Is it wrong to imagine a girlfriend or wife/partner - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 89 (permalink) Old 04-27-2019, 12:46 PM
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Imagination is a big part of what makes us human. I only wish I was better at picturing things in my head.
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post #22 of 89 (permalink) Old 04-27-2019, 05:26 PM
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You can imagine anything you want. If you want to fantasize about having a partner then go ahead. Nothing wrong with that.
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post #23 of 89 (permalink) Old 04-27-2019, 05:32 PM
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I think it's wrong. you should at least have a better imagination. you could have 3 wives or more. or they could be slave girls. or you could be the slave.

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post #24 of 89 (permalink) Old 04-27-2019, 07:16 PM
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As long as they only have two legs.
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post #25 of 89 (permalink) Old 04-27-2019, 08:48 PM
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Imagine as in fantasizing in your mind or as in having a imaginary friend and acting it out?
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post #26 of 89 (permalink) Old 04-28-2019, 07:19 AM
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is it really bad if you imagine you have a partner, lik ewhen your comming home from being out about and imagine like they do in the movies
"honey im home!, whatch been upto ma bo?" and so on.
Then you know hangin out and stuff maybe makin plan do go somplace. But cos I dont have alot of much money we would probably just go window dhoppping or get a coffee in one of those fancy coffee houses.

I know it sounds really messed up, but as I never had a GF or a relationship and cos I am totally alone for the last 20 plus years., i only talk to shop workers so...yeah I dont know.

Its just I see the other gutys with GF and wife and I just think why cant I get one too?

If any girls got ideas let me know.
Iv kind of given up tbh but is it really bad to try to get one even though I dont know how to talk to them or have the proper money to treat them to things they might want to do?

It is not wrong...I do this myself as I have never dated or had a bf. This used to be enough for me but not so much anymore and it is one of the reasons I am back in therapy. I have many, many things to deal with and overcome before I can get there but I am taking baby steps.

I also believe that where you live makes a difference. Even if I wanted to attempt dating, I wouldn’t bother because of the city I live in. It is a miserable, unfriendly place and the bar/entertainment district is nothing but hot people in the 20’s getting drunk...i.e. the total opposite of me. There is little to no opportunities here and I am hoping to get to tje point where I can move to a another city in a nearby state...a city that is more vibrant, friendly and has much more going for it. Until I move to this city, everything else is on hold.
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post #27 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-05-2019, 11:39 AM Thread Starter
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It is not wrong...I do this myself as I have never dated or had a bf. This used to be enough for me but not so much anymore and it is one of the reasons I am back in therapy. I have many, many things to deal with and overcome before I can get there but I am taking baby steps.

I also believe that where you live makes a difference. Even if I wanted to attempt dating, I wouldn’t bother because of the city I live in. It is a miserable, unfriendly place and the bar/entertainment district is nothing but hot people in the 20’s getting drunk...i.e. the total opposite of me. There is little to no opportunities here and I am hoping to get to tje point where I can move to a another city in a nearby state...a city that is more vibrant, friendly and has much more going for it. Until I move to this city, everything else is on hold.
omg yass!

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post #28 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-06-2019, 03:22 PM
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As long as they only have two legs.
Does this count?


Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
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post #29 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-06-2019, 04:02 PM
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Be careful with that! As a huge daydreamer myself, I like imagining various stories in my head, such as meeting amazing people I know I have little chance of meeting in real life. Even stories from fantasy worlds. As a result, I'm afraid, I've imagined so many amazing relationships I could have, that I kind of lost interest in real life partners, since I know they will never live up to my fictional partners.

A Japanese princess... A North Korean officer who escapes the country and teaches martial arts in the US... A beautiful elf ranger from Forgotten Realms... An Ardat-Yakshi Asari from Mass Effect hiding her identity... A female Sith from Star Wars who turned against her empire... A succubus from Forgotten Realms sentenced to forever fight in the Blood War who I need to rescue...

When your imaginary partners are like that, who can you possibly meet in real life who will come even close?
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post #30 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-08-2019, 12:44 AM
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As long as you recognize it as a fantasy at the end of the day, and not take it too far and devote hundreds of hours to it. I played over 5,000 hours of video games many years ago, which is a fantasy world, but that is different.

I went from being in your same situation to dating gorgeous women, to now being back to where I originally was. I am completely confused and crushed and demoralized as to how I was able to date these women and now end up where I started, zero interest from anyone. I am considering becoming celibate, partially by choice. I have had too many screwed up toxic relationships where I attract negative or unstable people. I also am convinced I turn off most women initially and I am average or below average in looks. I look very creepy, and when i finally do talk to people I tend to say creepy things or talk like a robot.

From my experience with women, it is never as perfect as it is made out in the movies, or as you would see at first glance in public. If you want to have sex, she may not feel like it and want to just sit in silence that night. If she has a major event in her life or tragedy, she may want to not see you for a few weeks or a month until it is sorted out, especially if kids are involved. It isn't like with a girlfriend, someone is always on call to support you or be there for sex or companionship. I think you can find those things here and there mixed in, but it is pretty rare. Some women i was with gave great advice, but it was in between us arguing or whatever chaos was going in in public. That was a huge misconception I had about women and relationships, that the person you were with was a solid rock, and you were kind of adding a support system and a superwoman to lift you up and whatever. All those things are scattered in between arguing and whatever obstacles come up in your lives. A big problem is, if you are seeing someone, and they go through some tragedy or problem, you must be able to say to them, "I am ok with you needing a month or two alone while you figure this out or deal with this" if that is what she needs. If you are single, you are not expecting any human contact. If you like or love that person or are obsessed with them, being able to give them space for an extended period for whatever reason is hard as freaking HELL.
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post #31 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-08-2019, 04:07 AM
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As with all things it depends on how often you do it and if it's impeding function. Balance. A healthy imagination that stays pretty close to reality and action you hope to take in the future (for the most part) is all good. However, it can easily become escapism and disordered. Some get lost in elaborate fantasy worlds and lose touch with reality. Or get needs fulfilled in fantasy and no longer feel motivated to act in reality.

So I might imagine what I want to say to someone or giving a good presentation or imagine what kind of relat I want. All healthy uses of imagination. But I'm not gonna actually make up an entire relat with an imaginary person which, imo, is getting into disordered territory.

Btw, you can have a relat without a lot of money. Many women/pple love window shopping, coffee, picnics, walks in the park, relaxing at home and plenty of free/low cost things you can enjoy together. Also, many women have their own means and aren't looking for someone to take care of them. But you can't have a relat if you don't work on your anxiety issues so you're able to talk to them. Work on your anxiety.

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post #32 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-08-2019, 09:19 PM
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But you can't have a relat if you don't work on your anxiety issues so you're able to talk to them. Work on your anxiety.
There are definitely couples where both parties are mentally ill tho
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post #33 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-08-2019, 10:54 PM
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Think it's probably worse to imagine someone else's girlfriend/wife/partner.

Wishing she had a mindblowing GUI
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post #34 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-08-2019, 11:31 PM
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is it really bad if you imagine you have a partner, lik ewhen your comming home from being out about and imagine like they do in the movies
"honey im home!, whatch been upto ma bo?" and so on.
Then you know hangin out and stuff maybe makin plan do go somplace. But cos I dont have alot of much money we would probably just go window dhoppping or get a coffee in one of those fancy coffee houses.

I know it sounds really messed up, but as I never had a GF or a relationship and cos I am totally alone for the last 20 plus years., i only talk to shop workers so...yeah I dont know.

Its just I see the other gutys with GF and wife and I just think why cant I get one too?

If any girls got ideas let me know.
Iv kind of given up tbh but is it really bad to try to get one even though I dont know how to talk to them or have the proper money to treat them to things they might want to do?
i don't think is bad..... i feel like is a way our mind deals with the feeling of loneliness....
as for advise.. i dunno, im pretty bad myself at talking to women..... i tend to avoid them as muh as i can... i kinda feel disgust coming from them when they see me so ...

I cannot Feel ... sorrow, no matter what misery befalls the world,
no matter what you think, what you feel or how you exist...

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post #35 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-09-2019, 12:06 AM
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nah, its not good for a healthy man to not have female contact for a long period of time.
guess im unhealty then........ and women know it somehow... maybe is like a wireless signal, that i transmit my sefl conciousness, doubts and all round low self esteem...
i can see it in their eyes, the disgust, like im some kind of black plague carrier...
so i rely on my imagination to have someone to talk when i feel down

"from me.... to me"

I cannot Feel ... sorrow, no matter what misery befalls the world,
no matter what you think, what you feel or how you exist...

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post #36 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-09-2019, 12:09 AM
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it's only wrong if you meet some judgemental priviliged buttwipe who's never known adversity or loneliness in their life.


my home greets me when I arrive (yes it's a smart home, not it's not a frikkin Alexa or some other Skynet bullshxt), and I respond.

I have strongly considered getting a sex doll so i can force myself to develop feelings for it (i think surrogate attachment is a more fitting term than just "feelings" tho) so i can receive simulated sex and comfort.

I will create a soul for the doll, but i will never believe (as in "on faith") that the doll is actually alive, like an objectosexual would, altho objectosexuals seem to focus on buildings , rocks and furniture etc. but, as is my main point here; they genuinely believe that objects are sentient.

i really have no qualms at all about wanting to emulate or actually emulating sex/romance/friendship. it's your brain, do whatever you want!
if you have the power to conjure something that almost feels like a real relationship and it's not making your life worse; do it.


i also often anthropomorphize/deify cannabis so i may refer to "talking to MJ", "let's see what Mary Jane thinks about this", "yo MJ, it's been a while", and the like, but now i'm steering into more personally metaphysical aspects of this topic so i'll cut myself short inste


Automates smart home sounds like a nice idea, just don't give it GLaDOS's voice and personality

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post #37 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-09-2019, 01:42 AM
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Fantasizing is perfectly normal! I've relied on fantasies for years; they fill the time every night while I'm waiting for the insomnia to let me sleep. Sometimes I imagine myself, but usually I imagine a different 'version' of myself or someone else completely, like a protagonist in a game or story. I create these elaborate scenarios in my head for weeks or months on end, down to the really fine details because I'm really detail-oriented. I sometimes imagine everyday things like you describe. Occasionally I'll even feel inspired enough to write them out, even though no one else can ever read them.

But when you go from imagining to acting, that might cause problems. Especially if you go out "together" when you're really just by yourself -- it might be okay for you personally but other people would probably be creeped out. I feel like, when you try to "force" your fantasies into reality, you're inevitably going to run into problems -- which could potentially lead to new or worsened mental illness. I'd hesitate to say you definitely should not do this, as everyone is different and maybe it could work out for you, if you really don't care what anyone else thinks. But be cautious about it.

Just my two cents.

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post #38 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-09-2019, 03:17 AM
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Iv kind of given up tbh but is it really bad to try to get one even though I dont know how to talk to them
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There are definitely couples where both parties are mentally ill tho
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Of course, but per OP, he doesn't know how to talk to women. I mean, I assume mentally ill couples talk. I'm not even sure how you'd get in a relationship without being able to carry a convo. So he has to work on his anxiety to at least be able to have a convo to get in a relat- where they can then choose to be quiet and anxious together lol.

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post #39 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-09-2019, 05:09 AM
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Of course, but per OP, he doesn't know how to talk to women. I mean, I assume mentally ill couples talk. I'm not even sure how you'd get in a relationship without being able to carry a convo. So he has to work on his anxiety to at least be able to have a convo to get in a relat- where they can then choose to be quiet and anxious together lol.
thx for expounding

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post #40 of 89 (permalink) Old 05-09-2019, 05:14 AM
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"It does not do to dwell on dreams Harry."


Actually a pretty good line in a series full of platitudes and simplistic horse cockery. But what can I say. Hell yeah I daydream all the time, about anything and everything to various degrees, but at a certain point I have to recognize what is bull**** and what is reality, and act accordingly. I would accord the same logic to anyone else. As we all know, a mental substitute will never be a replacement for the real thing.



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