(No Quoting, Only Venting) What’s Bothering You Right Now? - Page 36 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #701 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-10-2019, 12:31 AM
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I really want to die.

Slavoj Žižek on the horrors of tulips.

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My computer thinks I'm gay
What's the difference anyway
When all the people do all day
Is stare into a phone
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post #702 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-10-2019, 08:14 AM
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My dog's eyesight is getting really bad. He'll be totally blind in a year.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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post #703 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-10-2019, 09:50 AM
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Grandpa was rushed to the hospital after having a seizure this morning. Now I get a text from my sister saying we have to make the call between letting him go and dialysis.

I love him so much. I keep replaying the look in his eyes and how it was the same as my dad in his last moments. I held his hand until the ambulance came. Those might be our last moments together. Just yesterday I was saying hi, giving him a high five, hugging him and telling him I love him and now things are so different.

If we have to let him go I respect that. I don't want him to be alive and miserable because that's not a life. I don't think any of us are ready to say goodbye but if that's what it comes down to we have to accept and make peace with that. At least if he leaves he'll know he was loved.

Birch tree lost its branch one day in violent winter

I said it was grieving, you said it don't feel nothing
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post #704 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-11-2019, 09:19 AM
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I'm running into bad luck again. I called the bank cause apparently have to have a current phone number to access my online bank account. So I tried calling a woman from the bank. She couldn't even help me. Told me to go under settings to change my phone number and there was literally nothing under my settings for changing anything. So guess it's another trip to this bank again. My seafood manager said I'm running into all sorts of problems shes never heard of. And once again the ****tiest part is no one ****ing believes me.
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post #705 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-11-2019, 12:52 PM
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I’m driving from lab to field. Well about to. All this morning I’ve been alternating feeling depressed and anxious. It’s like when I’m with other people, trying to have conversations with them, it’s stress and awkwardness. Then when I’m alone, it’s depression. **** this.
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post #706 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-11-2019, 09:15 PM
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Guy ran a red to make a left ****ing years after the light changed. Only reason I noticed is because of my anxiety about distracted/dumb drivers at every damn intersection.

Y'all MFs tweekin'.

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Originally Posted by Barakiel View Post
Sounds like you've got it rough @Zatch
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I don't believe you at all about the taste. You are vegan anyway, so how would you know what meat tastes like. I get sick of vegans saying it tastes the same and then you bite into it and it's horrible.
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noodles. NOODLES
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post #707 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-11-2019, 09:40 PM
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Same old same old. Bleh.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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post #708 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 04:13 AM
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Some people really love their children, but it just puts a big black hole in my heart when I get off the phone to parents having had nice interesting conversations discussing their child's psyche/development/behaviour and past/future predictors/comparing our own upbringings and behaviour patterns.. then it's like "gee wish my parents and teachers cared for me the same way".

I hate not being loved, and I really long for emotional depth/connection from people. It honestly feels like my parents are just NPCs, though that could just be because we don't have a close emotional relationship. It feels like we're from opposite planets though...

Still makes me angry, "father" repetitively ripping the door open each time I closed it whenever there was some fight. I closed it because I wanted to be alone and feel safe and away. His responses "You've ****ign had enough time alone keep the ****ing door open" after violently grabbing my hair and pulling me side to side.

Both of them dismissing my introversion passionately, thinking there's something incredibly wrong with me.

Well yeh, there's something wrong with me, HAVING HAD TO LIVE through your parenting.



Teachers/counselors spouting "he lacks confidence x y z" holy ****, remember that session where there was both counselors and 1 teacher and then you were both there, and all of you were basically invalidating who I was, saying I need this and this and this.

It's like holy ****, can't you see the problem is family life, of course you can't because my parents will play saint and omit everything... there's no self-reflection whatsoever. No guilt or no "I could've done better here...", it's all my fault huh.



God, you're such a ****ing *******. At least you didn't choke me like you did him. I even got a false apology from you because one of the counselors talked about police charges. Like **** off you're so insincere it makes me boil, can you just **** off and not say Happy Bday to me too because you feel you "have to". You don't know me at all, I honestly don't care for things like "How are you?" "Thankyou" "Please" unless it's sincere which you are not.

LOL. I ****ing hated you holy ****. I just kept making excuses up for you until I came of age. I used to say all the time I didn't love you when I was a child (because of things like this), and both of you used to aggressively punish me for it.

You know what's the most painful thing. I'm going to hate you 100x more when you ****ing pass away you POS. The day you die is gonna be like "Ah fking ****, thanks you so so so much for this POS life and all these struggles, thanks for being such a dick of dad and not teaching me anything AT ALL about life while claiming I know nothing at the same time. LOL **** U, stop blowing ur own horn u POS ".

Hopefully I pass away before you so you can be left dead inside, ****ing idiot. I think I subconsciously sabotage my own life just to spite and bring shame to you or... maybe it's life's way of showing you how much you ****ed up, to have had brung up a creature like me.

You both ****ed up. It's like you both had zero emotional awareness and had kids for your retirement. Oh no, you actually did just have kids for your retirement plan because you wanted to be looked after and bask in glory, you even admitted it. How tf am I supposed to look after you and no way in hell am I taking you to the gambling machines FO.

So delusional, none of us can ****ing look after u. we're struggling can't you see.

“I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy.”
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post #709 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 09:44 AM
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Tbh I made that thread because I figured some people might have interesting reasons to live that I could reflect on/inspire me, but OK whatever.

Slavoj Žižek on the horrors of tulips.

🎸

My computer thinks I'm gay
What's the difference anyway
When all the people do all day
Is stare into a phone
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post #710 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 09:54 AM
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You're not better than the guys you look down on.

Slavoj Žižek on the horrors of tulips.

🎸

My computer thinks I'm gay
What's the difference anyway
When all the people do all day
Is stare into a phone
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post #711 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 10:01 AM
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I got a monitor cable from Amazon and it didn't come with screws, and I didn't report it. Now I'm stuck with a shoddy cable that keeps coming loose.

I might have an old cable with screws that will work, but why the hell didn't I report it?

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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post #712 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 02:52 PM
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I want to kill myself a lot. The world has something against me. I have to go three more extra steps just to get **** done. It's not fair at all. And it's not selfish if anyone kills themselves. They're suffering on the inside. Not all their problems are temporary. Some are permanent.
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post #713 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 02:59 PM
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The wind sounds like melting matrix.

Our hopes and expectations. Black holes and revelations.
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post #714 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 03:15 PM
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I'm such a frickin' loser, it's not funny. Well, it might be funny to some people, but it sure as hell isn't funny to me.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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post #715 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 04:29 PM
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It's about time, I listen to the universe. Nothing is easy. Nothing turns out how I wish it. The universe is saying...I don't want you here...and I'm going to keep giving you signs until you blow yourself away!

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post #716 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 07:07 PM
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cramps and many other discomforts
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post #717 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 11:12 PM
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@Leduc24 "pennies from heaven" comes from when people find pennies or dimes seemingly falling from out of nowhere, they just end up with random coins all around. Its thought that the coins are dropped by loved ones in heaven, hence "pennies from heaven". That might be a bad explanation. But I feel like i get pennies from hell, as in work. Work gives me pennies and work is hell.
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post #718 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 11:30 PM
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A light shining right in my direction when sitting in my living room at night.

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We're going riding on the freeway......
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post #719 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 12:54 PM
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I don't fit anywhere, just an alien who will never have a meaningful connection with anyone.

I'd have to compromise every part of myself to even try. But then it wouldn't really count, so yeah.

Slavoj Žižek on the horrors of tulips.

🎸

My computer thinks I'm gay
What's the difference anyway
When all the people do all day
Is stare into a phone
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post #720 of 730 (permalink) Old 07-14-2019, 02:06 PM
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The thought of going back to work makes me feel really uncomfortable. I find these meds take the lustre from my life and I can't feel all the wonderful feelings I used to. I hope my memory improves when I begin college again. If I do this right, I might just have a life by the end of it. Also, feeling a bit lonely. I'm too used to being around people. Maybe I should start a class during the summer. I find it hard to reach out to people, like what's on my mind can be hard to describe, hard to relate. I really want to make new friends, I just hope I don't come across as weird in front of people.

Our hopes and expectations. Black holes and revelations.
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