Life Without Friends = A life I'm Sick of Living
So I'm sitting here in tears from the pain of this loneliness. I thought I would come here to vent, it's not like I have anywhere else to go to be honest. For the past four years I have been alone. I don't socialize anymore more, I fee like I can't. I lost all of my skill (or lack of) that I had when I was in Elementary school. I'm taking high school classes online at home now. I left my friends from back then and found them on Myspace a while ago. It just ****ing KILLS me when I read their recent blog posts about how much fun their having with their new friends. Everyday they post I new blog I feel like ****. I don't know why I read them and do this to myself. I live in the same city, so if I had the courage I could just call them up. I'm not going to though, I never will. I need to except that they're not my friends anymore and that I don't have any. I can't do that either. Ugh, I don't know what to do but sit here day after day, depressed, with tears rolling down my face. I feel there is nothing I CAN do. Even if I wanted to make new friends it's not like I would get very far. I could probably say "Hi. How are you" before the studder and awkward silence begins.
I feel soooo bad right now, nothing makes me happy anymore. I haven't had many life experiences, the type that you could write in a journal and laugh at later, and the ones I have had weren't all that fun. The only people I shared them with are my parents. They're the only people I talk to. The last thing I want to do when I'm 80 is look back and be upset that I never truly lived.
This probably sound like nothing compared to what other people go through, but I'm hoping that some of you could at least relate and understand that this kind of pain isn't an easy one to deal with. And that I can't simply fix the problem by "joining an activity and making friends" as everyone tells me. Have any of you ever gone through a period of your life without any mates? How did you cope?
Okay, I'm done.