I think you need to stand your ground and show that your time is important. If you're busy and can't do the work, or have somewhere to be after work, let her know you're busy. If you're not sure whether you'll be free the next day, say that you can't promise anything as you don't know. If you don't want to be contacted outside of work hours, don't respond and they'll get the message. Hope that helps <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>
Originally Posted by SparklingWater
This isn't a lady issue, an emotional manipulation issue or a narcissistic issue. This is a boundary issue. You can practice saying in the mirror, something like, 'Please don't call me when I'm not on duty, call whoever is oncall. I won't be answering in the future.' And then don't pick up when she does call.
Edit- I just re-read that you have to answer just in case it's an emergency. Then pickup, ask if it's an emergency, if what they say sounds like it's not an emergency say 'that's not an emergency' and hang up. End of edit.
If she has a comeback, repeat or walk away if you can. If you can't, say ' there's nothing else to say about it' and change the subject or pick up a paper, a book and go do something else. Don't engage in any arguments or further conversation regarding the topic. Simple, straightforward solution, but maybe not easy. This is about learning to assert yourself. Practice saying that and you should be fine.
It's ok for pple to be annoyed, mad, to not like our boundaries. It's all good. All you need to do is assert yourself, then follow through.
The problem is....this doesnt always come in voice calls. Sometimes it comes as messages ....
I think I need to set my messenger Apk so that it doesn't show when I'm online. Yep.
Thanks for the advise.
I just....gotta remind myself that I don't have to feel guilty asserting my personal boundaries; even if the person I'm talking to is a woman.
Even if its a random pretty woman, doesn't mean I have to keep doing favours at the expense of my personal time.
You're right...I probably got to look in the mirror and make a mantra.
Mantra: "My personal time is valuable. I don't have to respond to nonessential work calls when I'm off duty."
Mantra 2: I am no longer an intern. I am on the same payscale as everyone else; I dont have to take orders from my equals. It is Ok to say no to an unreasonable request.