(No Quoting, Only Venting) What’s Bothering You Right Now? - Page 80 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1581 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-19-2020, 01:36 PM
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170 a month for car insurance? They're going to rip you off any way they can. Maybe I need to go to my old HS and get a record of my grades to show them cause I hear you can do that and get a cheap price. I cant complain about 96 a month on my other car though. I mean, if you're young more than likely it's not gonna be any lower than what I got on it. But oh well.
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post #1582 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-19-2020, 01:38 PM
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I'm still trying to conjure the words and yet keep it as simple as possible on what to say to you. Despite the time passed, I just want you to know that I'm still the same person as you had first seen me. What ever you have heard, whether if it's true or not, doesn't matter. I try to remain consistent as best fit. I may withhold but I don't lie. If there's one thing that I want you to know, maybe it is just that... Maybe that will be the only thing to move on and change once I express that to you.
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post #1583 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-19-2020, 03:37 PM
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bull**** extension of quarantine, not even logical. new unlinked cases are in the single digits and theyve essentially extended the lockdown by at least a month. phase 1 is no different to the current lockdown, except more will work in the office.
phase 2 lasts severals months, phase 3 is until a vaccine gets developed.
in such a tiny country with already **** all to do without quarantine, its beyond depressing.

how about they set some real targets instead of this ambiguous rubbish. need to sack the whole task force, every other country is opening up with hundreds of unlinked cases and theyve decided to extend the thing with 2 new unlinked cases a day. what do they want, 0? makes no sense


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believe in urself
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post #1584 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-19-2020, 03:47 PM
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I know my mother is trying to be helpful with helping me get a cheap price on insurance hut when I told her one was 82 and another was 85 she said big difference. I mean, true but who would pass up 82 a month on car insurance? I could not find anything cheaper and I compared quotes from 20 different companies. I'm not really annoyed with her. Just feel bad my dad brainwashed her into trying to get every penny you can get back in money. Nothing wrong with it but at the same time, it can be annoying that my dad is like this. I have been kind of annoyed all day today but trying to keep it together. I cant pass up 82 a month. That's a little less than 1,000 a year. Less than what my. dad is paying a year and he said I should get mine less than his but I bet he's still going to say that's expensive. 😒
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post #1585 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-19-2020, 04:14 PM
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Insomnia.

New record, eight days without any sleep.
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post #1586 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-19-2020, 05:58 PM
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This way, that way, it's all the same. I'm never going to fit into this life.

I just wish my brother would stop trying to stare into my soul. My dad already tried to do that and I think he burned a hole in it. Stop trying to be some great and noble protector and just let me live my stupid ****ing life.


"How could you tell if your instincts were just hope in disguise, and if your hope was really desperation parading as possibility?" ~Laini Taylor
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post #1587 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-20-2020, 12:29 AM
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Thinking about how just about everyone finds me boring, weird, or annoying.
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post #1588 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-21-2020, 10:39 AM
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Human behavior.

Hopelessness.

I feel like giving up completely.

I wish there was an easy way out.

Now I'm Nothing
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post #1589 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-21-2020, 12:33 PM
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I'm not looking forward to going over to my sister's place Sunday for dinner. I know I'm going to hear my dad complaining again. After that, I'm hardly going over there from now on. I need to live at least an hour away like I am now. I dislike him again.
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post #1590 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-21-2020, 02:05 PM
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Cracking under pressure. What's new

more issues than vogue
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post #1591 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 12:31 PM
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Reddit photo of books in an abandoned library. Lots of comments from users wishing they could rescue the books. I was one of them. Figured it was a safe place to share the exact same sentiment.

Quote:
Poor things. I want to rescue them. I want to carefully pick them up, dust them off, air them out, give them loving homes. �� [crying emoji]
Promptly downvoted.

I checked the other, similar comments. Not downvoted. (Some even upvoted.) Just mine. Mine's the only one nobody liked.

Deleted my stupid ****ing comment. I'd upvoted the similar comments thinking these were people who could commiserate...nobody ever does, though...going to remove my votes. Will remove my vote on the post itself, too, since it's not wanted. I won't be a petty little ***hole like whoever downvoted me though by now I feel like it. Why not just turn into a jerk? Trying to be kind and to fit in has gotten me nothing but years of this ****. I'm bitter and sick by now. Nowhere will ever accept me.

It doesn't matter what sub I try to participate in, or how harmless my comments. Nobody wants me commenting. I even occasionally get downvoted for no reason in the ONE sub I'm active in anymore, an art sub. Nobody ever even says why. They just downvote. You know the only reason I still post there is because I don't want to break my streak? It's not like anyone notices or cares about my crappy work, anyway. I'm lucky if I get one upvote every couple of weeks (usually on art that doesn't deserve it--the drawings I'm actually proud of get no notice), and I've already had one for the week, so it's back to being ignored for a while (unless I get another inexplicable downvote).

I bet I could visit a support sub full of friendly users and wish someone well and get downvoted for it. I did get downvoted numerous times in the past for posting in a PET LOSS sub of all things, after all. Mourning the loss of a cat, but for some reason it's apparently offensive or doesn't contribute to the conversation? Downvote. Same when I posted in a sub for lonely people and begged for just a little reason to hold on. Downvote. Two of numerous examples. You know how it feels to pour out your pain over a missing pet, or over years of isolation and loneliness, and all you get is a bunch of downvotes within minutes? It ****ing HURTS. I'd hope you'd never find out personally, except I doubt you'd commiserate with me, plus you probably get the affirmation you need from other sources anyway. I'm apparently the only person who feels so hurt by all this.

I give up. Nobody ****ing cares what I want to say no matter what it is. I've tried so hard for so many years to fit into so many places, but I've been getting trolled and jeered and passive-aggressively pushed off of sites since 2000, and if it isn't that, I just get ignored. I can't contribute anything anywhere that anyone wants or likes. Even when I agree with others, people dislike it. I don't understand why I'm such a detestable wretch that nobody anywhere wants anything to do with me, but apparently I am.

...

I was originally going to post this in the thread that allows replies. But I know what happens when I try that. Nobody commiserates, often I even get the feeling I'm irritating people. I don't know why I keep hoping somebody can relate to me over ANYTHING but it's not going to happen, my experiences, no matter how common, are unrelatable to anyone. Moving this to the no-reply thread so I don't have to feel hurt that nobody cares. I'm feeling hurt enough right now.

**** you too, Reddit.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
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post #1592 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 12:44 PM
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Why isn't there anywhere that wants me? I know I'm annoying. I know I'm boring and talentless and I understand why I get ignored. But why do I get so hated? It's not in my head, either. I have 20 years of examples. People have even told me they hate me without knowing why. Including somebody who had a lot in common with me and I actually wanted to be her friend.

I just want to be liked somewhere. I want to contribute something, somewhere, that somebody likes or appreciates. I know I'm argumentative and irritating but I don't make fun of people, I don't troll, I don't deliberately hurt others or ridicule their pain. I try to be good. I know I fail, but I try. It doesn't feel worth it anymore, but it hurts even more to hurt others. It seems like it comes easily for others to be hurtful, though. They're nice to most people; I'm the only common denominator who deserves the hate. What have I done that makes me so horrible? That many people can't be wrong. I must have done something.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
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post #1593 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 05:16 PM
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My sister told me there's no way I could live in an apartment on 37 hours a week. But making 11 an hour, I could if I save up enough money. I hope that's not true but if it is I guess I'll have to wait awhile longer to find my own place. I have over 2,000 saved up, though. I think that's pretty good for the money I make. And I dont know anyone so I cant have any help with rent. I envy people that have connections cause they can easily move into their own place and have other people help them. Today really isnt the day for me to be down cause I got a raise so I'll just focus on that instead of this. Eventually I'll live on my own. Can't not live on my own forever.
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post #1594 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 10:10 AM
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It just occurred to me that we didn't even get spring this year. It's almost June and it's still raining basically everyday.
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post #1595 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 12:18 PM
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Landlord is here again. He's here like every Saturday now and sometimes mid-week too. I bet he's just bored because of the lockdown or something. Probably working from home. Ugh.

Really don't appreciate having a landlord who is a do-it-yourselfer.
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post #1596 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 04:57 PM
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Not. in a very good mood right now. I went. ti one of those bigger gas stations that isnt ghetto where half the pumps are sort. of messed up. Some man asks me for 23 dollars and I dont fully trust people cause he was talking about the coronavirus saying he was short on money and I dont like to give my money away to strangers so I gave him the lowest amount possible to give to someone without it being too cheap. I gave him 5 dollars. Well, right after he asks me for money the man at the house I live with calls my phone to borrow 100 dollars but he gave all my money back to me that he loaned me last time so why not? Then right after that man at the gas station wants to borrow friggin money someone mutters to themselves saying what in the world cause they were slowly backing. up their vehicle taking their time and I went by them cause they were taking their time and I know they were talking to me. I didnt even do anything but just walk around their vehicle. This is BS. The one time I go to a friggin bigger gas station and all this crap happens to me. Why? I. havent been to this gas station since last summer at least to pump gas.
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post #1597 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 05:06 PM
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I’m so sick of being forced to socialize because of my bro...two months of absurd drinking & partying during lockdown restrictions, plus all his service industry & cooking etiquette BS as well...I mean I was literally just forced to Facetime with people from my past who I don’t even remember at all besides their names & never really knew at the time...literally no link in my memory to draw on, it’s a part of my life so distant now it rarely comes to mind...but, “hey bro, get on a video call”...storms in from the neighbours out of the blue just to say “look who’s here”...”hey bro, turn off the music, take off the headphones, & facetime with someone you don’t remember out of the blue” while I’m high & buzzed from liquor after a long first two shifts back at work in which I’ve done more exercise from lifting/loading in two shifts than I’ve exercised in at least six weeks, not to mention the social burn out for a person like me after two months off schedule...but no matter, do it now! Cause guess what? we’re live!...sit through this awkwardness until the convo goes back to one on one between you two & I can slip back into my “dungeon” basement suite. And that’s just this time, could just as easily be him saying “Dino or Courtney or both are here, come hang out”, ****, not everyone wants or needs to constantly be social or party, some of us need recovery time from making an effort and constantly being **** at it.

I can’t wait until my bro can go back to work & spend all his time in bars/restaurants drinking & socializing with people that want to be social & drunk all the time, & can keep up with him. Between all the parties I’ve had to participate in during this lockdown because he lives here too, & now going back to work, & then not even being able to come home relax without being forced to decide if I’ll join him at the neighbours for a late dinner & then video chat I’m pretty done
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post #1598 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 05:54 PM
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Wow the people I live with were about to report me missing cause of the stranger asking me for money at the gas station. They thought I got kidnapped or shot at. It was the worst time for this man to ask me for money cause right after I get the phone call to borrow money from me this stranger comes up to me. 23 dollars is a lot to ask from someone you dont know anyways. I dont think I'll go to one of the nicer gas stations for awhile cause I seem to have bad luck at. those. Smh. ☹
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post #1599 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 09:09 PM
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Feeling slight resentment over the fact that I've put a level of trust in some individuals who ended up showing that they had little to no regards on how they processed it and carried themselves. Then there's the repeated blame that I was stupid to really put my vulnerability out there since it was essentially bait for anyone to catch and twist and turn it for their own agenda.


I'm starting to (slowly) try to connect the pieces from my past and how it's affected me, and what to really do to truly make use of it. Brene Brown is, in my opinion, a great motivator to explain vulnerability in a different light than I thought of it being; but I think I definitely should have went in depth with her work to learn on how use it adequately.

"Courage is not the absence of Fear. Courage is Fear walking." - Dr. Susan David

"If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three ingredients to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you put the same amount of shame in the petri dish and douse it with empathy, it cannot survive." - Dr. Brené Brown
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post #1600 of 1619 (permalink) Old 05-23-2020, 09:14 PM
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Gotta rob a bank.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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