(Here I am, online at a time when I should really be in bed!
I'm really glad you've been given some advice here that might help you, if even a little. The way you're feeling right now is actually something I'm very familiar with...in fact I've been feeling it pretty much every morning for a while now.
I actually dread getting to bed (no matter how much I adore sleep, and how tired and miserable I am the next day without it), because that's when it's been hitting me hardest lately. Every night I ask myself, why? Just...why? Why am I even here, still? What is the point
of all this hurting? Will I ever know?
But I cry for a little while, kiss my cat goodnight, dry my eyes, wash my face, and go to bed and wake up again just the same. I find something small and tenuous to keep holding on to.
I guess I have this stupid hope (and I won't lie, sometimes I hate hope for keeping me going) that that something small and tenuous will eventually prove worthwhile. Until then...I keep holding on, and trudging.
I think I just don't tend to show it quite
as much as you've been tonight (unless you've been spotting my posts in "What's bothering you...," I think I'm currently the top poster in there, hooray ;_; ), so, I don't know, maybe I don't come across as being as upset as I really am...but it's definitely...well...grueling.
Perhaps I'm just more used to it. After all I've had about 25 years of it to put up with so far. :/
I kind of wanted to ask, if there was something specific, a trigger, a straw that broke the camel's back, that set you off last night/tonight, as you were sounding cheerier yesterday (er...the day before...cripes this is what I get being on here after midnight
), but now you seem to have crashed...but perhaps it's better for you not to dwell on that. All I know is that it looks like everything has piled up and hit you hard...another feeling I know well. Life feels like an avalanche sometimes.
The advice you were given is solid. Tiny pieces. Tiny steps. Keep trying to fit them together somehow. (Some of them take some work...like the jigsaw didn't do its job properly.) And try to find something, no matter how fragile and tenuous and silly it might seem, to hold on to until the next day, and the next.
I think I'm just blithering pointlessly and need to get to bed ;_; but I just wanted you to know you haven't gone unnoticed. And you certainly aren't unliked (though I also know from experience it can be hard to believe that).
I do hope the more concrete issues that are plaguing you (your car, your job) can be worked out somehow, too. Often when those are resolved, the emotional issues level out somewhat. When you have so much concrete stress in your life it's like your immune system is compromised, and no wonder every emotional thing hits you like a brick.