Social Anxiety Forum

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-   -   Is it wrong to imagine a girlfriend or wife/partner (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/is-it-wrong-to-imagine-a-girlfriend-or-wife-partner-2222947/)

Chereogo 04-26-2019 07:25 AM

Is it wrong to imagine a girlfriend or wife/partner
 
is it really bad if you imagine you have a partner, lik ewhen your comming home from being out about and imagine like they do in the movies
"honey im home!, whatch been upto ma bo?" and so on.
Then you know hangin out and stuff maybe makin plan do go somplace. But cos I dont have alot of much money we would probably just go window dhoppping or get a coffee in one of those fancy coffee houses.

I know it sounds really messed up, but as I never had a GF or a relationship and cos I am totally alone for the last 20 plus years., i only talk to shop workers so...yeah I dont know.

Its just I see the other gutys with GF and wife and I just think why cant I get one too?

If any girls got ideas let me know.
Iv kind of given up tbh but is it really bad to try to get one even though I dont know how to talk to them or have the proper money to treat them to things they might want to do?

Entrensik 04-26-2019 07:58 AM

I've never had a gf either and I do fantasize about being with one at times it's only natural I suppose. I do know this though, everything in life is about confidence and to have confidence is to believe. So as they say "whether you believe you can or whether you believe you can't, your right."

Take the pain that comes from not having a gf and transfuse it into motivation to learn about self improvement and how to build attraction with women and if you believe strongly enough, you might just get what your looking for.


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Chereogo 04-26-2019 10:26 AM

Reply my tread answer to my question

Cool Ice Dude55 04-26-2019 11:44 AM

it's not wrong. it's normal to fantasize about things you want.

Persephone The Dread 04-26-2019 12:46 PM

I sort of do this. I don't imagine doing stuff with them in the real world, and I don't usually imagine it in the detail/realism you've described typically. I mostly just imagine sex stuff or them wearing certain outfits, or fantastical stuff, and sometimes they reassure me/calm me down. I give them different parts too like sometimes they'll be a princess.

I also have on/off imagined other people in a relationship with each other and created stories in my mind, like reading a book/watching TV before I go to sleep. I also sometimes did that as a teenager on long car journeys when bored. Sometimes my own characters, but usually whatever pairings I was shipping at a certain time. These were usually more immersive but it's been a while now, about a year I think.

The last time was with AM/Ted from I Have No Mouth But I Must Scream. I started reading part of it online and thought the dynamic AM had with the others seemed interesting. So I looked up fanfiction and found a short one chapter Ted/AM fanfic which involved AM (who is an AI,) taking the form of a Human male with the goal of impregnating Ted. There's lots of violent parts including failed attempts at pregnancy (because Ted is also male,) but this was one of only about four fanfics, one of which was a crack fic where AM got together with Garfield I think.. So I decided to create a sequel in my mind that I added to before sleeping for a few weeks or so. Not particularly interesting Ted runs away to another continent that AM doesn't have control over or something but he ends up finding him and bla bla bla.

This perhaps doesn't answer you question, but I believe some people feel better about themselves when comparing themselves to weirder people.

I can't quite decide where the line should be about what I share on this forum. I guess I don't care often anymore. Being a bit antisocial (not asocial and also not the personality disorder,) and having social anxiety at the same time is an odd mix, but I digress.

roxslide 04-26-2019 03:01 PM

No I don't think so. If you take it very far like getting a doll and talking to it like it was real, then that could be a bit dysfunctional. Not that I'm one to judge.

I talk to myself and my cat but I don't really fantasize about a partner. Sometimes I guess I talk or send messages to "the void". Like I'll write a letter or even text or email myself. But it's usually just to get my feelings out or to break the silence, something like that.

TheForestWasDark 04-26-2019 03:11 PM

Thinking back, i may have missed a some chances working as a cashier. There were times when I had decent convos with a few girls that were around my age. Even once or twice my coworker witnessed it and was like " you should have asked her out, she was totally into you!" She literally left the store with a huge smile on her face so it could have been true.. But i literally have no idea how to pick up on signals and don't know if they are interested or jus being nice. Once a girl was like, "so im in town for the week and just bored" out of nowhere so i guess that was a giveaway but w.e.

truant 04-26-2019 04:07 PM

I hope not. Since I write stories about, uh ... dating men all the time.

harrison 04-26-2019 04:39 PM

I don't see how it could be seen as wrong - except maybe that it might stop you from getting into an actual relationship in some way.

tea111red 04-26-2019 10:01 PM

no, lol. i thought this was normal.

Blue Dino 04-27-2019 01:25 AM

Probably one of those closeted common things with people dealing with long term chronic loneliness.

versikk 04-27-2019 02:58 AM

it's only wrong if you meet some judgemental priviliged buttwipe who's never known adversity or loneliness in their life.


my home greets me when I arrive (yes it's a smart home, not it's not a frikkin Alexa or some other Skynet bullshxt), and I respond.

I have strongly considered getting a sex doll so i can force myself to develop feelings for it (i think surrogate attachment is a more fitting term than just "feelings" tho) so i can receive simulated sex and comfort.

I will create a soul for the doll, but i will never believe (as in "on faith") that the doll is actually alive, like an objectosexual would, altho objectosexuals seem to focus on buildings , rocks and furniture etc. but, as is my main point here; they genuinely believe that objects are sentient.

i really have no qualms at all about wanting to emulate or actually emulating sex/romance/friendship. it's your brain, do whatever you want!
if you have the power to conjure something that almost feels like a real relationship and it's not making your life worse; do it.


i also often anthropomorphize/deify cannabis so i may refer to "talking to MJ", "let's see what Mary Jane thinks about this", "yo MJ, it's been a while", and the like, but now i'm steering into more personally metaphysical aspects of this topic so i'll cut myself short inste

rabidfoxes 04-27-2019 03:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by versikk (Post 1093699363)
my home greets me when I arrive (yes it's a smart home, not it's not a frikkin Alexa or some other Skynet bullshxt), and I respond.

What set up do you have?

versikk 04-27-2019 04:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rabidfoxes (Post 1093699369)
What set up do you have?

  • 1x Win7 running EventGhost (WIP-2019.03.10-20.11.47) (with several plugins). Custom scripts written in Python and AHK (i'm a terrible coder so i mostly do cut 'n paste edits of other people's scripts).
  • 3x Android devices running Tasker (with several plugins). [unfortunately uses google's servers for a lot of the communication. LOL.]

and obviously configured out the wazoo so i don't even know what half the scripts/configs do any more. been building since 2013.

findyourself 04-27-2019 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Entrensik (Post 1093698413)
I've never had a gf either and I do fantasize about being with one at times it's only natural I suppose. I do know this though, everything in life is about confidence and to have confidence is to believe. So as they say "whether you believe you can or whether you believe you can't, your right."

Take the pain that comes from not having a gf and transfuse it into motivation to learn about self improvement and how to build attraction with women and if you believe strongly enough, you might just get what your looking for.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Confidence is bull**** bro. If some fatass guy came walking into a bar with all the confidence in the world, people will just think he’s some obnoxious tryhard. We have to accept reality and then work with what we have. It’s just like those UFC fights.. everyone’s says “oh, I KNOW I can beat this guy. I promise I will.”..... well, how does one actually KNOW that? Can they see the future?

Confidence is a lie. Being realistic is the key.

rabidfoxes 04-27-2019 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by versikk (Post 1093699443)
  • 1x Win7 running EventGhost (WIP-2019.03.10-20.11.47) (with several plugins). Custom scripts written in Python and AHK (i'm a terrible coder so i mostly do cut 'n paste edits of other people's scripts).
  • 3x Android devices running Tasker (with several plugins). [unfortunately uses google's servers for a lot of the communication. LOL.]
and obviously configured out the wazoo so i don't even know what half the scripts/configs do any more. been building since 2013.

Interesting. Wouldn't work for me as I try not to touch Google-anything and I don't run Windows, but still interesting. I've had a Pi enthusiast tell me how you can rig up Pis to do a lot of stuff at home, but I never felt I had the time to throw at such a big project (as in, big if you have to learn from the basics). But I do admire from afar.

versikk 04-27-2019 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rabidfoxes (Post 1093699527)
Interesting. Wouldn't work for me as I try not to touch Google-anything and I don't run Windows, but still interesting. I've had a Pi enthusiast tell me how you can rig up Pis to do a lot of stuff at home, but I never felt I had the time to throw at such a big project (as in, big if you have to learn from the basics). But I do admire from afar.

:smile2:

you can build a smart home using any Linux/Arduino/Pi combo if you want, but it's for people with more discipline and patience than me =P

if you're crazy about it , you can spend an insane amount of time and money on smart homes. which i can't and won't.

SilentLyric 04-27-2019 11:53 AM

nah, its not good for a healthy man to not have female contact for a long period of time.

Chereogo 04-27-2019 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilentLyric (Post 1093699809)
nah, its not good for a healthy man to not have female contact for a long period of time.

what to do?

Entrensik 04-27-2019 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by findyourself (Post 1093699445)
Confidence is bull**** bro. If some fatass guy came walking into a bar with all the confidence in the world, people will just think he’s some obnoxious tryhard. We have to accept reality and then work with what we have. It’s just like those UFC fights.. everyone’s says “oh, I KNOW I can beat this guy. I promise I will.”..... well, how does one actually KNOW that? Can they see the future?



Confidence is a lie. Being realistic is the key.



I knew a fat guy growing up that would always be in relationships with the most stunning women. He had no insecurities. He obviously didn't look like he lived on the street either he was just naturally fat.

You clearly don't understand how attraction works and without confidence you'll achieve nothing. Confidence alone can eventually get anyone a gf it's not that hard. The one point I do agree with in regards to reality is that if you don't know how to build attraction with women your just gonna get whatever your worth. 10's date 10's and 5's date 5's that I do agree with. Other then that if you don't walk around scared of everyone and extremely insecure or really shy when interacting with a girl, if you put yourself out there enough you'll get something.


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