(No Quoting, Only Venting) What’s Bothering You Right Now? - Page 21 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #401 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-11-2019, 10:16 PM
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I don't think there's anyone in the world I could feel comfortable with.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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post #402 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 08:31 AM
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My job really sucks right now, so hard for me to care about my work. Really tired of the non-stop gloominess both inside the office and outside...cloudy, rainy and cool is almost a daily thing now.


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post #403 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 12:10 PM
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When everything sucks and nothing matters and you’re miserable and you fail at what you’re trying to do and you can’t have what you want and you’re surrounded by people who don’t agree with you and you’re single and you’re not getting better and ssris don’t work and therapy is a scam and you’re scared of people and you try to be normal but you’re not and everyone else is normal and you feel like crap and you’re getting worse or at least staying the same and you don’t connect with anyone and you feel like **** and you want to end it but not really because you still have some hope but sometimes it feels like nothing is good and you’re miserable and you’re alone because you can’t bond with people and you never fit in and you’re ugly and you’re trapped like this and it’s going to be like this forever and you don’t know what to do and you’re cowardly so you don’t change and every day is the same and you’re smart but not as smart as other people and you envy everyone and no one agrees with you politically and you’re alone and you don’t have a boyfriend and you’re incompetent.
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post #404 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 12:47 PM
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I hate some of the mandatory duties here...

I don't wanna exist
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post #405 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 05:47 PM
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I don't want to be alive anymore.

Now I'm Nothing
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post #406 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-13-2019, 07:25 PM
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I'm probably setting myself up for heartache.
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post #407 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-14-2019, 11:40 AM
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My brief window of hope and positivity has closed...back to feeling bleak, anxious and without hope. I am letting things in the news get to me again...thought I was over that.


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post #408 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-15-2019, 09:23 PM
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why can't they get this site to run decently?
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post #409 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-16-2019, 08:34 AM
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I can't ****ing wait till you're out of my brain, and the process is happening right now. You are no more! For 10 whole months all i've thought of is you and i hattttttte my self for it and i can not believe it's taken me THIS long to snap out of it! i hate you so much rn for consuming my life this way. i hate myself too for being a sucker for it. but no more. no more. enough now.


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post #410 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-16-2019, 04:17 PM
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JOBS


I don't understand what I'm doing. I wish I could understand people's intentions better. I try so hard to fulfill the immediate needs ad-hoc and forgot to think. So lame.

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human
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post #411 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-16-2019, 05:26 PM
 
 
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I've been going back and forth wondering if I should have reached out or maybe my rejection had something to do with it and guilttripping myself for avoiding you since then... but I have to respect your autonomy whether or not I agree with your decision. That's what you chose to do and I have to respect that. I really wish it went any other way but I can't regret a decision that someone else made. I could torture myself about the (probably tiny) part I played in your life but it's illogical to make assumptions based on little to no evidence.

I don't believe in an afterlife or anything so I'm not going to pretend this is anything but me talking to a figment of my imagination. But yeah this sucks. I'm sorry.
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post #412 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-17-2019, 02:58 AM
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you are DEAD to me.


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post #413 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-17-2019, 07:11 AM
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The feeling of apathy has really overtaken me.


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post #414 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-17-2019, 06:17 PM
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I mean it doesn't really matter who I vote for does it? I can't even be bothered to investigate further. My life is going to be **** no matter what sooo.


Also... Other stuff bothering me that I guess I won't talk about...

Kick down the door
Kick through the pain
You've been talking to the wall
Everybody is dead in this house

Kick down the door
Kick through the pain
You never wanted to be born
Everybody is dead in this house

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post #415 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-17-2019, 07:21 PM
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its so tiring, as the circle of time repeats.
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post #416 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-17-2019, 11:54 PM
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Telling someone they are wrong to feel the way they do is really just another way of telling them you don't care about their feelings. Unsurprisingly, this often results in them not caring about your feelings, either.

Similarly, lying to them and telling them you understand their feelings and then making it obvious that you do not in the next sentence isn't exactly going to make them trust you. Lying is not a big trust builder. Or I should say that getting caught lying is the opposite of building trust.

/WYSD
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post #417 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-18-2019, 01:44 PM
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Just another rant about seeing parents and their children in public transport.

This time it was a woman with two children, one of them is a girl who's about 3-5 years old (she seemed very small though) and a boy who was younger than the girl and he was sleeping in his mum's arms. They seemed like they're from a rather working class family, probably family with not sufficient income. The woman was tired and bored with everything, the girl was sitting next to me with her mothers/her own mobile phone and playing some ''dress up a doll'' game. It was so sad witnessing the little girl desperately trying to interact with her mother who was bored and tired with both of her children, the girl would say stuff like ''look, I'm at a newer level'' or ''look, there's something interesting here!'' etc. The mother would be like ''yeah, sure'' and cut the contact off every time or pretend not to hear the girl at all. The girl, of course, would desperately keep trying to contact the mother because children's survival depends on their parents/caregivers so they don't notice the bad stuff and they're consciously unaware there's something wrong here (it gets burried in unconscious). It was so heartbreaking to witness, knowing the impact it has on psyche and personality development of a child, how children need secure attachment to their parents, it's as vital as physical needs. The mother, of course, doesn't know about this impact so she lets herself be this way because, well, she's tired and doesn't feel well herself. Like most people, she doesn't really think about her decisions in life much and if she does it never goes behind mainstream rhethoric. And the ideological rhethoric says ''you reach certain age and you have family, you give birth to children''. That's it. Everybody does it and it seems not so difficult. She could also be raised by parents that didn't bother much about her, she was just there. So maybe the novelty of having her first child got her excited as something new and important but then there was a second child and she got way too tired cause she doesn't get much help in raising children and basically does all the stuff on her own despite having a husband. So now she thinks it's ok to brush at least her first child off, to give her phone in order to basically get rid of her which kind of works so she can not to bother that much. Then since a couple years later she'll be putting half or one third of the job of raising her second child on her daughers shoulders like 99% of mothers. Awesome. And I'd like to get angry at this mother and judge her, but at the same time I understand that she's tired, lots of things bother and depress her, she has lots of responsibilities etc. But from the perspective of her children, it's right to accuse her of all this stuff. Parents abuse their power they have over their children who depend on them too much to revolt against them. They basically can get away with anything unless they get caought with some extreme abuse which is the only thing that's considered unacceptable in our societies. But as a working class family with two children they struggle a lot. But then they could not give birth to the children. So I also get angry at the government that propagates this ideology of having family, having children for the country, anti-abortion propaganda etc the most. Although the propaganda doesn't completely excuse it because they weren't forced into birthing children and they still had an unpopular option of not doing it. Anyway, it's complicated.

Seriously, I felt like I could burst at any second because of this plus the ****ty ''music'' on the radio plus the bus moving slowly.




P.S. Oh and there was another time when I saw a girl who was about 9-11 years old on the bus. There was woman that was clicking things on her phone next to me and the girl started to ask something to this woman and she payed zero attention. Then the girl was asking her to better go off on current stop but not another one and calling her ''mum'' and she payed zero attention again and she started to talk to another woman instead who was with herself and the girl about something. And then they left on some stop. It was so strange and tragic to witness. Like who the **** treats their children like that? What's their problems? I have an urge to judge them without any justification, but then I'm thinking what if I was having sex with someone before I found out about childhood traumas and what if I got pregnant and what if I was against abortions at that time even if I wouldn't be religious (cause anti-abortion propaganda is pretty strong in this country). I would have a clueless life too and my child would be super duper traumatized by me.

Sorry not sorry
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post #418 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-18-2019, 04:51 PM
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Sofaking bored...can you die of boredom? I think it's possible.
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post #419 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-18-2019, 05:03 PM
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I'm stupid. :/
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post #420 of 1635 (permalink) Old 05-18-2019, 05:24 PM
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I really just want my life to end.
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