I am never treated as a victim. I am always expected to hold strength! I feel like my feelings and overall self does not matter to people. Only when it benefits them, I matter. I am never able to be offended. I am never able to feel anything. Without feeling guilt. Not only from within but without. So I occasionally force myself to feel nothing. I counseled myself, I told myself that I am having pity parties. That the world is NOT against me. So I let my guard down Again and Again... Ending right back up in the same place of regret, doubt, and guilt, because things WERE as they seemed. At this point no one can tell me that I am not a target. It's like when I speak, I'm told I should be quiet. When I'm quiet Im told I should talk. When I'm happy, no one appreciates it, but dare I be down. Dare I have a issue with something. Dare I seperate myself and go about my own business. In conclusion, I can't win for loosing. Nothing I do is ever right because theres always a reproach for anything I do!! You understand? It's like rather I'm quiet or loud all eyes are on me expecting something out of me but nothing at the same time.