(No Quoting, Only Venting) What’s Bothering You Right Now? - Page 21 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #401 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-11-2019, 06:17 AM
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My bedroom is a disaster area right now...I have a bad habit of just throwing stuff (boxes,shoes, etc..) on the floor. Need to pick up and neaten things as I feel like I am borderline hoarding at the moment.
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post #402 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-11-2019, 06:20 AM
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i dont think ill ever improve. in fact, im slowly deteriorating from having no social communication in real life outside of work. where i was once just awkward with people, im now completely foreign.

believe in urself
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post #403 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-11-2019, 08:18 AM
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Been unemployed for a month now, and feel worthless at times. It can be hard to live in the past for me, something I need to improve.. If i wasn’t chronically injured I’d be utilizing the gym most likely, my favourite “nothing zone” as I like to call it. Every guy needs one where they can escape to once in a while. For some it’s working on cars, playing the piano, walking the dog etc. I just feel like I need to find my niche in life which is hard when I feel so physically limited.. I was never very artistic besides cooking I guess, which is an art and a science in itself.. I tried going go to an online chatroom but it was filled with ENTP types.. One of them was constantly inferring that I was bi-sexual and somehow managed to call me homophobic .. Too many faux mind readers out there who will argue just to argue.. Anyways it gets lonely at times and for such an introverted person, I don’t know where to start about getting into a relationship. I try to see people for people and not objects, but with the average being, it’s like conversation is so forced and boring. That is partly my fault for not learning the art of small-talk.. Like in the past I would ask questions about their school-life or something for example, and felt like i was being too intrusive. We live in a society people are so guarded and no one can say what they truly feel, but are so quick to go behind each others back..hmm...I guess that seeing the big picture is a hard thing to do, which is a shame because our time on earth is very limited.. At least learning that there are some cool/engaging people on here gives me hope in finding a circle some day.
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post #404 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-11-2019, 08:34 AM
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I need to get some papers shredded, but that requires driving about 10 miles before noon, and I just don't feel like it. Maybe I'll wait until there's free shredding at my credit union, although I don't know when that might be.

Loneliness is not about being alone; it's about not feeling connected.
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post #405 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-11-2019, 12:41 PM
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Feeling nervous trying to schedule a new volunteer interview for Monday at a thrift store. Let's see how this goes.

"Drifting and autocross is for the weak. We only do maximum velocity."
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post #406 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-11-2019, 02:28 PM
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Another Saturday filled with loneliness and boredom. Sigh.
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post #407 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-11-2019, 10:16 PM
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I don't think there's anyone in the world I could feel comfortable with.

Loneliness is not about being alone; it's about not feeling connected.
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post #408 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 08:31 AM
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My job really sucks right now, so hard for me to care about my work. Really tired of the non-stop gloominess both inside the office and outside...cloudy, rainy and cool is almost a daily thing now.


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post #409 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 12:10 PM
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When everything sucks and nothing matters and you’re miserable and you fail at what you’re trying to do and you can’t have what you want and you’re surrounded by people who don’t agree with you and you’re single and you’re not getting better and ssris don’t work and therapy is a scam and you’re scared of people and you try to be normal but you’re not and everyone else is normal and you feel like crap and you’re getting worse or at least staying the same and you don’t connect with anyone and you feel like **** and you want to end it but not really because you still have some hope but sometimes it feels like nothing is good and you’re miserable and you’re alone because you can’t bond with people and you never fit in and you’re ugly and you’re trapped like this and it’s going to be like this forever and you don’t know what to do and you’re cowardly so you don’t change and every day is the same and you’re smart but not as smart as other people and you envy everyone and no one agrees with you politically and you’re alone and you don’t have a boyfriend and you’re incompetent.
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post #410 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 12:47 PM
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I hate some of the mandatory duties here...

“I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy.”
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post #411 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 05:47 PM
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I don't want to be alive anymore.

Now I'm Nothing
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post #412 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 07:25 PM
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I'm probably setting myself up for heartache.

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post #413 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-14-2019, 11:40 AM
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My brief window of hope and positivity has closed...back to feeling bleak, anxious and without hope. I am letting things in the news get to me again...thought I was over that.


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post #414 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-15-2019, 09:23 PM
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why can't they get this site to run decently?
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post #415 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-16-2019, 08:34 AM
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I can't ****ing wait till you're out of my brain, and the process is happening right now. You are no more! For 10 whole months all i've thought of is you and i hattttttte my self for it and i can not believe it's taken me THIS long to snap out of it! i hate you so much rn for consuming my life this way. i hate myself too for being a sucker for it. but no more. no more. enough now.


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post #416 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-16-2019, 04:17 PM
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JOBS


I don't understand what I'm doing. I wish I could understand people's intentions better. I try so hard to fulfill the immediate needs ad-hoc and forgot to think. So lame.

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human
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post #417 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-16-2019, 05:26 PM
 
 
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I've been going back and forth wondering if I should have reached out or maybe my rejection had something to do with it and guilttripping myself for avoiding you since then... but I have to respect your autonomy whether or not I agree with your decision. That's what you chose to do and I have to respect that. I really wish it went any other way but I can't regret a decision that someone else made. I could torture myself about the (probably tiny) part I played in your life but it's illogical to make assumptions based on little to no evidence.

I don't believe in an afterlife or anything so I'm not going to pretend this is anything but me talking to a figment of my imagination. But yeah this sucks. I'm sorry.

I'm no pariah, but I'll try to pretend
I hope you'll keep your distance now and then...
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post #418 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-17-2019, 02:58 AM
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you are DEAD to me.


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post #419 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-17-2019, 07:11 AM
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The feeling of apathy has really overtaken me.


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post #420 of 427 (permalink) Old 05-17-2019, 06:17 PM
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I mean it doesn't really matter who I vote for does it? I can't even be bothered to investigate further. My life is going to be **** no matter what sooo.


Also... Other stuff bothering me that I guess I won't talk about...

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My computer thinks I'm gay
What's the difference anyway
When all the people do all day
Is stare into a phone
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