My Brothers gf forcing me to dance in their wedding - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 04:27 AM
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She sounds like a bridezilla throwing a temper tantrum.
It's worse than that actually. She's manipulative AND doesn't actually care about her brother. Her leverage was "I won't actually marry this guy." which is so messed up in so many different ways. It would make my skin crawl in that situation.
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post #22 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 06:02 AM
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Don't dance, and save your brother from a pretty annoying wife from the looks of it.





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post #23 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 08:22 AM
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You can always practice the dance extra. It has health benefits of you working out the nerves, becoming more confident in yourself and the dance, plus weight loss.


It can be a win win. It's also family, so there is a lot less judgment. They might actually like seeing you out there instead of isolating.

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post #24 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 10:04 AM Thread Starter
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You can always practice the dance extra. It has health benefits of you working out the nerves, becoming more confident in yourself and the dance, plus weight loss.


It can be a win win. It's also family, so there is a lot less judgment. They might actually like seeing you out there instead of isolating.
I wouldnt call a group of 300+ (I was wrong when I said 100) my family. I don't know 99% of these people. Anyways, wish I could dance but I have no agility frankly and extreme stage fright makes things worse..blanks my mind....I did try dancing on the streets in his previous wedding and people laughed their *** off later (not to mention the looks I got from people at the event) when they saw the wedding video...anyways let's c if I can force myself joining a dance class...learning a few moves is still different from dancing to entire Bollywood song!

https://youtu.be/tbkTiVzrwLQ
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post #25 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 12:08 PM
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I wouldnt call a group of 300+ (I was wrong when I said 100) my family. I don't know 99% of these people. Anyways, wish I could dance but I have no agility frankly and extreme stage fright makes things worse..blanks my mind....I did try dancing on the streets in his previous wedding and people laughed their *** off later (not to mention the looks I got from people at the event) when they saw the wedding video...anyways let's c if I can force myself joining a dance class...learning a few moves is still different from dancing to entire Bollywood song!

https://youtu.be/tbkTiVzrwLQ
He's been married before?


I still think you can do this. It might actually be fun. You wouldn't be dancing alone or anything. There may even be some girls checking you out!

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post #26 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 12:27 PM
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You can always practice the dance extra. It has health benefits of you working out the nerves, becoming more confident in yourself and the dance, plus weight loss.


It can be a win win. It's also family, so there is a lot less judgment. They might actually like seeing you out there instead of isolating.
At the point where his brother's fiance threatened him is the point where it stopped being about dancing. What she wanted him to do has zero relevancy here. She could be asking him to go to the store and pick up a few drinks and my answer would be the same: don't associate with this kind of person.


If what you said is true, then she's a toxic human being that you shouldn't want anywhere in your life.
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post #27 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 01:16 PM
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Get plastered and dance with her!

Seriously though, no one can force you to do anything you don't want to (unless you're a minor, incarcerated, etc. - the scenarios you don't seem to be).

"No" is a complete sentence.
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post #28 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 04:56 PM
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The only wedding I remember going to to was someone I knew at uni (well technically I knew both of them at that point,) and nobody had to dance I don't think. I mostly remember sitting around with people drinking or walking (it happened in a hotel with a bar.) I didn't know anyone there besides the other people from uni, which made it better because we all just sat together and for the most part mutually ignored their family. Some of my extended family have married over the last few years but I avoided going to those. This sounds like more of a nightmare, and going to weddings at all is a nightmare in the first place so hopefully you can tactically avoid dancing. I really can't imagine needing someone to dance in the first place isn't going enough? People are so weird and that's coming from me.

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post #29 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 05:08 PM
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The only wedding I remember going to to was someone I knew at uni (well technically I knew both of them at that point,) and nobody had to dance I don't think. I mostly remember sitting around with people drinking or walking (it happened in a hotel with a bar.) I didn't know anyone there besides the other people from uni, which made it better because we all just sat together and for the most part mutually ignored their family. Some of my extended family have married over the last few years but I avoided going to those. This sounds like more of a nightmare, and going to weddings at all is a nightmare in the first place so hopefully you can tactically avoid dancing. I really can't imagine needing someone to dance in the first place isn't going enough? People are so weird and that's coming from me.
At my wedding my wife and I had to go out onto the dance floor and dance on our own for a bit before everyone else joined in. It was terrible - lucky I was very heavily medicated. I think that's pretty standard practice at weddings - our's was fairly traditional even though it wasn't in a church.

I just sort of hung on to my wife and hoped it would all end fairly soon. (it was a stressful situation all round)

I even had to give a speech - but I think my best friend was supposed to do it. (cheeky [email protected]) That was terrible too.
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post #30 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 05:14 PM
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At my wedding my wife and I had to go out onto the dance floor and dance on our own for a bit before everyone else joined in. It was terrible - lucky I was very heavily medicated. I think that's pretty standard practice at weddings - our's was fairly traditional even though it wasn't in a church.

I just sort of hung on to my wife and hoped it would all end fairly soon. (it was a stressful situation all round)

I even had to give a speech - but I think my best friend was supposed to do it. (cheeky [email protected]) That was terrible too.
Oh yeah I think the bride and groom generally have to dance.

Most of the traditions are kind of dumb because a lot of people struggle with them. At the wedding I went to we all knew the bride more than the groom and so the groom ended up asking this one guy to be his best man which must have been very awkward for him because he didn't know him well but didn't want to turn him down. So he ended up getting a pre-written speech from someone working at the hotel (who I guess, has to do this often enough, that it was a thing he did not just for this specific instance.)

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post #31 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 05:25 PM
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Oh yeah I think the bride and groom generally have to dance.

Most of the traditions are kind of dumb because a lot of people struggle with them. At the wedding I went to we all knew the bride more than the groom and so the groom ended up asking this one guy to be his best man which must have been very awkward for him because he didn't know him well but didn't want to turn him down. So he ended up getting a pre-written speech from someone working at the hotel (who I guess, has to do this often enough, that it was a thing he did not just for this specific instance.)
I can't believe how stressful weddings are - they're just terrible. Even my wife was very stressed out - I had to stop the car when we did that driving away thing so we could yell at each other for a while.

Then she spent the whole flight to Singapore looking like she wanted to stab me with something. Jesus that woman's got a temper.
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post #32 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 06:12 PM
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At the point where his brother's fiance threatened him is the point where it stopped being about dancing. What she wanted him to do has zero relevancy here. She could be asking him to go to the store and pick up a few drinks and my answer would be the same: don't associate with this kind of person.


If what you said is true, then she's a toxic human being that you shouldn't want anywhere in your life.



That decision is for the brother.


He should do the dance to support his brother.

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post #33 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 06:25 PM Thread Starter
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The wedding is still 2.5 months and is already giving me nightmares. Could hardly sleep last night. Weddings have never been good for me. Still remember going to a cousin's wedding long back...couldn't talk to many people...just stayed away from all events...barely managed to wish the couple..was so nervous that I could hardly stand with them and have my picture taken...wanted the moment to just end quickly
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post #34 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-27-2020, 07:43 PM
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That decision is for the brother.

He should do the dance to support his brother.
Absolutely not. Just because other people want you to be around toxic people doesn't mean you need to. That makes them by extension toxic. Even if it's wedding, birthday, whatever.
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post #35 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-28-2020, 12:34 PM
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Absolutely not. Just because other people want you to be around toxic people doesn't mean you need to. That makes them by extension toxic. Even if it's wedding, birthday, whatever.
It's a wedding. He can boycott them later.


I say - shake a tail feather and look good doing it to the ladies. Then, he could find his own wife.

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post #36 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-28-2020, 01:42 PM
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Absolutely not. Just because other people want you to be around toxic people doesn't mean you need to. That makes them by extension toxic. Even if it's wedding, birthday, whatever.
It's a wedding. He can boycott them later.


I say - shake a tail feather and look good doing it to the ladies. Then, he could find his own wife.
Everyone drinks anyway haha.
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post #37 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-28-2020, 02:10 PM
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The wedding is still 2.5 months and is already giving me nightmares. Could hardly sleep last night. Weddings have never been good for me. Still remember going to a cousin's wedding long back...couldn't talk to many people...just stayed away from all events...barely managed to wish the couple..was so nervous that I could hardly stand with them and have my picture taken...wanted the moment to just end quickly

seriously just...


you don't have to go
you don't have to stay the whole time
you don't have to dance
you don't have to talk to people
you don't have to enjoy it

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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post #38 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-28-2020, 09:31 PM
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Would be hard - he does sort of have to go, it's a big deal probably with the family. I can understand that. Personally I think I'd take some extra medication and try and learn the dance - if you can manage to relax you might even enjoy it a bit like @milleniumman75 said.
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post #39 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-28-2020, 09:51 PM Thread Starter
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Absolutely not. Just because other people want you to be around toxic people doesn't mean you need to. That makes them by extension toxic. Even if it's wedding, birthday, whatever.
It's a wedding. He can boycott them later.


I say - shake a tail feather and look good doing it to the ladies. Then, he could find his own wife.
Everyone drinks anyway haha.
Guess what, there arnt any drinks...it's a non alcoholic, vegetarian wedding....so I can't even drink away my misery if I want to which I usually do at weddings.
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post #40 of 74 (permalink) Old 01-28-2020, 09:55 PM
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Would be hard - he does sort of have to go, it's a big deal probably with the family. I can understand that. Personally I think I'd take some extra medication and try and learn the dance - if you can manage to relax you might even enjoy it a bit like @milleniumman75 said.

i hate that attitude. i hate the idea of family obligation. i still have it a bit but most of it i can ignore. i know i am projecting my own feelings a bit, but the OP did say they had nightmares over it, sound quite distressed. the idea that your family doesn't care to know about your feelings or they do know and don't care, and still force these obligations on you... obligations which have questionable value, you can still be happy for them, see them some other time, go and not dance, or anything you like. the threat to not go through with the marriage is just throwaway bull**** blackmail, that's disgusting. the real family obligation is to treat the family members like human beings, with feelings. no one can relax if they have their autonomy taken away from them. no one would treat someone so poorly if they respected them as a human with their own ****ing individual needs.


for some reason i'm extra pissed off with people mistreating other people right now (i mean i'm projecting , i'm pissed off with people mistreating me lol). but its not projecting if the person's actual experience is the same as mine (or to the degree that it is similar, its less projectingish)

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