(No Quoting, Only Venting) Whatís Bothering You Right Now? - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-05-2019, 04:44 PM
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post #42 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-05-2019, 04:49 PM
Miles 2 go before I sleep
 
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I'm considering dropping this study. That's how I feel atm. Won't make any rash decisions. Will talk to the team first. Too much expensive travel, too long to be reimbursed, the screening is taking sooooo ****ing long, it's uber invasive and, tbh, I'm very happy with the work I'm doing in therapy. I mean, I think the study will really boost the results I've been getting, but I'm just exhausted with this whole ****ing process. Have to make so many ****ing calls tomorrow regarding it. Then so many followups and emails, scans, even a fax. Tedious and tiring.

I need a root canal so yay. First and ****ing last. That's what avoidance costs ya folks.

 
I have such a love hate relationship with men. I swing between thinking a relat is worth it, to remembering a man has never given me any substantive emotional support. It seems like they're incapable, ime. So are they worth the headache they inevitably bring? Idk. If I have female friends and a therapist, what do I actually need a man for? My sex drive disappears when I'm not having sex so that's not a factor... Idk that any man has brought anything worth dealing with the bs. I'd like to imagine I'm still open to relationships, but honestly, I have such low expectations I have little desire to get to know anyone. When a man shows me interest, internally I roll my eyes and imagine all the emotional caretaking I'll end up doing while getting nothing back. Sigh.

Hopefully this is a phase, but as is typical of phases, it surely doesn't feel like one. I said they a lot so clearly I'm generalizing. I just don't know if I care enough to be open enough to have a different experience. Mostly feel like nah, I'm good, I'll pass lol. Shrug. Who knows what the future holds.

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Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #43 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-06-2019, 10:39 AM
your dads girlfriend
 
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I’m really struggling, going off the deep end again. I feel so lonely and just wish I was closer to family or had someone to connect with. My spouse is only home about an hour a day before he needs to sleep again and I just can’t take being literally trapped inside my house everyday. Winter is 7m long and we only have one car but even when the car is available I don’t know how to drive and I have to get my son evaluated for a possible diagnosis and I’m just feeling like such a failure. I hate myself, the ppd is really hitting hard now which is crazy because a few weeks ago I was about to write in the type what you’re thinking about thread that i was so truly happy in that moment, whether it last a day, a week, a month, or years. But it’s crazy seeing how much my emotions have changed since.

pretty when I cry
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post #44 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-06-2019, 04:46 PM
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Roommate blasting the TV again, like usual.

An actual suffering strengthens,
As sinews do, with age.
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post #45 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-06-2019, 04:48 PM
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I would close my door, but my cat already spends over 10 hours a day locked up thanks to her.

An actual suffering strengthens,
As sinews do, with age.
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post #46 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-06-2019, 05:07 PM
Born Of Blotmonaū
 
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post #47 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-07-2019, 05:05 AM
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Snow, cold, gloominess again today. Winter is never ending and has completely drained what little hope I had remaining.


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post #48 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-07-2019, 06:50 AM
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A misunderstanding happened today. I told someone something only to vent, but they assumed I'm asking them to do X for me and they did it for me. Now the problem is I didn't want X to happen. Now I have to ask them to undo it which is embarrassing since they've been being nice doing it for me in the first place. They might also refuse to undo it.
fml

ďHonest to God, Bill, the way things are going, all I can think of is that I'm a character in a book by somebody who wants to write about somebody who suffers all the time.Ē ― Kilgore Trout



"I need to die" - Anonymous
"I'm just like...blaaaah. Effort? WTF is that? hahahaha" - Anonymous
"Love is a luxury" - Astron92
"One day you will look back at your life and you will only see your computer." - Nilufar
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post #49 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-07-2019, 03:38 PM
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Roommate finds enough time to cook during the week, and yet is somehow too tired or too busy to clean the kitchen, take out the garbage, or empty the dishwasher, so I'm stuck doing it.

An actual suffering strengthens,
As sinews do, with age.
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post #50 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-07-2019, 04:32 PM
Worthless Garbage
 
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getting a headache
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post #51 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-07-2019, 08:42 PM
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I'm a disgrace and a disappointment to everyone who knows me.
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post #52 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-07-2019, 09:52 PM
bird
 
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Just came back from a psychiatrist appointment.

Me: I feel worse than my usual. I was so anxious last night that I didn't sleep. And harmful thoughts have been circling.
Psychiatrist: You look much better than last time, and you sound better with your talking fluently.
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post #53 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-08-2019, 06:00 AM
Your momas hot boyfriend.
 
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I can't ****ing sleep. Again. Maybe it's my stuffy nose or my anxiety over one of my volunteer jobs potentially being in jeopardy that is making me feel this way. Who knows, and who cares.

...
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post #54 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-08-2019, 06:19 AM
Miles 2 go before I sleep
 
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I've sacrificed my honest reactions quite a bit in the service of being, not even pc, let's say, in the service of being accepting of others and trying not to make others feel the way I was made to feel. In an effort to be kind, I've almost pathologically deferred from having real opinions and saying what's on my mind. A lot tangled in there from the abusive upbringing, contorting natural reactions to keep very conditional love. Anywho, that's not what I'm going for anymore, so **** it.

On enhanced mobile I don't receive notifications besides pms. Apologies if I don't respond.

Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #55 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-08-2019, 09:08 AM
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Yesterday, when I walked by my neighbor's house, I said "hello" to the woman who lives there. She made a weird face and didn't respond. It ruined my day.

I'm going for another walk in just a few minutes and wondering if I should go around the block to avoid her. It seems like she's always out in her yard.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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post #56 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-08-2019, 03:36 PM
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Maybe the only thing that could go right in my life is if I don't wake up the next morning.
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post #57 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-08-2019, 10:02 PM
your dads girlfriend
 
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Today was really hard for me. I had to socialize with my spouses coworkers and their families, I just wanted to look somewhat decent but I had no time to get ready and the little effort I was able to make made me just stare in the mirror and cry. My face is so hideous and I ended up yelling I JUST DONT EVEN WANT TO GO ANYMORE! but I did, I did go and I felt proud of myself. It was really boring and then I got home and we watched a movie but then we fought and it was a big fight and Iíve just been crying all night. Now itís morning and Iím still awake. Crying.

pretty when I cry
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post #58 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-09-2019, 01:49 AM
Tired
 
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After last weeks meltdown, am not feeling very good. This next assignment is going to be a struggle. The pressure is so great now I might totally lose it. Each time recently it's gotten worse and worse. I have basically managed to corner myself in with two stressors, neither of which I am able to reduce to any acceptable level, and my capacity for tolerating stress reduces every time i freak out and panic.

It's becoming clearer and clearer that I can't manage this without pharmacological assistance, but nothing helps me.
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post #59 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-09-2019, 02:21 AM
Miles 2 go before I sleep
 
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In another timeline, I have a daughter about to turn 11. Blows my mind to consider. Love you always.

On enhanced mobile I don't receive notifications besides pms. Apologies if I don't respond.

Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #60 of 969 (permalink) Old 03-09-2019, 09:34 AM
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I've lost faith in humanity.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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