

"Here we may reign secure, and in my choyce / To reign is worth ambition though in Hell: / Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav'n" - "Satan", Paradise Lost
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post #1907 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 01:59 PM
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Unshakeable sleepiness.
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post #1908 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 03:00 PM
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Can't comment.....

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
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post #1909 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 05:03 PM
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post #1910 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-01-2020, 05:12 PM
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someone took my jacket and kind of offhandedly said they would give it back next time they see me. i guess they can leave it in their car etc. now i have their jacket. i don't want to carry it around with me in my backpack :/. i see these people maybe once every month or two or three?? i've seen them like 3 times i think. idk if i took something from someone i'd make an effort to undo my mistake. maybe i should just throw their jacket in a donation bin

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #1911 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-02-2020, 10:49 PM
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It's kind makes me angry that my siblings will keep asking me put myself in a tough spot in order to lie for them, keep secrets for them, in order for them to keep things from mom. Yet I am the one she puts majority of her antagonistic and abusive attention on. But whenever the tables are turned, I sometimes go to them for help or just to vent, they will always give me the "not my problem, it's between you and mom, we can't help you and we don't wanna hear it."

I'm really tempted to now just rat them out just to get my mom divert her crosshair on me onto them, just to give myself just a bit of a breathing room and space from her. I deserve it.

A toxic person can surely make others around them to become a toxic person themselves, and backstab one another. An example of a toxic person spreading toxicity.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #1912 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-03-2020, 04:03 AM
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Summer break from work, usually that means you get to lean over and relax for a while, but that's where I am wrong. My birthday coming up, babysitting every Tuesday and Wednesday (even on my own birthday), all stress factors so I won't be able to relax after all. My mom wants me to clean the house, which I'm fine with cause it's no big deal but I can't do that every single day of my Summer break. Why do I even have a Summer break if I can't decide what I want to do?

In the meanwhile, my mind is continuing to break down. Complete absence of any positive emotions, I only laugh or smile because it's appropriate. Memory gets worse, I forget more and more things every day including the day itself. I'm no longer experiencing life like any average person would, it's more like I'm a spectator in a game or movie. I control the actions of my emotions based on what's 'normal' in society, not out of instinct. And the moment I tell someone about it, they just tell me to cheer up, get a hobby, go outside or whatever else. If it only were so easy, I wouldn't have felt this way a long time ago.

No one I can be truly honest to, nobody who understands me, always alone despite being surrounded by family and online friends. My soul is already dead, now it's just a waiting game when the same happens for my physical body.

"Like a book isolated on a shelf with no one to read it yet judge it for its amount of pages. I feel such way."

"Just because you're breathing, doesn't mean you're alive."
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post #1913 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-03-2020, 12:14 PM
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My mom wants me to send my dad a get well soon card since he had surgery and I don't want to but whatever. Guess I'll send him one. He's had surgeries before that weren't a big deal. I find it hard to feel bad for him. But from what she said the last time, it wasn't anything major.

He never calls me or anything so why should I pretend to care about the man that almost killed me? Kind of hard to care about someone like that just cause he's family. But oh well. If I have to send a card, I will. I definitely care about my mother but it's hard to care about someone like this. Just wish my dad never got hooked on alcohol. In a world where you might only live once, drinking alcohol is a very risky thing. I know he hasn't changed when I tried getting closer to him. I tried cause I figured I might. only live once and wanted things to get better but since I know he hasn't changed and never will, I've given up on the man and his ways.
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post #1914 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-03-2020, 12:52 PM
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There's a storm coming and people are panic buying again. At least I got everything I need.
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post #1915 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-03-2020, 02:04 PM
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Her antagonizing are always from any external triggers. And she constantly tries to seek out these triggers in every waking second. Her being a high energy extrovert, she is exposed to a lot of people, socializing, reading up on things and listening to things. All of these are just hotbeds for her to seek these riggers. Yet each and every single time, I always think a lot of these external triggers are my fault. My fault for not being smart enough to hide them. Or doing things to minimize her exposure to these triggers. I still do blame myself even now, even though I know it's mostly beyond my control.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #1916 of 1921 (permalink) Old 08-03-2020, 04:58 PM
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Increasingly getting tired of certain individuals (offline) and feel like I'm just going to snap at some point, regardless on having to be professional.
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post #1917 of 1921 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 09:01 AM
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I'm feeling sad because most of the people who reach out to me, I never end up hearing from them again. So I'm trying not to have any expectations. I just miss people to talk too.

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." ~Tori Amos
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post #1918 of 1921 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 01:26 PM
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my posts are mysteriously vanishing. There are so many glitches I never know what's going on.

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #1919 of 1921 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 01:31 PM
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Now she's giving me the 'If I am you right now, I would be so sad that I wouldn't even want to keep living.' quote again.

Texts me this quote like biweekly now for the past 2 months.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #1920 of 1921 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 01:57 PM
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I don't belong here. I would have left ages ago if I had somewhere else that was familiar to post about random stuff.

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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