Just wanna live/feel normal (without meds) - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-02-2017, 03:16 PM Thread Starter
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Just wanna live/feel normal (without meds)

Hey guys!

Have you ever thought why you have to feel the way you feel, and live the way you live?
I thought about it today. And it sucks!

2 years ago, I received my diagnose depression and anxiety disorder (mainly social phobia).
First thing is, that I don't know why I should be depressed. I don't have any reason.
I did cry for no reason a few months ago, then I increased my medication, so since then I rarely cried anymore.
In school I did always feel on tense. ALWAYS! I know it's 1 year ago, because I then eventually started taking medication, and I'm still taking it.
But I feel like the medication also makes it a bit hard to feel really enthusiastic.

As a kid, I know that I was enthusiastic in situations. But now I feel different.

In my opinion, that really sucks!!
I don't feel the fully true pleasure. I feel happy most of the time (or let's say at least not depressed) but why can't I also feel true enthusiasm for things? Maybe that's the way I am and it's not the medication.

Even if the medication makes me slightly numb, I need taking it because I need it.
For example, 2 years ago (before taking medication), I always got heart racing in the morning while on the way to school. Didn't know why because I had it also on days without tests or anything else.
But some teachers liked it to let their pupils do their work on the board in front of the class. Everytime this teacher came into class, my heart started racing and I sweated a lot.
Even the other time I couldn't really relax. I was always on tense.

During this year, I was on a very low dosage of my current medication. During this time, I was to some extend stable. But after a half year, my uncontrollably crying began (again).
For no reason I had tears in my eyes during lesson in school. I'm often tired in school, so I drank a cup of coffee and after a while I began feeling worse and cried. But I don't think coffee triggered it.
Anyway! I really cried a week before school trip. Cried the whole week almost every day uncontrollably. Couldn't understand why, because my classmates are really nice and the teachers too. In the end the whole trip was nice. So I don't understand why I cried.

So I think I have to stay on medication or at least till my graduation.
Or maybe somebody here can tell me about an alternative thing instead of SSRIs to cope with emotional and anxiety issues. Tried many things, to hypnosis, herbal things, bioresonance, and so on. Acupuncture did help me a bit. Now I'm taking amino acids which are based on my blood test (or at least should be). They should help me with fatigue mainly. Maybe they do slightly a thing, but also made my nervousness a bit worse. (probably the phenylalanine in there).
Of all things, medication made my issues at least controllable.

Maybe I should take it until graduation and then move away to Colorado or other country where I can legally smoke some relaxing weed (and not the panic inducing strong thc strains). If smoking weed would be the thing, I would do it everyday. But I don't experience any pleasure from it, which makes me also a bit depressed. I only get the feeling like being in the whole matrix (like the movie) which frightens me really.
Maybe indica-strains are relaxing for me, which I only can buy in legal states.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-02-2017, 03:39 PM
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I never feel true enthusiasm either. No idea why.. I put it down to depression.... or my living arrangements. Feel like in in a closed in box what with my issues and living at parents. Always feel trapped be it myself or my over bearing parent.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-02-2017, 03:40 PM
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I don't feel any anxiety or depression meds work for me either.... Not really ..they just give a sense of numbness.

Sucks huh? ?
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-02-2017, 03:48 PM
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The only time I feel "normal" is after a few drinks.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-02-2017, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Maslow View Post
The only time I feel "normal" is after a few drinks.
Yup can relate ! The only way I used to feel social was with a few drinks in me and at times I did dabble in other things and for the first time In my life I felt I belonged to something. I know it's not the way to be , but part of me misses that belonging but I know it was false fueled by drink and various toxic substances .
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-02-2017, 08:17 PM
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Sorry to hear about that. Have you tried facing your fears and forcing yourself to be more outgoing and to ignore any thoughts or feelings that make you feel anxious? This helps you to be more confident and less anxious over time and being outgoing increases your chances of making friends.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-03-2017, 03:51 AM
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Look, first off you need to remember - EVERYONE would react in the similar ways that you are if they could feel your exact emotions. We act how we feel and feel how we act, there's no magic in that.

The main issue there is, that talking from my own experience (and believe me I can totally relate to pretty much everything you wrote there), it is virtually impossible to "think yourself of it" to get out of this horrible state.

However, aside from medication (xanax - yet be extremely cautious and aware of consequences if you ever decide to go down this route.), there are 2 main things which made a difference for me:

1) Acceptance about your current situation & circumstances and staying aggressively positive and cheerful regardless. Now This is a big one.
There is no better way for me to describe this than to direct you to RomanAtwood vlogs for you to know exactly what I'm talking about. I would recommend starting with some slightly older vlogs to realise where this guy is coming from.

2) Total obsession about ignoring negative thoughts. You wouldn't believe the lenghts and extremes I developed myself to be able to go with this. The key here is, that most of your thoughts (especially negative ones) don't need your attention for your survival and happy life. You can't change your past and constantly worrying about something won't change the outcome of it. Furthermore, if you don't care (focus) about something which you consider to be your "flaw", others won't care either. You don't choose the thoughts, but you absolutely choose whether to move on / ignore each individual thought or stay (dwell) on it.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-03-2017, 04:12 AM
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I didn't really start getting better till I was off meds. Gave me more confidence I guess no longer felt like a label.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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