My gf wont let me leave. - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 11:28 PM Thread Starter
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My gf wont let me leave.


I met this girl 2 years ago. We started dating. Now we have been together 2 years and have lived together for over a year.

When we moved in we agreed to split all expenses. In the beginning everything was fine. A few months in she tells me she needs money for this and for that etc...

I ended up paying for 90% of all expenses. Ranging from her medical bills, car payments, food, rent, etc...

Although it sucked, for the most part I was fine. She makes half what I make (I only make $1150/2weeks) so I tried to be understanding.

She always told me "dont worry, I will help you out once Im back on my feet." I believed her.

About 3 months ago she bought herself a new car. She has terrible credit, a negative equity trade in, so her monthly payment was $730/mo for 6 years.

This is what opened my eyes. She makes at most $1200 per month, add in $250/mo for insurance and her car cost her $980/mo. That leaves her with $200 that she will probably spend on shoes.

After this i just felt used. I felt like she never had any intentions on helping me out. She just saw me as an ATM.

Her old car only cost her $200 per month, she convince me to pay $3000 on her old car just on the down payment and fixing it and she just traded it in like 5 months.

Over the 16months we have been living together. I spent about $30,000. I spent 15k from my savings and Im currently 15k in cc debt. I spent probably more than (probably 50k) that but I lost track already.

I currently live paycheck to paycheck, just paying off bills. I have nothing. Our relationship is on it's last leg. She always acuses me of cheating even though I can't even talk to a girl. lol

She always tells me, "I love you, youre the only one i have etc..." but now that I look back she says she loves me but never shows it.

She doesn't want me to leave her. She cries when i tell her i dont love her and im only with her because of the lease. Idk what to think, idk if those tears are geniune or she is fooling me.

I've been working 12hr shifts at work for a while now. Sometimes I ask her to cook the dogs food for me (it's usually my job) and she will argue that she fed them in the morning that it's not her job etc. So I'm up late cooking for the dogs, while she watches netflix. I get very little sleep and have to work for 12 hours. While she works like 6hrs and starts like at 10am.

That's not love, i already paid for the food, and netflix, and the tv, she could at least help me out when im exhaused.


Anyways back to the title.
I have grown to really despise her. My name and her name is on the lease and she refuses to drop my name (both parties have to agree to drop a name). I dont want to be around her. I want her out of my life.

I feel bitter about losing so much money on a girl i feel is selfish. I wouldn't mind it if the girl actually cared about me, but i feel like she doesnt.

Maybe im wrong? I left out a lot so the story probably doesn't make sense, but i feel like I gave her all my trust and she betrayed me. Am i overreacting? Is it my fault?

*I drove away from my apartment for a few hours to write this, she went out looking for me (and brought all her friends), found me, and we had an argument in front of all of her friends. Great.

She always thinks im cheating on her, but most of the time im just typing on this forum. Lol
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 01:41 AM
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Forget about dropping your name from the lease, because it sounds like you're better off declaring bankruptcy anyway. Just get out of there and get a restraining order if necessary. Whatever period of rent until the end of your lease the landlord can sue you for, it'll just be another thing for the bankruptcy judge to factor in. Then start living responsibly without any credit cards or loans or financial vampire girlfriends.

The fact that you'd be okay with it if you felt she loved you indicates you may not have matured enough to save your life, though. And your inability to recognize that the previous car was already way more extravagant than she needed ($1000 is plenty to own a car outright), etc.

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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 05:03 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul View Post
Forget about dropping your name from the lease, because it sounds like you're better off declaring bankruptcy anyway. Just get out of there and get a restraining order if necessary. Whatever period of rent until the end of your lease the landlord can sue you for, it'll just be another thing for the bankruptcy judge to factor in. Then start living responsibly without any credit cards or loans or financial vampire girlfriends.

The fact that you'd be okay with it if you felt she loved you indicates you may not have matured enough to save your life, though. And your inability to recognize that the previous car was already way more extravagant than she needed ($1000 is plenty to own a car outright), etc.
I feel like 15k in debt isn't enough to declare bankruptcy. I can easily pay that back if I get a second job (which I will in a couple of weeks). It honestly sounds like a huge pain in the ***, I rather just pay it back. At least I'll have a great credit score after I pay it back.

She was my first gf, and I was just a clueless child. I just felt really bad for her when her stepped dad kicked her out and her mother didn't even help her. Then I got to know the real her. I mean if you can't help financially at least do something around the house, nope she's just lazy.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 05:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Milk View Post
I feel like 15k in debt isn't enough to declare bankruptcy. I can easily pay that back if I get a second job (which I will in a couple of weeks). It honestly sounds like a huge pain in the ***, I rather just pay it back. At least I'll have a great credit score after I pay it back.

She was my first gf, and I was just a clueless child. I just felt really bad for her when her stepped dad kicked her out and her mother didn't even help her. Then I got to know the real her. I mean if you can't help financially at least do something around the house, nope she's just lazy.
Fifteen grand is nothing. Don't declare bankruptcy over a tiny amount like that. Pay it back.

Don't let anyone use you - least of all just for money. Find a woman that still loves you when she knows you have nothing - all the others are a waste of your time.

As for this girl - as long as you're sure she's using you? Delete her from your life - and do it properly.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 08:12 AM
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If you;re not happy and don't think the relationship can work out then you need to leave her.


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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 08:50 AM
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how much longer is the lease? is it a one bedroom place?

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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-13-2019, 01:57 PM
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Stop paying her bills, don't renew the lease and cut her off your life. Also, cooking for dogs?

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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-13-2019, 03:20 PM
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I'd drop her name from the lease.

She is too emotionally dependent. You were as well, but it sounds like you have grown enough to know that something is wrong with the relationship. She needs to learn to stand on her own.


It's big reason I won't enter a relationship; I'd fear getting into the same situation. I wanted to learn to stand on my own two feet. Now, I am realizing I can't do it all myself.

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