Mid-30s & No Career. What to do? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-13-2007, 06:54 PM
 
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


...I just wanted to say that I like the way that you write. ( felt a little like reading a newspaper column, actually!)[/quote]


Aw thanks! I never thought about my writing that way. I've always been more of a fiction writer, actually that is one of the things that I'm told I'm good at, and I always have it in my head that i want to write a book, but I haven't had any motivation or ambition for a while.
However I think I'd love writing for a newspaper because I'm very opinionated and tend to go on rants a lot LOL.
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post #22 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-13-2007, 08:34 PM
 
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


I'm 32, have never had a job, barely made it through high school. Live at home with my parents, have started to wonder if this is it for my life because I'm so sensitive and shy that I can hardly imagine ever coming out of my shell. If it weren't for the fact that I love live theatre as much as I do, I would probably rarely leave the house, because my two best friends from childhood have moved away or just plain lost contact over the years, and I have no one local to hang out with whatsoever. I have one online friend whom I don't know how I would get by without. I really don't do well alone, but am no good at social situations face to face and don't like groups, have always preferred one on one and have preferred having one really close friend to groups of friends who aren't that close. These past few years have really been taking a toll on my heart, realizing my age, feeling like I don't have anywhere to fit in very easily, feeling like it's very difficult to find a friend.

Just needed a place to let it out, and was looking around the internet and found this board and went straight to this topic because I've been thinking a lot about whether I'll ever be able to find a job. You echoed my thoughts on not having a strong desire to work, as well, unless it could be in a field that I really love, like perhaps tech work for theatre shows. It's something I've been thinking about recently, but at the moment I can't even approach someone to say hello, let alone do anything more complex.

It's a relief to have a place to come where I know that the other people reading this will understand where I'm coming from.
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post #23 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-13-2007, 09:05 PM
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Krystalvisions82
...I just wanted to say that I like the way that you write. ( felt a little like reading a newspaper column, actually!)

Aw thanks! I never thought about my writing that way. I've always been more of a fiction writer, actually that is one of the things that I'm told I'm good at, and I always have it in my head that i want to write a book, but I haven't had any motivation or ambition for a while.
However I think I'd love writing for a newspaper because I'm very opinionated and tend to go on rants a lot LOL.[/quote]

....how spot on was I!!
....maybe it's a sign!

But you do write well. I knew a girl who worked for a major newspaper just with the advertisement section and who wanted to do journalism. I don't know much but it's perhaps the way to get your foot in the door.
Maybe even check out whether there are any volunteer newspapers that you could contribute to writing for. -I actually did this my self, although how good I was at it is another question. -I personally think you have more of a flair for writing things like articles than I have.


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post #24 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-13-2007, 09:18 PM
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


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Originally Posted by theatrelovinggal42
I'm 32, have never had a job, barely made it through high school. Live at home with my parents, have started to wonder if this is it for my life because I'm so sensitive and shy that I can hardly imagine ever coming out of my shell. If it weren't for the fact that I love live theatre as much as I do, I would probably rarely leave the house, because my two best friends from childhood have moved away or just plain lost contact over the years, and I have no one local to hang out with whatsoever. I have one online friend whom I don't know how I would get by without. I really don't do well alone, but am no good at social situations face to face and don't like groups, have always preferred one on one and have preferred having one really close friend to groups of friends who aren't that close. These past few years have really been taking a toll on my heart, realizing my age, feeling like I don't have anywhere to fit in very easily, feeling like it's very difficult to find a friend.

Just needed a place to let it out, and was looking around the internet and found this board and went straight to this topic because I've been thinking a lot about whether I'll ever be able to find a job. You echoed my thoughts on not having a strong desire to work, as well, unless it could be in a field that I really love, like perhaps tech work for theatre shows. It's something I've been thinking about recently, but at the moment I can't even approach someone to say hello, let alone do anything more complex.

It's a relief to have a place to come where I know that the other people reading this will understand where I'm coming from.

I'm very much the same as you except that I am 2 or 3 years younger (turning 30 in april ).

One of the things that also gets to me apart from finding things so hard is the occasional prejudice that I think I pick up on. This is probably partly sometimes also just my interpretation. Although some people are like this. IT makes me resent them. -They're attitude is that they are better than me, whereas I could turn around and say: "What if you're just more boring and I'm actually more ambitious and set my standards higher than you". -It's easy to fail when your standards are super high.

Mind you, neither view is right. But it gets on my nerves sometimes how some people seem to view me as a failure. One person even baulked when I told them that I was ambitious -apparently pre-judging me as not being motivated or hard working.

I get a little angry sometimes at all these simple-minded, smug morons who dare to put their limited vision of who and what people can be onto me! ...I'd frankly like to make a success of my self just so that I can turn around and tell such arrogant morons to **** off!

.... ....I'm letting some steam go here!!!!! (if you can't tell)

But I kind of can't help feeling that some people are undeserving of their status -smugly patting themselves on the back for work they've never done- and that they have such a limited view of others -because their own horizons never opened up very far, anyone else with the actual animal courage to dare to break from the pack and do things differently is written off as a failure.

...What the **** do people with so little appreciation for what it is to 'fail' have for 'success' and how dare they presume to be more in control or sure of themselves than people like me!!

..........ooh, I'm on a roll!! -just let it all out Ruby!!


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post #25 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-16-2007, 01:07 PM
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


I am 47 years old, and my employment history is a joke. When I was in college, I had no idea what I wanted to do, and am still clueless. I have tried all kinds of different things, but didn't enjoy them. The only things that I like to do are read, and watch old movies. If there was only something I could do in those two areas. Well, I can dream.....
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post #26 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-19-2007, 07:43 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


Hello again. So I tell everyone not to slip back into the woodwork and look what I immediately do. Well, I'm back and still feeling crappy. I'm just saying from my own experience of doing it many times myself, it's common to come across a thread you can really relate to and chime in with a "me too" and then slide back into anonymity until the dialog finally comes to a sputtering halt. But it looks like we do have some really great discussion going on here, so I'm glad for that. I like to hear about other people's struggles and frustrations. And please, if any one of us sad sacks ever actually manages to even attempt to do something worthwhile, make sure to let the rest of us know. Perhaps this thread can be place for that.

So even though my original post concentrated on career troubles, I think my own lack of one is just a symptom of a greater problem with poor self-confidence and a feeling like I can't relate to other people, obviously. I guess that's why whenever I've tried to talk to someone about it, I get this hollow feeling like I'm focusing on the wrong thing. They usually just wanna give me practical advice, which makes sense, but it never helps me because it's the advice you'd give to a NORMAL person, not me. If I were normal, I'm sure I would've found a career by now, and many other healthy life things as well. The problem is that when most people were concentrating on normal things like finding careers, I was all wrapped up in my dysfunctional little brain worrying about other insane ****. So it seriously makes me wanna puke when something as alien to me as a "career" even comes up in conversation. I just can't relate to the whole concept, I'm so far removed from it. But I also can't deny that it's something vital to normal life that I'm sorely missing. Anyway, all I'm saying is we should think of ourselves as people first. Work on your own will to live and be part of society without getting all hung up on "being" this or that or "success" or whatever. That seems to be what most of you are saying though, so I guess I'm preaching to the choir here.

It just seems to me that the ability to talk is probably the single most important skill you can have in life. Talkers have it made. You don't have to be intelligent or exceptionally skilled. As long as you can schmooze and "get along" with other people, the world is open to you. That just makes me insane because it's the very thing I lack and whenever I attempt to do it, I feel horribly strained and unnatural to the point where I just wanna die. Ha, it looks like I've taken over the rant torch from Ruby and Krystal. I'll gladly pass it on to the next person.

Oh, and theatrelovinggal42, I understand about feeling stuck and hopeless. Theater seems to be a pretty social scene, so that must make it extra hard.

And BeachGaBulldog, have you ever tried writing movie reviews and posting them online? Seems that would be a natural way to go with your interests.
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post #27 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-20-2007, 10:28 PM
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


What's up, blokt? I'm 10 years younger than you but I can relate. A lot of us here can, obviously. I came out here to Sonoma County early October. I don't know what to do. For years I worked with my mom part-time and that is it. I did have regular work I did on the side for local people, but not that much. It was money, though. My mom was moving and I said to not get a 3 bedroom place (it was me, her, and my younger sister). I was getting sick of my life and decided to come out here again with my friend. My friend (former SAS member, actually) really wants me to get a job but just the thought of having to get to know people, learn how to do the job, and even what kind of job to do is just too much. I just don't know what to do. Retail seems to be the only option, and that is just a nightmare to me. I'm so used to the freedom of my job at home, and now I can't go back to that. I didn't make that much money altogether but despite being depressed, lonely and so on, I had a somewhat decent lifestyle. Now I have nothing compared to what I had living at home. My only real idea now is to just go back home (which would be uncomfortable) and do what my older sister suggested, which is selling stuff on ebay and at the flea market or something. I would be staying at my dad's, and I think he'd rather see me get a real job. Something has to happen, though, because I am running out of money here. I've never been in such a bad situation in my life, and I feel like it's only going to get worse.

If you were local I'd drink some beers with you or something and we could feel sorry for ourselves together, hehe.
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post #28 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-21-2007, 12:28 PM
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


Movie reviews is a good idea. Thanks.
This no career thing goes on and on, and I am beyond sick of it.
I always end up having to take jobs that I hate, and I either quit, or endure being at a place that I don't want to be at, totally miserable.
I am not a people person, I never have been, and in all honesty, I don't want to be. What is this garbage about accepting people the way that they are, if other don't accept me for who I am.
I always tried to work on several issues, reading self help books, etc.
It was always a matter of me focusing on one or two things to improve myself. However, it seems like everytime I am working on those things, other issues rear up again, and I feel like crap all over.
Finally, a couple of months ago, I said to hell with the self help books. I am just going to continue to be who I am, and if others don't like it, too damn bad.
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post #29 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-21-2007, 01:20 PM
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


Many of us can relate, having said this, what do you want........

My boss, my role model, is in her mid-late sixties, she just got her fourth black belt, martial arts, she's a homeopathic Dr. Masters, going for her Phd......Retired RN. She does what she wants. She really is an excellent influence. Although she can be flaky, that bugs me, tells me to do something then wants to know why I did......oops......movin along.

It's never too late, you have to do what you want to do, screw anyone that doesn't like it. Now, I'm not referring to serial killers etc. I want to be concise;-)

Mental illness is what some have, not who they are.
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post #30 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-21-2007, 04:16 PM Thread Starter
 
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


Quote:
Originally Posted by BeNice
If you were local I'd drink some beers with you or something and we could feel sorry for ourselves together, hehe.
That sounds like fun. Too bad I'm about 100 miles down the coast from you. It's really weird cuz I haven't just casually hung out with someone for years. I've totally forgotten what that's like. I really need to get back into at least the outer fringes of the social scene somehow. I'm really losing touch with the rest of the human race. I'm not totally alone but enough to where it's doing some kooky stuff to my brain.

Oh, and I'd say give CA a little more time if you can. I seem to recall reading a post from you a while back where you said you were interested in plants and stuff. Maybe that was someone else, I dunno. Anyway, if you are then maybe you could look for a job at a nursery or something. A little privately-owned one would be a nice, relaxing place to work, I think. I tried the flea market/ebay thing for a while and it was hard work but you can make some pretty good money at it if you know what to look for. I used to go around to yard sales and buy stuff for cheap and resell it. It's interesting cuz if you really get into it, you'll find yourself running into the same people at local yard sales who are doing the same thing. It can get quite competitive and the people tend to be pretty quirky characters.
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post #31 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-23-2007, 09:17 PM
 
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Re: Mid-30s & No Career. What to do?


I am a lot younger, but I can relate. I'm 25 and just finishing up a 2nd undergraduate degree. It's hard enough for me to explain why I have 2 bachelor's degree and I'm young so I can imagine the problems you'd have. It has finally worked out for me as I figured out what I wanted to do. One thing that helped me was I got a part time job at a bookstore when I was figuring everything out and so I got exposure to all different kinds of topics and could loan out books for free so I would read books and eventually I found myself being drawn to certain topics and now I'm sorta going in that direction with my career. You need to figure that out what you want to do. Have you tried a career counselor? Also it might be a good idea to get just any job in the meantime to re-socialize yourself. I'll outline how I suggest you do this.

First of all, it's hard to believe you haven't worked for over a decade. I don't know how you've done it, but that obviously takes some skill in itself. What I'm getting at is that most employers won't even believe you could get by without working so don't even bother trying to explain it. You, my friend, have been SELF EMPLOYED for the last decade. Just pick something you are good at related to the job you want and claim that as your self employment. I don't think it'll be a big problem. You probably will start at a lower level position, but at least you will be back in the work force if that is what you want.
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post #32 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-09-2009, 08:41 AM
 
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hi,
The reality is that employers aren't your friend. That's not a bad thing. They are in the market place to make money. If you have something to offer them, then that's when they will give you money to work for them. If you're thirty or older and don't have any experience, there's not an employer who will look at you with respect, because they want someone who shows potential or experience. There are other people out there who are more qualified, so they get jobs because they show potential.

I'm not being negative, just realistic. So, if you want answers as to what you can do and not feel as if your life is a waste, try these ideas on for size:

  • if you like art, volunteer at a museum and maybe they'll have temporary employment for you doing something that is at least interesting and in a field that you enjoy.
  • act as an art tutor at a local college - post fliers for art tutor services
  • if you have a BA and no work experience and don't like your current society, go abroad and teach english as a foreign language. You can actually get paid, have housing supplied for you and travel the world just because you are educated and speak english. you don't need an English degree to teach the language you've grown up with if you're teaching it to people who don't speak any English. Seach TEFL - Teaching English to Foreign Learners - just don't plan on Europe. South America, Africa, Asia all accept Americans with a BA degree.
  • there are opportunities out there. go work abroad, save some money, get a great experience to broaden your horizons and then once you've traveled the world you can smile and look at all the worker bees with their lives lived in a box until they're too old to do live their dreams.
  • if you want to sail on yachts, seach for crew opportunities. There are always captains who are delivering yachts who just need an extra pair of eyes and hands to help out. They are willing to teach you how to sail.
  • you won't find life unless you have an idea of what you want to accomplish. Life isn't going to find YOU, so YOU have to make it happen.
  • if you like outdoor activities, volunteer to teach a sport or put up fliers to teach art classes at your house or talk to your local schools to see if there is room that you could rent after hours to hold classes
  • if you like computers, learn how to design websites at home on the internet with a few classes. then, talk to real estate agents and insurance agents, people who typically are self employed and don't have any website experience. Most small business owners are getting hosed by their web designers and would love the opportunity to let you help out. You could make a thousand or more per website.
  • Small business owners would rather buy something from you than hire you to do work - they need to think about taxes, social security, insurance, health care expenses, training you, worrying about how long you're going to stay, and they want you to be dependable.
  • Anyways, there are lots of things you can do. Trust me, if you have a little money, start your own business. It's not hard, anyone can do it.
  • to start a business, talk to your state government and they will direct you to who you need to talk to. Usually, you just fill out a form online and state what you will be doing and the name of your business and they'll give you a tax number. If you start making money, talk to an accountant and they'll tell you the next step.
  • Most business owners are the "c" students who hire the "A" students to do the book work and the behind the scenes stuff. It's not that difficult to build a company if you have something to offer.
  • So, if you don't have anything to offer, take classes online or at your local community college to do website design, teach a foreign language, tutor math, or learn graphic design. Get a life insurance certificate and hire some agents on a commission basis only so you don't have an investment in them.
  • Just find something that you can promote and sell instead of worrying about whether someone will hire you and then you have to start at the bottom and get ridiculed as you work your way up in a job you hate.
  • Be your own boss and live your dream, because nobody is going to do it for you.
Good Luck.

if money isn't what drives you, then find something that does.
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post #33 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-09-2009, 11:27 AM
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Mid-Thirties & no career - What to do?
Well only you can answer that, I'm approaching mid-30's and haven't had a career as such. Just "jobs" albeit full-time and lasting years on end, but still done nothing to help in formulating a career for myself.

Look to your talents, what you love doing. Look around and see what other people are doing, if you envy them that might be what you should try doing also.

It's twice as hard getting somewhere with SA issues though realistically speaking. Becoming self-employed might be the best bet, selling your art as others have said. You never know until you try and take the risks!

A "career" is not the be all and end all though, many wish they hadn't of put so much of themselves in their careers. They end up old, childless and alone and living with their cats for company.

But at least they have a loaded bank account and are successful professionally, I'll be failing personally and professionally, the future is bleak but I still feel hope.
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post #34 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-09-2009, 12:24 PM
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It depends on how badly you want a career and the depths your willing to go to in order to become a society-junkie.

Personally, I've long since accepted that I'm never going to be an especially productive citizen but do you know what? When the guilt eventually passes, it's quite liberating and watching conventional success unfold in the lives of the masses is rather like seeing apes drinking beer.
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post #35 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-09-2009, 12:53 PM
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I have tried all kinds of different things, but didn't enjoy them.
i think the majority of people dont like their job. work sucks but its nice to get that paycheck.

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post #36 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-09-2009, 01:52 PM
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Wonder what happened to him since this was 2 years ago
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post #37 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-09-2009, 02:02 PM
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Two years ago? Yikes. He probably made it...
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post #38 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-09-2009, 02:10 PM
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Wonder what happened to him since this was 2 years ago

LoL I didn't notice until you posted that!
I see late bloomer resurrected this thread to give some sound advice.
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post #39 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-09-2009, 05:57 PM
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Wonder what happened to him since this was 2 years ago
probably too busy at work to post here.

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post #40 of 254 (permalink) Old 11-09-2009, 09:17 PM
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I seriously think I may have set an all-time record for lack of participation in the work-force, unless you count career criminals, the mentally retarded and people committed to institutions. I'm in my mid-30s and have no work experience other than a handful of part-time jobs during my college days and one full-time gig seven years ago that lasted just short of a year.
Actually, I think I top you, though your record is indeed impressive even by SAS standards.

I have done nothing in terms of work nor school since college graduation in May 1995, so 14.5 years of nothing. I'm not aware of any current SAS members who exceed my own record of failure. Very few here are old enough to have over 14 wasted years.

I've never even had a real job. My work experience amounts to being a paper boy from 1985-86 and working with my late brother for a few years as a teen mowing lawns & removing snow. And the last time I worked with him would have been the winter of 1990-91, so I haven't earned a cent from work in the last 19 years.

It's hard to feel like a real man when at age 36 I'm not even qualified to flip burgers at McDonald's, a job frequently held by those who were born while I was in high school.
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