(No Quoting, Only Venting) What’s Bothering You Right Now? - Page 110 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #2181 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-12-2020, 10:05 AM
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I don't want to be/remain in the same place as I was last night anymore. Something has to give.
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post #2182 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-13-2020, 09:08 PM
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Always and once again now, the good news and good fortune of others are being used to attack me to translate into my misfortune. Why subconsciously, I always feel delighted to hear about others going through misfortune, setbacks and committing screw-ups. I hate being this person. It's disgusting. But I am constantly conditioned to be so.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #2183 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-15-2020, 05:16 AM
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I've felt pretty blah for the last month sometimes worse than others, now I have additional emotional stuff going on. Everything is just completely **** but also it's hard to find the words and I don't want anything that's possible.

I started doing something, but then drifted off and now can't make myself go back. I have a really hard time organising attention in the sense of like I'll get really absorbed/stuck into something or find it really hard to start something or if I'm doing something I can't stop because later it might be hard to continue. It doesn't matter what it is it could be something that's really boring or something that's supposed to be fun. It's just the worst.

Well at least someone just subscribed to my YouTube channel. Someone else will unsubscribe again soon :') that's happened twice already.

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Yet another man lost to irony poisoning, cynicism, hyper-self awareness and the inability to be sincere.

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post #2184 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-15-2020, 05:44 AM
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My hair finally reached an intolerable length in terms of it taking long to dry plus taking a bit long to wash plus I basically keep it in a pony tail 24/7 so I cut most of it off in about a minute and now I'm sure various parts are different lengths but I also don't care.

And tbh this is pretty much just what's happened with my hair for the part several years now. I just don't know what to do with it past getting rid of length, and I'm kind of limited because I never use hair products or whatever

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Yet another man lost to irony poisoning, cynicism, hyper-self awareness and the inability to be sincere.

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post #2185 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-16-2020, 02:44 AM
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Will I ever just stop being disappointed in humanity? I mean seriously, I have REALLY low expectations. And yet people continue to surprise me with their stupidity.

I wish I could get off this ****ing planet.

"Sin" is an imaginary disease invented to sell you an imaginary cure.
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post #2186 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-16-2020, 04:04 PM
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I’m so numb....and overall just mentally exhausted that I can’t think straight.

I reached out to a therapist. So that’s a step, but I feel really low at the moment.

Like zone out for an hour+ doing nothing level of low.

"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
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post #2187 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-16-2020, 04:51 PM
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Jesus christ. I hope I don't regret my vote but it doesn't matter in the end anyways. Still wondering if I shouldve even voted at all.
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post #2188 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-16-2020, 04:58 PM
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I'm less enthused about my continued existence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by YouTube comment
Yet another man lost to irony poisoning, cynicism, hyper-self awareness and the inability to be sincere.

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post #2189 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-16-2020, 06:06 PM
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Crazy how hopeless and worn out I feel everytime I interact with my mother. Confused, chaotic, drained. SI spikes every single time. There's no room for me in our relationship. I've been worried abt her since I was 4. And it's still all about her. I don't exist to her and she knows nothing abt me. Just a vague shape of expectations called daughter.

If I ask myself what I want, honestly I don't like her now, didn't like her then and she's caused nothing but pain due to her untreated mental illness. Yet she's so fragile all I feel is guilt at the thought of her feeling so sad and abandoned. So until I care more about myself than I do her I'll just deal with the despair everytime we interact.

Our family exists on guilt and obligation. The problem is there's no love or positivity to make any of it feel worth it. Just a drain. If we never spoke again I'd be better for it. But what happens to her. God knows she won't go to therapy to learn to manage her emotions so we could possibly have a relationship. So here we are, stuck fake relating for the rest of our lives, none of our attachment needs being met. Sad.
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post #2190 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-16-2020, 09:44 PM
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-_-

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
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post #2191 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-17-2020, 03:57 PM
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When 'smart alecks' think that anything said can be criticized and then have the audacity to point the finger at you because you confront it, then have the audacity to say you're the one who's projecting.

Yeah, bye.
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post #2192 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-17-2020, 04:55 PM
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All my roommates are moving out by the end of this month and I’m honestly freaking out. I moved into this place in July and was just getting used to them but due to changes in their personal lives, they’re moving out. One of my roommates is helping me look for other people but my anxiety is through the roof at having to now meet and manage new roommates. I’m trying to keep calm and stay optimistic but I’m honestly afraid.

"There's no greater agony than baring an untold story inside you..."
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post #2193 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-17-2020, 08:46 PM
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post #2194 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-17-2020, 10:17 PM
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People who keep coming in and out of my life for decades and always make me feel like dirt. It's like they're holding a grudge against me and I don't even know why. Well maybe I was being a little rude but that's only because they were belittling me. Let it go!
If they hate me so much then stay the hell away from me. Or maybe they are just like that (hateful) with everyone.
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post #2195 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-18-2020, 08:37 PM
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My mother is a mean old woman who always uses her religious beliefs as an excuse for being selfish and spiteful and hateful (Although sometimes she doesn't make any excuses and just lets it all hang out). She has done so many things to severely piss me off (especially over the past couple of years) that I just can't forgive her anymore. I used to. With most people I pretty much always forgive them once I get over the initial anger or hurt or whatever they have caused. She has done it so many times that I know she will never change and she is not sorry for any of it. She's just a crazy, mean old bat. And she just gets crazier all the time.
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post #2196 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 07:30 AM
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A lot of people at work are so mean they would desecrate my grave after I die if they could then laugh about it. At least that's how I feel they would be.
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post #2197 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 04:15 PM
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If karma does exist...boy, it's making a good mockery out of me now. Anxiety inducing...happy now or not finished yet...?
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post #2198 of 2206 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 07:51 PM
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One of these days I'll be so out of my mind that I'll actually be able to end everything.
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post #2199 of 2206 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 03:39 AM
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Please, please, please let this issue be resolved. Time to whip out my list of gods to pray to.
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post #2200 of 2206 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 08:25 AM
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I've got 'THAT' feeling today? Hate it when it comes around, are all the other draining and belittling days not enough? Apparently not.

I just wanted to wish you all who are suffering, strength and hope.
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