(No Quoting, Only Venting) What’s Bothering You Right Now?
I have to do something about my current job
situation as I am fed up beyond belief. I have two options...speak with my boss which will probably get me nowhere or find a different job. The thought of an interview is terrifying to me but I found an available job with higher pay, better benefits and it is in the specialty that I have years of experience in and am good at. I want to apply for this job sooo bad but just don’t know if I can fight thru the anxiety. I might have to just straight up quit at this point as my talent and experience is going to waste at the moment.
I'm sick of doing the same crap every day, getting called by my mother to open the garage which no one has bothered to fix for 4293402 years, having to force myself out of bed for people who are so selfish with their own money they prefer spending it on vacations and cars than fixing their own house. I'm sick of my brother messing up the bathroom which I have to keep cleaning up after him and having to hear him showering and opening and closing doors in the morning and when he gets home. I hate this house so bad but I'm scared I'll never leave. I just want to go off on my own somewhere already and live in peace...Please god. At the very least, grant me this sort of independence, since I can't off myself. Recently I keep fantasizing just being able to just get away from rude, obnoxious *******s and all these other little, but rage-inducing issues for the rest of my life though that's probably a pipe dream.
"So many resources keep me alive
Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
Yet I don't even bother to survive."
"If you think we waste too much then you can sacrifice yourself
Don't push your values
Push your values
Onto the crowd."
I can’t deal with work today. I am just sitting here pretending to be busy because I am anxious about the work and the fact I can’t really go any further unless I ask some questions which I am in no mood to do right now.
Sometimes I'll look at the Facebook of people I used to hang around. For a while a few of them didn't have girlfriends and now all the ones I checked do. Which is good for them. I'm not wishing them ill will and in a way I'm not jealous. Sure I'd like to have a girlfriend if it actually went well but my odds are not the kind you'd bet on. I guess, if I'm honest, I just wish it was viewed better to be single. This is why it's healthier not to think about it. Though it's impossible if you're on Facebook so I usually just don't do Facebook much.
I always seem to make things weird. I know it's better when I don't say anything at all. I guess I keep stupidly thinking I'll find someone who understands.
:: Anybody else want to run? Contorting, distorting, I am undone. One less propaganda nightmare fixture. Are you getting the picture? Separate. I've lost my only way. See the shape, Broken and thrown away. ::
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It still bothers me that the only girl I had genuine feelings for has a boyfriend now especially considering she said she felt the same way about me. No one really compares to her personality and I can't imagine feeling the same way about anyone else. Only person that made me happier which takes a lot but oh well that's life I suppose. I wish it would have been me but the most important thing is that she's happy that's all I wanted I guess.