My life is just pure agony at this point - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 09:47 PM Thread Starter
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My life is just pure agony at this point


My life sucks and I know it all goes back to my parents and how I developed severe social anxiety as a child. My life is utterly ruined by it. I had so much potential. I am now nearing 50 and have zero money. Full time job that pays nothing, I am looking for a new job and not having any luck, low pay again and no real skills. I live with parents due to a divorce years ago. I am now at the point where i am extremely lonely and miserable and feel as if my life is just agony to get through. I only have one close friend but she doesn't even talk to me anymore or do anything with me. My parents are utterly negative and miserable to live with. I literally clench my muscles together whenever I walk into their house. I dread going home when I am out somewhere!

I thought I would make money and move out eventually. I am also in debt financially and have nothing to show. And I don't spend money recklessly or anything. I have no other relatives in the area and even if I did they are all not really fun to be around either, very nosy, and you can't be yourself around them.
I wear things to make others happy, and I never became who I want to be. At this point it seems like too much work and I need money to even get to where I want to be. I have kids but I feel as if I never really was or could be a parent. My parents controlled me and even punished me in front of them for years! They would tell me to go to my room at 40 years old!! I now have no control over them and they listen to nothing I say and have no respect for me.

I hate when people ask me what I did over the weekend and I have nothing to say because i have no one to do things with! I want to travel, etc etc etc.
My only friend right now is a married man that I had an affair with. We recently got back together. That is how desperate I am. I will take anything I can get!
I wish I was never born.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-01-2019, 08:52 AM
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One thing I noticed about myself and others is that we are never happy because we are always comparing ourselves to others. Even if we donít intentionally do it, we still do subconsciously.

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer and heís younger than me. It put things in perspective for me because the most important thing in life is your health. If youíre feeling good, you have time to think about how messed up your life is but you do it comfortably. If youíre not feeling good, not even a million dollars and ten lovers will make you happy. I hate my situation in life too but at least Iím not sick or dying. Every minute that we are okay should be a blessing and we should try to relax a little. Thatís all I got to say.



I've been seeking happiness for years.
I've lived in hiding from the darkness.
I've spent so many hours in question.
I've prayed that God finds me soon.
Only to realize I must find myself.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-05-2019, 11:18 AM
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Take things one day at a time, things do change. Make positive steps forward could always be worse .

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-09-2019, 06:33 PM
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I am sorry you feel so bad.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 03:01 PM
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Thats a pretty awful situation, your parents are crummy, I'm sorry. Try not to continue the affair with him, there are plenty of men online, some are so understanding and nice, maybe if you connect with one you guys could become **** buddies if thats what you want or even maybe gf and bf.
I hope you can get out of there sometime, just try your best to figure things out, make a plan to get out of there..ask your relatives for help too..financial help.

ďMy case is not unique: I am afraid of dying and distressed at being in the world.Ē
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 09:44 PM
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Bring told to go to your room at 40...
Seems like my future. Unless I manage to somehow move out...
At least I won't have kids, as I won't have gf anytime. At least that makes me a bit glad, because I want neither of that...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 11:22 PM
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add some more woorrddzzzz??????


Myyyyyyyy> Miiiiiine? Alllllll miiiine youuuuuuuu??? Ya?Yoouurrrrrrrrzzz?
is? not? =/≠?

this??THAT???

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goo oNNNNNNNNNN!!!!


say!

1. Thread = "Agony" / unpleasant / nasty / inconnnveniennt???
2. orrrr compound in fossillised style? Deepen?

two sides of fence, for anyone. distill? one word? orrr numba o'syllables preferred? 500 words, paragraphs? Book, magazine? whitepaper?

IIIIIIII? I? MEEEE/MEEEEEEeeeee? only? just alllllllll about this universe at 1st person perspective 100%+?
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-11-2019, 10:04 PM
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It's the normies unsophisticated behavior that dwells deep within the inner thoughts. Knowing that they're not aware of their own actions in the environment. Fearing the threats behind the normies mentality that troubles the thoughts.

Multi-Agent Quantum AI Computers managing humanity 24/7 using Quantum Cryptography Satellites to run a thought interval to generate cryptographic keys to refresh key information into thoughts to channel the communication 24/7.

NSA Software Engineers computionally remapping buildings, jobs, relationships, wealth, education, and income using bio intelligence system to manage citizens time & events in their own environment.


The real creator gave the programmers restricted technologies.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-12-2019, 01:54 PM
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I'm sorry you feel that way , and i hope you feel better soon.


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