Lost and frustrated - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-05-2020, 01:32 AM Thread Starter
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Lost and frustrated


I was supposed to be a smart person ( at least the people around me told me when i was a child and during HS).

But for a so called "smart person" i've ****ed up everything i could since i turned 18. (and now i'm 21).

So i am originally from a very small town in eastern europe, it was a lonely place, without much to do there.

During my school years i spent most of my time inside playing games / watching anime/reading science books and wandering in the nature alone. Because i had a bit nerdy interests and was super shy kid i obviously was the outcast of the town.Absolutely zero friends until the end of 10th grade(or girlfriend up to this date),At the end of 10th grade i somehow found a couple of friends.They had some overlapping interests and were pretty cool and all that .

But obviously we turned 12th grade and had to go different paths. And i had no idea what i want to study and had to chose quickly. Because i'm from a poor eastern european country i decided that the only option for me was to move to the capital . Because i had interest in drawing i enrolled in industrial design course (and honestly this was the only place that would have accepted me with my drawing skills back then).

And then the obvious happened .I got really overwhelmed with everything really fast because of the sudden environment change plus the quality of the uni wasn't that great.I dropped out after 1 semester,then spent probably half a year locked in my place , doing nothing. At that time i decided that i wanted to become a pro artist ( working on game ,movies and so on,you get it) and went to courses to up my skills.Then i went to art school and started part time job.Found some friends.

Things sounds pretty good right?Well not so much.Currently i feel the worst i've ever felt.

It was a bit hard for me to admit, but i don't really care for drawing that much,It's only a fun hobby for me .At least it used to be before i went to art school. Now i get anxious when i try to do anything related to drawing.I'm late with appointments and stuff like that.The work i have makes me just enough money to get by,for a student it's fine for sure,but it makes me skip at least 1 or 2 school days per week,which makes me even later with appointments.I also slowly alienated with the friends i have and don't feel them that close anymore. Also still never had a girlfriend ,which make me feel even more alienated than the general population.

Now my days are flying by ,blending into each other and nothing really brings me any enjoyment.I go to uni and hate it,then go to work to be able to support myself going to uni. I'm 21 and feel my life is already over.Used to be optimistic about the future,now not so much.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-06-2020, 04:18 PM
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Just take things one day at a time, never know what life has in store for you. I never dreamed where my life is now 5 yrs ago.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-11-2020, 11:00 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Kevin001 View Post
Just take things one day at a time, never know what life has in store for you. I never dreamed where my life is now 5 yrs ago.
I know that you are probably correct,but i just feel waay to overwhelmed .
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-11-2020, 01:54 PM
:D
 
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Too much praise sucks when reality hits you and you realize you may be "smart" in some specific areas, but totally handicapped in others.

What do you want most right now in life? Companionship? Friendship?

Check out my YouTube channel.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 01:34 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by thisismeyo View Post
Too much praise sucks when reality hits you and you realize you may be "smart" in some specific areas, but totally handicapped in others.

What do you want most right now in life? Companionship? Friendship?
Just a goal that i can pursue. Some type of direction.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-18-2020, 02:10 PM
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ƒas† & ƒurious!!!


just quicker for this world! every step of humanhood so zombie slooww! everywhere. all slowed down by women & children. I overtake and dodge ahead in every physical form i never expected.

Autistic indeed! Human communication ridiculously dismally deteriorated!

everyone's minds full of garbage. foolz! Idiots. Superiority over all.

Socially retarded, me? humans just see humans! Nothing else in their world! More humans is all they want! ALL LUV ALL! MEGAIMMATUURE!!! like MANURE.
everyone demented, anyone? THEY ALL Naturally all hate me for who i am. I know things. I hate humans. all a unit, a package!. inputs, outputs. wee, poo. words as they speak.. movies, on TV, public.. YOU = unit.. 4 limbs, eyes, ears, hair, mouth.. cartoons.. machines, animals! all with human voices, ogres.. all modelled on human body. guns, bullets. point any something, aim, any target, virtual gesture.. ammo = words. wheels & driving. personal combat.. whole world as a movie.. shout, accuse, fight.. YOU
the package.. label. why everyone just keeps saying that all their lives, all day long?
roles played.. director, producers, actor, all 4 limbs.. phone! Life..

the interface of person vs the world is their work? how mine was?
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-19-2020, 06:38 PM
Socializing with myself
 
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After graduating High School in 2012 at age 19 years and being put in complex situations over and over. My mother decided that we should move to Florida. I spent my years writing, thinking, and creating concepts that people can't interpret. Now I come back to the city, and started community college at age 26 years old.

Since I started college, I feel intellectually transparent. I been put into remedial classes from English to Math, and learned the school concepts are outdated to my standards of what a college should be.

Multi-Agent Quantum AI Computers governing humanity 24/7 using Quantum Cryptography Satellites to run a thought interval to generate cryptographic keys to refresh key information into thoughts to channel the communication 24/7.

NSA Software Engineers & NASA computationally remapping buildings, jobs, relationships, wealth, education, and income using bio intelligence system to manage citizens time & events. While the A.I Computers designing the mind program to communicate with citizens.

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