Moaning about myself thread - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-15-2019, 02:07 PM Thread Starter
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Moaning about myself thread


Just want to vent but any advice is appreciated too. I've been thinking a lot about how hopeless and broken I am. Since about 14 years old social anxiety and depression has ruled my life now I'm 24 with no grades (I got kicked out of school but I'm actually really dumb and would have got bad grades anyway), no girlfriend (Im too ugly to date irl and have nothing to offer anyway) and soon I might have nowhere to live and no chance of a career or anything. Feel like I just ticked off the social anxiety cliche checklist lol. My social anxiety is really bad so I don't leave the house very much. I'm also not good at conversations even when I'm not anxious and I have no personality. It's not like I haven't tried to ease my social anxiety, I must have done CBT five separate times, I've tried all the meds offered to me, mindfulness, psychotherapy and still no improvement and I've tried my best in all of those. All of this led me to be in a psychiatric hospital earlier this year to keep myself safe after doing something stupid. So now I think there's no way for me to improve any of these areas. I don't think I'll be alive much longer because there's no hope for someone broken like me. Feel like there's loads more I could have included but don't want to bore you all to death and think I'm attention seeking.
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-16-2019, 01:51 PM
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You're obviously not dumb mate - and you're not ugly at all. I was going to say maybe try to do a course at some stage - is there something you might be interested in? So many options nowadays - and so many different ways to study. Nowadays you can do the course sitting in your bedroom pretty much - lots of online ways to do them.

I realise that's probably hard when you're feeling depressed though - but maybe it would give you a start. Or doing a bit of volunteer work etc?

I think the thing is to start slowly and then bit by bit try to improve your life.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-16-2019, 03:03 PM
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There is always Uni's that sometimes offer courses to help finish last years of high school.

Worse case you would need to do individual courses at a certain national level (private math teachers, etc) to be able to enter the above Uni courses.

Sometimes find if academic is hard for you to do, you are a practical person. So a course that teaches in a practical way is best (shown how it works in real life instead of reading in a text book and trying to understand how it works).

Practicāl way is the old way it was done until degrees became popular and every employer that pays a decent wage asks for one.

When there is a will, there is a way to change your life mate. Just you need a direction to go in life.

I think your distress, anxiety comes from the education thing and getting your life back on track.

Anxiety wise, try walking outside, then back inside.

Then try to walk to letterbox to gét mail.

Then do that when someone walks by and say hi.

Slowly build up your confidence over time.

Zera.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-16-2019, 03:13 PM
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idk about school. I spent many many years and still got no career at all. it's just social anxiety. no one will have me, I'm too uncomfortable around people. no matter how much I've studied etc. same goes for pretty much everything. looks I am below average, you are above average. but the anxiety situation wont allow anything anyway.

cant go through life as a disabled person pretending to be able. makes things much worse. people try to force you to pretend, and then you do it too. end status anxiety, accept a lower place in life. happiness is not dependent on these things. need to find similar people. others dont understand.

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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 04:49 AM
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Moaning about myself thread


It never seizes to amaze me just how similar all victims of SA really are. I was diagnosed with this disease exactly 10 years ago and had my life stolen and replaced with suffering at the exact same time as you. How crazy is that? In regards to not having a girlfriend because of your looks let me tell you, I happen to be a very good looking guy and therefore I receive a lot of female attention and compliments etc, especially on the internet because everything is so superficial but you know what? I also don't have a GF. Being good looking and knowing that women like me has yet to cure the trauma that I experienced growing up and with it my SA. Being good looking isn't worth anything. Being able to function like a normal human being is everything. An old therapist friend of mine ones told me, ”theres a lot of good looking guys in prison who don't get laid”. A very sad but in some ways true comparison.

I think that for people who have been cursed with a very difficult life we have to dig much deeper for sources of motivation then the average person. Our motivation has to be much more profound then simple goals. We have to give ourselves purpose. We have to give meaning to something that is completely unnecessary and meaningless such as suffering because of SA. We have to reach beyond our own pain and pleasure to our higher selves and view our lives from that perspective. If not, then there really is no point in struggling with any of this.

Your not the only one going to war everyday with these demons and at some point someone has to figure this out for the rest of us. That someone can be you.


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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 08:35 AM
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Honestly have no idea it's really demoralising hearing about people going to therapy 5-10+ times (as in one course of therapy, not 5-10 sessions,) and it still having no or little effect.

Of course if it's the same type of therapy, that's to be expected but re-referring someone for something that didn't work over and over is the kind of retarded NHS thing that happens.

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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 08:57 AM
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Is there anything you think you would be interested in starting to self-teach yourself, like programming? That's what I'm doing right now with programming and Japanese, and it's been great a help making me more ambitious, considering I spent so long feeling like I'm wasting my whole life away doing nothing because of no skills, no goals, etc.



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Yet I don't even step outside
So many sacrifices keep me alive
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Onto the crowd."


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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 08:57 AM
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The advice above is all good.

I was just wondering about your living situation. Why might you not have anywhere to live soon?

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't as conscious as I am. It would be so much easier."
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 01:41 PM
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 01:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3stacks View Post
Just want to vent but any advice is appreciated too. I've been thinking a lot about how hopeless and broken I am. Since about 14 years old social anxiety and depression has ruled my life now I'm 24 with no grades (I got kicked out of school but I'm actually really dumb and would have got bad grades anyway), no girlfriend (Im too ugly to date irl and have nothing to offer anyway) and soon I might have nowhere to live and no chance of a career or anything. Feel like I just ticked off the social anxiety cliche checklist lol. My social anxiety is really bad so I don't leave the house very much. I'm also not good at conversations even when I'm not anxious and I have no personality. It's not like I haven't tried to ease my social anxiety, I must have done CBT five separate times, I've tried all the meds offered to me, mindfulness, psychotherapy and still no improvement and I've tried my best in all of those. All of this led me to be in a psychiatric hospital earlier this year to keep myself safe after doing something stupid. So now I think there's no way for me to improve any of these areas. I don't think I'll be alive much longer because there's no hope for someone broken like me. Feel like there's loads more I could have included but don't want to bore you all to death and think I'm attention seeking.
Honestly, for me at least, the only way is to push yourself to talk to the person you are interested in, over and over and over and over again.. For months, until you might eventually become comfortable with them.
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 03:07 PM
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Originally Posted by 3stacks View Post
Just want to vent but any advice is appreciated too. I've been thinking a lot about how hopeless and broken I am. Since about 14 years old social anxiety and depression has ruled my life now I'm 24 with no grades (I got kicked out of school but I'm actually really dumb and would have got bad grades anyway), no girlfriend (Im too ugly to date irl and have nothing to offer anyway) and soon I might have nowhere to live and no chance of a career or anything.
Ok first of all Im just another guy (who isn't gay) but assuming your photo is accurate there are a hell of a lot more uglier guys out there then you. Your probably not a 10 on the looks scale but your not a 1 or 2 either. And most people fall somewhere in the average range of looks just like you. I do as well. Just go out in public and look to see how many beautiful women or handsome men you see? Not to many.

As far as your woman issue and getting laid. A poster above mentioned ”theres a lot of good looking guys in prison who don't get laid”. That is very true and those handsome guys probably end up as some other guys girlfriend in prison! lol

More seriously though im average looking and I have managed on occasion to bang a few really hot women in my days and yes it makes you feel awesome and relaxed and a bit more confident (at least as far as dealing with women goes). But you just don't bang a hot woman and then all your SA problems or trauma you have experienced in your past disappear. Not the way it works unfortunately. Wish it did.

So yes you need to solve the women / girlfriend issue but that wont magically solve all other problems in your life.

The career and living situation the way your looking at is the worst possible scenario. Your 24 years old I can assure you its not to late for a career. Just have to find an interest or something your good at job wise. Sometimes easier said then done I know. Are you working at all now? So why will you be homeless? No money? No relatives to move in with?


Anyway my point is none of the problems you mentioned are impossible to fix. As they say killing yourself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your issues can all be fixed. Im 41 and im in a lot better situation then I was when I was 24. Still have my share of issues but things get better. You just needs some goals and a plan to get there.


Stay strong and need any help drop me a message.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted by 3stacks View Post
Just want to vent but any advice is appreciated too. I've been thinking a lot about how hopeless and broken I am. Since about 14 years old social anxiety and depression has ruled my life now I'm 24 with no grades (I got kicked out of school but I'm actually really dumb and would have got bad grades anyway), no girlfriend (Im too ugly to date irl and have nothing to offer anyway) and soon I might have nowhere to live and no chance of a career or anything. Feel like I just ticked off the social anxiety cliche checklist lol. My social anxiety is really bad so I don't leave the house very much. I'm also not good at conversations even when I'm not anxious and I have no personality. It's not like I haven't tried to ease my social anxiety, I must have done CBT five separate times, I've tried all the meds offered to me, mindfulness, psychotherapy and still no improvement and I've tried my best in all of those. All of this led me to be in a psychiatric hospital earlier this year to keep myself safe after doing something stupid. So now I think there's no way for me to improve any of these areas. I don't think I'll be alive much longer because there's no hope for someone broken like me. Feel like there's loads more I could have included but don't want to bore you all to death and think I'm attention seeking.
Hey there, I'm sorry to hear about your pain. I've struggled with SA my whole life and I know how it can make life a living hell personally, professionally, academically etc. I suggest that you start learning skills for a career or job that you can do from home on the computer such as computer programming or something else that would be suitable for your social anxiety. Also, apply for government benefits such as welfare and disability because they will be a lifesaver in the future in the event that you cannot work and need to pay for housing and bills etc. I suggest that you apply for government benefits immediately and that you do not waste anytime because it is a process that may take a while and the sooner you apply the sooner you get your benefits and you will need them. I don't know what medications you have taken in the past, but go to your doctor and start trying different medications. The right medication can definitely change your life and make you capable of things you never thought you would be able to do such as pursuing relationships, being assertive and confident, making eye contact, achieving personal and professional success, as I can attest to. If you have tried conventional SSRIs and SNRIs without success, try an MAOI such as Nardil or Parnate, they have proven to be effective for many on this forum including myself. Also, drugs like Adderall can help with depression and social anxiety. Bottom line is, go to your doctor and start trying medications because it can take a while before you find the right one, so you need to start ASAP. Lastly, my dear friend, do not kill yourself, your life is precious and worth living and it WILL get better. Just get started on making progress today and you will have a bright future. We all care about you and we're rooting for you!
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 10:48 PM
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I’ve got nothing man.. life is a different world for everyone. While we’re here whining about anxiety, there are men getting their balls chopped off in Mexico and kids getting eaten alive in Uganda.

Sometimes, you just have to accept what you are and who you will always be. It’s the **** in your DNA that makes you who you are. No amount of “therapy” will change that. The youth these days are going broke from all the ****ing therapy and it’s getting them nowhere. As much as I hate the lectures that boomers give us, they’re right about one thing. Back then, people didn’t need therapy and pills and mental health awareness.. now, everyone and their mother has a mental health issue! Lol hilarious..



I've been seeking happiness for years.
I've lived in hiding from the darkness.
I've spent so many hours in question.
I've prayed that God finds me soon.
Only to realize I must find myself.
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 11:26 PM
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As much as I hate the lectures that boomers give us, they’re right about one thing. Back then, people didn’t need therapy and pills and mental health awareness.. now, everyone and their mother has a mental health issue! Lol hilarious..
Not sure the boomers were right about people not needing therapy back then. They needed it just didn't have an understanding of mental illness the way we do today. They had a lot of problems that therapy and pills would have helped them out with most likely. Our grandparents were probably tougher but they did that in spite of their mental health issues.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-22-2019, 08:28 AM
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While we’re here whining about anxiety, there are men getting their balls chopped off in Mexico and kids getting eaten alive in Uganda.
Very true. We got to keep things in some perspective. As far as the time and place we were all born into we pretty much all won the lottery. Looking at history we could have done far worse. Even today you could have been born in one of those violent countries like you mentioned (Uganda)or somewhere like Iraqi or Afganistan.


So sure we all got some problems if we are on here but not compared to a lot of others.
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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-23-2019, 01:11 PM Thread Starter
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I have been reading all of you replies and I do appreciate them! (Don't want anyone to think I ignored everyone lol). I'll reply gradually I think. I'm not feeling like talking about it at the moment but will.
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-28-2019, 09:12 AM
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I have been reading all of you replies and I do appreciate them! (Don't want anyone to think I ignored everyone lol). I'll reply gradually I think. I'm not feeling like talking about it at the moment but will.

So how you been feeling? Hopefully everyone's responses helped you out
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