: well, that's great for you!
: Well, yeah, I admit it is... but isn't it ok to admit defeat sometimes?
: I'm a little bit confused... so, if I retreat for now, it will only make it harder after? I mean, I've come to a point of truly believing I will never be successful at relationships, I just can't seem to have the necessary social skills to do so.
: Yeah, to me it's still quite scary to feel I will be alone forever, but considering what I've lived so far, I've always been alone anyway. It's not like I've ever had a true friend I could truly rely on or a family member I could depend on...even my mother would depend on me and my father was always absent. I am the eldest of three siblings so my brother and sister always depended on me, never the other way around.
That is exactly how I feel, like I'm trapped and no matter how hard I try to communicate with others, it always backfires... people always end up leaving me alone... I think another fact that contributes is the fact that I am so independent and, as they say, way too "smart". I was just talking to a "friend" of mine with whom we've shared a few things, but she showed me tonight that it is always the same: I am always on the listener's end, comforting her when she's in trouble. I told her I was feeling quite down and what she said was: "But you are so smart! You'll figure it out!" And so we kept talking about her and her problems.
I don't know why people think "geniuses" can't have problems. (I said genius because that's how my "friends" call me all the time, simply because I know how to do a lot of things, I'm creative, I learn pretty fast and I speak five languages... but I don't think that's such a great thing... it's actually quite annoying sometimes).
Thank you so much for the link!! I will check it out!!
: Thanks, well, yeah, this past week I've been alone as my flatmate had vacations from her job and went to trip with her boyfriend. It kind fluctuated: at the beginning I felt at ease, then, as the days passed, I began to feel quite discouraged and lonely and now I'm feeling quite better. I have more neighbors and one of them told me that he would invite me to have lunch with him on one of these days but that never happened... I like to think maybe he was busy or maybe he just didn't feel like it... I mean, my head keeps telling me it is because I'm annoying and undesirable but I try not to think of it that way. Maybe he just forgot or yeah, it's ok if he doesn't like my company, I mean, it's not like he's obligated to do so.
But yeah, being alone for a while is quite relaxing...
everyone says that, that because I'm a woman I will have it easier but that has never been the case for me. Yes, I'm a woman, but I'm not a beautiful woman men would want to date. The men I've met in my life have always avoided me, claiming I was way too much of an "intellectual" or "way too smart" for them. Nobody likes the "genius girl" (as some of them called me), honestly, nobody likes a nerdy girl. To the men I've met, "being smart" is no way sexually attractive. So no, it hasn't been any easier because I'm a girl. The other men I've met in my life have treated me badly simply because I'm a woman and they consider me to be less than them just because of my gender.
Yeah, I know humans are awful, the main reason why I was already giving up on this. I'm tired of humans and their egos. I hate myself as well for being a human.