My gf wont let me leave. - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-11-2019, 11:28 PM Thread Starter
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My gf wont let me leave.


I met this girl 2 years ago. We started dating. Now we have been together 2 years and have lived together for over a year.

When we moved in we agreed to split all expenses. In the beginning everything was fine. A few months in she tells me she needs money for this and for that etc...

I ended up paying for 90% of all expenses. Ranging from her medical bills, car payments, food, rent, etc...

Although it sucked, for the most part I was fine. She makes half what I make (I only make $1150/2weeks) so I tried to be understanding.

She always told me "dont worry, I will help you out once Im back on my feet." I believed her.

About 3 months ago she bought herself a new car. She has terrible credit, a negative equity trade in, so her monthly payment was $730/mo for 6 years.

This is what opened my eyes. She makes at most $1200 per month, add in $250/mo for insurance and her car cost her $980/mo. That leaves her with $200 that she will probably spend on shoes.

After this i just felt used. I felt like she never had any intentions on helping me out. She just saw me as an ATM.

Her old car only cost her $200 per month, she convince me to pay $3000 on her old car just on the down payment and fixing it and she just traded it in like 5 months.

Over the 16months we have been living together. I spent about $30,000. I spent 15k from my savings and Im currently 15k in cc debt. I spent probably more than (probably 50k) that but I lost track already.

I currently live paycheck to paycheck, just paying off bills. I have nothing. Our relationship is on it's last leg. She always acuses me of cheating even though I can't even talk to a girl. lol

She always tells me, "I love you, youre the only one i have etc..." but now that I look back she says she loves me but never shows it.

She doesn't want me to leave her. She cries when i tell her i dont love her and im only with her because of the lease. Idk what to think, idk if those tears are geniune or she is fooling me.

I've been working 12hr shifts at work for a while now. Sometimes I ask her to cook the dogs food for me (it's usually my job) and she will argue that she fed them in the morning that it's not her job etc. So I'm up late cooking for the dogs, while she watches netflix. I get very little sleep and have to work for 12 hours. While she works like 6hrs and starts like at 10am.

That's not love, i already paid for the food, and netflix, and the tv, she could at least help me out when im exhaused.


Anyways back to the title.
I have grown to really despise her. My name and her name is on the lease and she refuses to drop my name (both parties have to agree to drop a name). I dont want to be around her. I want her out of my life.

I feel bitter about losing so much money on a girl i feel is selfish. I wouldn't mind it if the girl actually cared about me, but i feel like she doesnt.

Maybe im wrong? I left out a lot so the story probably doesn't make sense, but i feel like I gave her all my trust and she betrayed me. Am i overreacting? Is it my fault?

*I drove away from my apartment for a few hours to write this, she went out looking for me (and brought all her friends), found me, and we had an argument in front of all of her friends. Great.

She always thinks im cheating on her, but most of the time im just typing on this forum. Lol
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 01:41 AM
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Forget about dropping your name from the lease, because it sounds like you're better off declaring bankruptcy anyway. Just get out of there and get a restraining order if necessary. Whatever period of rent until the end of your lease the landlord can sue you for, it'll just be another thing for the bankruptcy judge to factor in. Then start living responsibly without any credit cards or loans or financial vampire girlfriends.

The fact that you'd be okay with it if you felt she loved you indicates you may not have matured enough to save your life, though. And your inability to recognize that the previous car was already way more extravagant than she needed ($1000 is plenty to own a car outright), etc.

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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 05:03 AM Thread Starter
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Forget about dropping your name from the lease, because it sounds like you're better off declaring bankruptcy anyway. Just get out of there and get a restraining order if necessary. Whatever period of rent until the end of your lease the landlord can sue you for, it'll just be another thing for the bankruptcy judge to factor in. Then start living responsibly without any credit cards or loans or financial vampire girlfriends.

The fact that you'd be okay with it if you felt she loved you indicates you may not have matured enough to save your life, though. And your inability to recognize that the previous car was already way more extravagant than she needed ($1000 is plenty to own a car outright), etc.
I feel like 15k in debt isn't enough to declare bankruptcy. I can easily pay that back if I get a second job (which I will in a couple of weeks). It honestly sounds like a huge pain in the ***, I rather just pay it back. At least I'll have a great credit score after I pay it back.

She was my first gf, and I was just a clueless child. I just felt really bad for her when her stepped dad kicked her out and her mother didn't even help her. Then I got to know the real her. I mean if you can't help financially at least do something around the house, nope she's just lazy.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 05:47 AM
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I feel like 15k in debt isn't enough to declare bankruptcy. I can easily pay that back if I get a second job (which I will in a couple of weeks). It honestly sounds like a huge pain in the ***, I rather just pay it back. At least I'll have a great credit score after I pay it back.

She was my first gf, and I was just a clueless child. I just felt really bad for her when her stepped dad kicked her out and her mother didn't even help her. Then I got to know the real her. I mean if you can't help financially at least do something around the house, nope she's just lazy.
Fifteen grand is nothing. Don't declare bankruptcy over a tiny amount like that. Pay it back.

Don't let anyone use you - least of all just for money. Find a woman that still loves you when she knows you have nothing - all the others are a waste of your time.

As for this girl - as long as you're sure she's using you? Delete her from your life - and do it properly.
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 08:12 AM
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If you;re not happy and don't think the relationship can work out then you need to leave her.


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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-12-2019, 08:50 AM
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how much longer is the lease? is it a one bedroom place?

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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-13-2019, 01:57 PM
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Stop paying her bills, don't renew the lease and cut her off your life. Also, cooking for dogs?

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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-13-2019, 03:20 PM
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I'd drop her name from the lease.

She is too emotionally dependent. You were as well, but it sounds like you have grown enough to know that something is wrong with the relationship. She needs to learn to stand on her own.


It's big reason I won't enter a relationship; I'd fear getting into the same situation. I wanted to learn to stand on my own two feet. Now, I am realizing I can't do it all myself.

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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-17-2019, 06:24 AM
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I think she has been milking you dry. I would drop her like a hot potato. I don't think this is the type of romantic relationship you want to be in but maybe you were desperate for attention because you couldn't find it anywhere else.
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 02:29 PM
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You sounds like a very wonderful man. Your gf was taking advantage od you and sounds toxic if its that bad just break up and maybe stay with family save and get a place on your own.

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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 05:34 PM
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You are not alone.
I am in a similar relationship. Never been so sad and angry in my life. She came from another state and she has been alone here until we met. She has no friends here and her family is far away. I thought that must be hard for her financially and emotionally, but I realize she is very destructive and gets really angry with people for small reasons. So nobody stays around her for long. Just me. I help her in every aspect she needs. I paid many times her rent and food. Well, anytime she will find a good job. But no. She keeps jumping from one job to another because no job is good for her. She always want to be the right one.
I saved a good amount of money last year and all disappear because of her. I am ending the year in debt. I surely feel guilty sometimes to blame her, however she always ask me to buy her unnecessary things. I have no problem buying those things, but it sucks when we are short in money. I've tracked my dispenses this year and I couldn't believe how much I've spent in petshops. She has almost no money and adopted 2 dogs when she already has one, 7 hamsters and 2 birds! She claims she saved those animals from mistraits, but I was the one who payed the medicines and vaccines. I was dumb. Fortunately, I found another home for those pets. I'm getting less flexible with her, though she cries most of the time and says that her life is not easy, has no family or friends. I wish I were not so soft hearted.
I don't wanna keep my life this way, so I gonna end this relationship next month.

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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 05:42 PM
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@10k @2Milk

Jesus Christ, how do people like this exist?

I wouldn't believe anyone could be so entitled but I have a friend whose boyfriend was just like that. She earned all the money and he contributed nothing. Thankfully he's an ex now, good riddance.

Dump your loser deadbeat partners and block on everything!
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 06:05 PM
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@leaf in the wind I ask this question everyday.

I truly hope she finds somebody else. But I'll still be worried how she is doing.
My health is not good too. I gained weight (she loves to eat junk food and gets angry when I deny it). I certanly have gastritis now because I have to solve her problems all the time. I get extremly anxious now when my phone rings cause I think it is some trouble to deal - and majority it is. I am paranoid with phone calls now.

Thanks for your reply

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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 06:08 PM
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Might as well slip in a positive pregnancy test so that she can really have you wrapped around her finger.
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 06:19 PM
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@leaf in the wind I ask this question everyday.

I truly hope she finds somebody else. But I'll still be worried how she is doing.
My health is not good too. I gained weight (she loves to eat junk food and gets angry when I deny it). I certanly have gastritis now because I have to solve her problems all the time. I get extremly anxious now when my phone rings cause I think it is some trouble to deal - and majority it is. I am paranoid with phone calls now.

Thanks for your reply
I hope she learns to support and care for herself before finding someone else to continue being a leech and emotional vampire. But if someone is okay with taking that on, all the power to them I guess.

You have the patience and kindness of a saint!
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-13-2020, 03:28 PM
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I met this girl 2 years ago. We started dating. Now we have been together 2 years and have lived together for over a year.

When we moved in we agreed to split all expenses. In the beginning everything was fine. A few months in she tells me she needs money for this and for that etc...

I ended up paying for 90% of all expenses. Ranging from her medical bills, car payments, food, rent, etc...

Although it sucked, for the most part I was fine. She makes half what I make (I only make $1150/2weeks) so I tried to be understanding.

She always told me "dont worry, I will help you out once Im back on my feet." I believed her.

About 3 months ago she bought herself a new car. She has terrible credit, a negative equity trade in, so her monthly payment was $730/mo for 6 years.

This is what opened my eyes. She makes at most $1200 per month, add in $250/mo for insurance and her car cost her $980/mo. That leaves her with $200 that she will probably spend on shoes.

After this i just felt used. I felt like she never had any intentions on helping me out. She just saw me as an ATM.

Her old car only cost her $200 per month, she convince me to pay $3000 on her old car just on the down payment and fixing it and she just traded it in like 5 months.

Over the 16months we have been living together. I spent about $30,000. I spent 15k from my savings and Im currently 15k in cc debt. I spent probably more than (probably 50k) that but I lost track already.

I currently live paycheck to paycheck, just paying off bills. I have nothing. Our relationship is on it's last leg. She always acuses me of cheating even though I can't even talk to a girl. lol

She always tells me, "I love you, youre the only one i have etc..." but now that I look back she says she loves me but never shows it.

She doesn't want me to leave her. She cries when i tell her i dont love her and im only with her because of the lease. Idk what to think, idk if those tears are geniune or she is fooling me.

I've been working 12hr shifts at work for a while now. Sometimes I ask her to cook the dogs food for me (it's usually my job) and she will argue that she fed them in the morning that it's not her job etc. So I'm up late cooking for the dogs, while she watches netflix. I get very little sleep and have to work for 12 hours. While she works like 6hrs and starts like at 10am.

That's not love, i already paid for the food, and netflix, and the tv, she could at least help me out when im exhaused.


Anyways back to the title.
I have grown to really despise her. My name and her name is on the lease and she refuses to drop my name (both parties have to agree to drop a name). I dont want to be around her. I want her out of my life.

I feel bitter about losing so much money on a girl i feel is selfish. I wouldn't mind it if the girl actually cared about me, but i feel like she doesnt.

Maybe im wrong? I left out a lot so the story probably doesn't make sense, but i feel like I gave her all my trust and she betrayed me. Am i overreacting? Is it my fault?

*I drove away from my apartment for a few hours to write this, she went out looking for me (and brought all her friends), found me, and we had an argument in front of all of her friends. Great.

She always thinks im cheating on her, but most of the time im just typing on this forum. Lol
Leave her asap, and never let anyone use u like that again. Iím talking from personal exp, never loan money to anyone unless u are happy giving away like $20 here and there. She is 100% using u for ur money .

U learned a valuable life lesson...donít let any friend or girl use u like that

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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-14-2020, 05:45 PM
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Throw her into trash can. She belongs there, it's wouldn't be bad for her to realise where is her real place and where she actually belongs once and for all (hopefully). She sounds so worthless...

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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 10:09 PM
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@10k @2Milk

Jesus Christ, how do people like this exist?

I wouldn't believe anyone could be so entitled but I have a friend whose boyfriend was just like that. She earned all the money and he contributed nothing. Thankfully he's an ex now, good riddance.

Dump your loser deadbeat partners and block on everything!
I did and it felt so good &#x1f642;

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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 11:43 AM
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She sound like a gold digger.


It would be wise of you to wait until your lease is up to leave her unless you are willing to risk consequences. What are your options? Could you stay with a family member or a friend while you pay the remainder of your lease away from her? Remember you could break your lease. This is a last resort.


Best to wait it out until your lease is up. {Funny I had asked my Mom's advice on this matter of yours. She said wait til the lease is up}
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EDIT: Why do people bring up old threads when the person haven't even replayed back recently?O.o
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