(No Quoting, Only Venting) What’s Bothering You Right Now? - Page 117 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #2321 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-26-2020, 12:48 PM
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Always feeling exhausted or wired or both simultaneously.

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Yet another man lost to irony poisoning, cynicism, hyper-self awareness and the inability to be sincere.

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post #2322 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-27-2020, 04:08 AM
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The main thing bothering me is that I often get triggered into deep and dark depressive states, and I need to figure how to make them stop happening. It's not good enough to have to cope with it all the time, I want it to stop happening in the first place. My life's already bad enough without these on top of it. So, that's what's bothering me right now.

A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it. - Dogen
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post #2323 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-27-2020, 06:36 PM
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I know you mean well and I do take your message to heart. But it still magnifies the sting as to why I cannot see through the lenses that you have in order to save myself, essentially. I'll stay in this rut because I'm too comfortable now.
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post #2324 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-27-2020, 10:29 PM
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post #2325 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-27-2020, 10:35 PM
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My mind catastrophizes even when it gets relatively good news. I think most people would latch onto even the smallest particle of hope in this situation but my stupid brain just immediately starts looking for a path to disaster that it knows is there.

This is such a unique and lonesome stress. I just don't know how to feel about it. The maddening fear of being completely powerless in the face of so much uncertainty. I can't believe this is happening again.

/WYSD
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post #2326 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-28-2020, 03:41 PM
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I would take having a depressive episode over prolonged anxiety. I'm tired of feeling like I'm on my toes all the time and then do stupid crap to try relieving it (more often than not it would subside for a short frame of time, even when managing it 'the correct way'...) I hate this.
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post #2327 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-28-2020, 10:08 PM
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post #2328 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-29-2020, 12:04 PM
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I just dont want to work right now or at all this week or in the near future or in the distant future or in the past either. and I dont want my flatmates to be around. if they could all go away that'd be nice.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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post #2329 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-29-2020, 12:19 PM
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Why can't I just get through a freakin' day without crying?
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post #2330 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-29-2020, 06:03 PM
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Living a meaningless existence feels so ****ing hollow. I feel so useless. I just exist to exist. I just exist to perpetuate my existence for yet another day. So tired of this.

You live up in your head
Scared of every little noise
Someone's always breaking in accidentally
Using nothing but their voice
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post #2331 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-29-2020, 06:20 PM
.
 
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What is a meaningful existence though ? All life only exists to perpetuate itself anyway so you're doing it right : /






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #2332 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-29-2020, 06:30 PM
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Something has to change, otherwise, hasta la vista.
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post #2333 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-29-2020, 06:35 PM
Failure's Art
 
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^ idk I feel like I should be building meaningful relationships or helping others or doing something other than sitting in this apartment by myself all day every day. Not sure I can define what exactly would be meaningful but I would know it if I felt it, if that makes sense.

You live up in your head
Scared of every little noise
Someone's always breaking in accidentally
Using nothing but their voice
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post #2334 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-29-2020, 06:46 PM
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I just want books and to live in the woods. I'd be happier there than here

Late Bloomer or Dead Man, idk
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post #2335 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-30-2020, 12:47 PM
🤓🤓
 
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It's ridiculous how people say that's life when the government steals money from people but when a regular person wants free things here and there they instantly get judged for it like it's a bad thing. The government steals some of your money anyways. lol Guess people in general aren't allowed to have free things here and there without people getting offended cause someone got something for free. It's dumb as hell cause everyone wants some things for free. Why pay more for extra stuff especially if you work for your money anyways? 😒
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post #2336 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-30-2020, 01:19 PM
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waiting and waiting and waiting

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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post #2337 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-30-2020, 03:39 PM
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Worried about work tomorrow more than usually--body is sore, feel weak, and tired. Kinda had me working two jobs at once today so that sucked. I'm zapped of all energy. Actually tried to call in sick, the *******s still wanted me to come in so there's that. I need to quit. Wish I'd just quit haha. I want to find something remote.

Life's Wack
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post #2338 of 2498 (permalink) Old 11-30-2020, 09:13 PM
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I hate it when I get frustrated and think bad thoughts about someone I actually do care about and then something bad happens and I sit around beating myself up over it and thinking how petty my reasons were for it. I mean, I know thinking that you hate someone doesn't make bad things happen to them but it just makes me feel like a rotten person.

/WYSD
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post #2339 of 2498 (permalink) Old 12-01-2020, 03:41 PM
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crooked-minded people are despicable
(edit) the sin is despicable, sorry was in a bad mood
(to be very clear, this is not directed at anyone on the forum)
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post #2340 of 2498 (permalink) Old 12-01-2020, 10:17 PM
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Therapy again tomorrow. Really not looking forward to it. I'm torn between fearing that I'll remember something I don't want to remember (1% chance) and fearing that I won't remember anything at all and that I'll continue to have no explanation for being the complete and utter ****up I am (99% chance). I'm not sure which fear is creating the emotional disturbance I'm getting, but therapy is turning into something I dread.

Beauty isn't everything. It's the only thing.
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