Making Friends: As a Child vs. As an Adult - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2011, 08:09 AM Thread Starter
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Making Friends: As a Child vs. As an Adult


As I reflect on life, I ponder why is was so easy for us as children to make friends vs. us making friends as adults? When I was a kid, I could easily pick up friends in the park while engaging in a game of Freeze Tag or Hide n' Go Seek. Now, omg, it's like pulling teeth to befriend people and to get them to hang out with you. I have literally absolutely no female friends. Only friends I have are guy friends and now that I'm in a relationship, I have to sort of alienate my guy friends. *sigh* I am so bored with life, because I don't feel involved.. I miss the times when I would sit around in the barracks and clown around with people I cared about. Now everyone has moved on and are so wrapped up in their personal issues that they could careless about continuing the good ol' days. I feel like the lone ranger, endlessly looking for something fulfilling, a group of people who feel the way I do about life and things. I used to say that I could live life without people, without friends, but I think having friends is what motivates us to continue on in life. Look at Jesus, he had friends; he had his disciples. A boyfriend or girlfriend is definitely not enough. A family, whether it's blood relatives or friends who's not related to you directly is what is most rewarding. Anyhow.. enough said.. right now, life blows.. I need to engage in an "Eat, Pray, Love" mission..
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2011, 08:19 AM
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For me at least, I was able to make a couple of friends when I was a kid (before the age of 9) because our parents 'set us up' to be friends. I could never make friends on my own. Then after the age of 10, when we moved to Canada, I had no friends again, and I didn't know how to make any. Only in university did I make a couple of friends - my roommates mainly. Then after I stopped living with them, I again had no friends, because I still didn't have any friend-making skills. And I haven't had a friend since. Unfortunately I can't have my parents set me up with a friend any more, and I don't live with any roommates, so I'm pretty much out of options. If you manage to solve the mystery of making friends, let me know.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2011, 09:34 AM Thread Starter
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In all reality, it seems that only way to make friends is to flash money. People seem to want to hang out with you only if you can offer them something in return.. Like for instance, in school, they hang with me cause they want to borrow my notes or copy my answers on the exams... As a child, you're innocent and friends are easy but as an adult, you become manipulative and ask yourself, what's in it for me? Corruption..
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2011, 11:23 AM
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In all reality, it seems that only way to make friends is flash money. People seem to want to hang out with you only if you can offer them something in return..
True. I've had instances where I swear girls were friends with me just so that they could feel better than someone. Kind of like standing next to the uglier friend to make themselves look prettier.

After reflecting on my own friendships while growing up I realized that it really hasn't changed much. I would always somehow get into a group of friends that consisted of three other girls. And they all fit the same profiles strangely enough!:
- One of them was always "the elephant" as in the boss, charismatic, and always had to have their way. They were the friend that one word against them, and they could easily turn the other two girls in the group against you. The friend everyone either liked/was scared not to be friends with them. A type personality.
- There was always the one friend that kissed 'the elephant's' @$$ and was kind of her chronie to agree with her all the time. Usually the B type personality that looks up and wants to be like the A type personality. Believes that 'the elephant' is their cool friend and they want to be cool like her because they have been an insecure dork all their lives.
- The quiet one who mostly didn't mess with anyone but if they had to pick sides they would always pick the side dealing with the elephant just for safety purposes. When elephant and @$$kisser decide to separate themselves from the group and do 'best friend' things you are usually stuck with this person who can either be a person who fits one extreme or the other. A lot of times they feel more like a safety friend than a real one.

And then there was me. The "Brian". The friend no one f***ing likes, or the friend that can easily be exiled out of the group for disagreeing even one time. Usually the weird unstable friend who is off in their own world. Usually the one that doesn't always agree with 'the elephant' and the only one with the balls to stand up to the 'elephant' when she gets too controlling and steps out of line (I guess I view myself more as the checks and balance person). But I was the friend that was generally cool with everybody else outside the group so after I'd be exiled I could always find some new people to temporarily hang out with untill I found myself alone again. When these same patterns happened with every group of friends that I was with, it was funny how observant outsiders were to our group. That they knew exactly what was happening. The only good thing was that usually these outsiders tended to side with me and always thought I was right.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2011, 12:29 PM
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When you're a little kid you probably care less aswell about what they think of you, no stressing about the finer details like conversations, approaching techniques,etc.

"Hold your own, know your name, and go your own way, and everything will be fine" - Jason Mraz, Details in the Fabric
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2011, 04:08 PM
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Yeah my first friends were "play date" set ups. I wish my mom could still arrange those for me now....
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2011, 04:12 PM
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Originally Posted by wileycat4 View Post
In all reality, it seems that only way to make friends is to flash money. People seem to want to hang out with you only if you can offer them something in return.. Like for instance, in school, they hang with me cause they want to borrow my notes or copy my answers on the exams... As a child, you're innocent and friends are easy but as an adult, you become manipulative and ask yourself, what's in it for me? Corruption..
You are right wileycat4, and it is sad.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2011, 07:56 PM
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This is interesting because I always felt very wary of other kids I didn't know - I think it's because I grew up on a farm property with no neighbours near by and an introverted but lovely and playful older brother. My only socialisation was from school and activities. But when we stopped at a play ground at lunch on a road trip my heart would sink if there were other kids playing on the playground & I would do all I could to avoid them!! Now I am an adult I find it easy to intellectually 'put myself out there'. I still hate it, but I can do it, and I have made a million more friends in my 20s than I ever had as a child...
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2011, 08:02 PM
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I had one friend through elementary and 1 friend through JR High, and had home school from 8-10th grade. Have no friends now, other than my hubby and daughter .
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