My last therapist had a flaw. (long if you care to read) - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 05:55 PM Thread Starter
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My last therapist had a flaw. (long if you care to read)

Just recently, I left my current therapist to go back to my last therapist for I missed my last therapist. My current therapist was experiencing countertransference to me as I told him my decision. I told him that I'll miss him too as well. Then I went back to my last therapist and at first we had an interview to discuss goals in therapy and the cost of it. Before working with him, he cost $70 a session. Then all of a sudden he increased it to $140. I thought that's ridiculous but he slide scale the cost to $100. Still expensive. I thought at least I know for sure I am going to work on myself and not be money raped. So in the interview, I gave him a list of my personal and professional goals to share with him so he can understand how goal oriented in life and how I wanted so much in life especially the close, solid, meaningful friend. I also gave him a silly "too high for a potential friend/girlfriend" list that I wanted to discuss later in therapy. At that point, it was really good to see him for I missed him so much.

What bothered me afterwards was when I was journaling. I got mad at him for he pathologized a so called friend that I met in a mental health support group. This person was trying to get her kids back. This person doesn't share any of my values, beliefs, interests, and worldview though I cling to anyone that produces the sense of belonging to me. Anyway I would do stuff with this person. In trying my best to be supportive to her in helping her with getting her kids back. I remember I was in her apartment and read cards, get well cards from her parents and in the cards it said, they wanted to see her get her kids back. Another card from her older sister said the same thing too. All this has a point later on. Just wait. Also I remember traveling with her to her various mental health programs one time in gathering her certificates/diplomas from different programs of good parenting and mental health. This also has a point later on. Just wait. I also appeared at one of her court meetings in support of her. This also has a point. Just wait. As I have suffered from mental health symptoms since adolescence, I know a lot about personal suffering. , and I know from doing therapy, reading a lot of Psychology on my own particular humanistic and developmental people can outgrow their symptoms. I really believe this. Anyway, back to my last therapist who got paid from the city to do the diagnosis. I bet he was paid a lot of money to do diagnosis. He didn't understand completely that everybody has the capacity to grow as a person. Or he does understand yet his greed over money is too intense for him rather than understanding people. Or he's selective on who he has compassion for. Anyway, the diagnosis was horrible and really negative. I asked my so called friend if I could see the diagnosis and she didn't want me too for it was that negative. That negative. Anyway what bother me was when my last therapist was in the courtroom too as well. He said something so negative that really irritated me to the point that I shouldn't be working with him at all. He describing his pathologizing diagnosis he said something, the most unRogerian words (Carl Rogers was a therapist who believes a lot of people can grow despite their symptoms, even psychotics can grow he believes). Anyway those unRogerian words were, "The apple doesn't fall farther from the tree." What the hell? What the hell does that suppose to mean? Doesn't signify human growth and potential at all. What an idiot? It doesn't make sense so I got angry at him as I remember everything while writing on my journal. The next session, I gave him a slip of paper with my mom's name and address to pay the $200 for his services and read outloud my 3rd person perspective grievance calling him a pathologizer and this whole story plus what I want in therapy and in a therapist. When I read it, I cried. I don't want to work with a pathologizer. I want to work with someone who is authentic, caring, compassionate, and Rogerian. After I read it, my last therapist, the pathologizer couldn't say anything back for I guess it was true. Those words that came out of his mouth that day. Despite what I said, he still wanted me as a client. He still liked me still. I do too but I can't work with him because of this flaw of pathologizing people. Who knows how many other people he has pathologized and end people up in jail, probation, losing custody over someone. The works. Pathetic. I'm so sad. Anyway I was in a very harsh mean tone. Session was ending and as I left I said something extremely harsh. I said something like, "Only a client like me that has suffering his own personal suffering of mental health issues and symptoms and has outgrow most of his dysfunctional symptoms and wants to continue to grow as a person, is majoring in Psychology and wants to do peer support as a career can say that (the letter) to a pathologizer like you." Afterwards, in the morning the next day, I felt remorse, and called him and left a voice message apologizing to my tone and if I harm him in anyway. I said also, I think both of us want something. One you still wanting me as a client still and two me wanting autheticity from you. I think both can probably happen yet there's more reliance on your part. I then wished him the best in life with his family, friends, coworkers, and clients. then that was it. It was over. I then called my current therapist and met with him and discussed everything about it. And he understood which felt good. And so I'm back with him now. So. Yeah. That's my story on my last therapist. I don't expect any replies but I just needed to vent. That's all. Thanks if you read it all. I appreciate it.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 06:16 PM
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The only thing that made your post hard to read was the big paragraph (I read more easily with more paragraphs). It was a good read though.

Are you sure he was implying that you couldn't change? Could he have been referring to there being limits to the degree to which someone might change? For instance, most people with SA can dramatically improve, but that doesn't mean they can all become extremely social loverboys or lovergirls. It could theoretically happen, but it's more realistic to expect to improve to a more or less "normal" level of social anxiety.

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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 07:46 PM
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i cant read monster paragraphs

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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 08:04 PM
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It's great that your current therapist understands, then. I wouldn't worry too much about the former therapist.. if you're right, he deserved to hear that, and if you're wrong, he'd understand you didn't mean to sound too upset if you did sound that way, know what I mean?
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-30-2007, 08:48 PM
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re: My last therapist had a flaw. (long if you care to read)

Remember, they don't make any money off you, if you get better...they make money by having you come back over and over with repeated business. That's why it can never take just one visit. Never...

I've been to several therapists, and not one of them told me anything I haven't read in a book.
Imagine charging someone $115 dollars, for not even a full hour, and not being able to give them something new.
They have a lot of excuse making. "Only you can help you." Okay, then why I am here paying YOU?
How come, for that kind of money, I am not getting something really new? How come they charge more than a doctor charges?

Just talking about things gets old. Talk without solutions. Because they can't give you any answers. So it's a circle...they don't know more than we do. So we learn to look at our own problems and deal with them./
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-01-2007, 03:22 PM
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Have you read self-help books, or actual psychological theory? They tell you the same things because most therapy has not to do with acknowledging facts, but conditioning your emotions and behavior. It takes a long time for you to build up negative responses and so it takes a long time to change those responses (unless you're an extraordinary human being in that regard). That's the way it works with most of us.

It really is all about the choices we make. In most other medicine it's only about straight-forward mechanical biology. The problem is that humans are deeper mentally than your average dog that will follow orders for a treat. Often our emotions are even beyond us (initially). Therapy creates an environment where we feel comfortable exploring our deepest feelings. It's true that we give psychologists power, who are there because of their experience with the workings of the human mind, but that's no reason to become paranoid. There's no conspiracy here; psychological science has shown itself to be sound if you just look around you at the people who need therapy but won't try it. As always it's about finding someone trust-worthy; even medical doctors have gotten away with willful cruelty and all sorts of things. All it takes it self-awareness and intelligence to know if a an individual psychologist is jerking you around. Plenty of them are there as scientists trying to find the truth, or as compassionate health professionals who care about people.

Thing is, therapy doesn't work for everyone. You have to be open to it and have some understanding of how it works. It does work for some people though. If it's not working for you then don't go. It's as simple as that. They can't force you to give them your money. Someone can however trick you if you're gullible and weak.

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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 08-01-2007, 08:44 PM Thread Starter
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Sorry about the long paragraph. What I was talking about was my last therapist liked to "pathologized" people for no good reason but for the money he gets from the city to do so. That was my point. Any diagnoses is suppose to help a patient or client to understand his/her symptoms not mindless pathologizing to label someone and prevent them from actually growth. That was my point.
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