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post #1 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 07:56 AM Thread Starter
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Introverted


I'm a 26 yr old female, single, employed full time. I'm an introvert and a total loner. I don't usually like making new friends or getting to know people. I easily feel drained so I can only do human contact in small doses. That's my introversion though. I have social anxiety to the point that I hate going to the malls. I do all to avoid crowds filled with humans at all cost. But that's the thing, I can't even go to social events because of my anxiety. I also hate socializing because of past experiences as well, so that usually makes my anxiety sky rocket when I'm around people. I've been mentally emotionally and physically scarred by past experiences involving people. I put a barb wired fence around me at all times to not let people in. I enjoy researching online, reading the news, YouTubing, Hulu, electronics and delicacies. Is it weird for a 26 yr old female to not spend weekends hanging out, socializing, etc..? I have no desire to do those things. Hell, I won't even go to a club because I'm sure I'll get into a fight and break someone's nose. I'm sorry if this sounds jumbled, I forgot where I was headed with this. But I think it's to put emphasis on the fact that I'm almost 30 and still a nerd/ loner. Is this unusual? I don't even hang out. I got to work, school, and have zero fun unless if u count my nights watching hulu or YouTubing or researching online. I just have no desire for people . But I think deep down I feel like a failure and maybe that's why I don't bother socializing hence my social anxiety? This makes zero sense lol .
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post #2 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 09:24 AM
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You are abnormal according to society's "standards". It's a good thing you still manage to get a job? What is your job and what degree are you pursuing?
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post #3 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 10:11 AM
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Oh I know this one..

Well, apart from being 27 and male but most of the other stuff is very familiar

I'm quite happy to be an introvert, I have no desire to go out socializing/clubbing whatever, I've done it before and its not even anxiety I just plain don't like it

I work full time, come home and spend my nights on youtube, finding nerdy little projects to work on or video games/films.

loner nerd, hurtling towards 30..check

but yes, feeling like a loser so possibly not bothering? I tried to type something out like this before but I made a mess of it and deleted the thread as it was awkward trying to read it back, what I wanted to write down didnt come out exactly as planned, the whole conflicting battle I go through with my brain everyday
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post #4 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 12:28 PM
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Except for the job part I can relate to everything your saying. Also like the guy above me I've come to terms with being an introvert and am happy with it now. Always find new stuff to do online and around the house. If only my comp would be fixed soon this tablet is killing me lol.
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post #5 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 01:28 PM
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I'm the same, I'm 28 also female and single, I had issues with agoraphobia my whole life but with much work and therapy and previously medication I have it under control but I still don't go out. I didn't even leave the house today. I dislike being in public a lot and do my shopping in the early morning or at night to avoid crowds.
I think it is normal when we can accept this is how he are and lose the guilt. Because there's a lot of people like us, and I think we need to accept ourselves more. If we accepted ourselves we wouldn't feel so bad about it but it does get lonely.
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post #6 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 10:09 PM Thread Starter
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You are abnormal according to society's "standards". It's a good thing you still manage to get a job? What is your job and what degree are you pursuing?
It is indeed a good thing I still manage to hold my job of almost 9 years. You worry about your money, and I'll worry about mine. Are u somehow better than me that u would say, "It's a good thing you still manage to get a job?" Or do u just think u r? You must be on the wrong damn thread .
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post #7 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 10:21 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by anomnomnom View Post
Oh I know this one..

Well, apart from being 27 and male but most of the other stuff is very familiar

I'm quite happy to be an introvert, I have no desire to go out socializing/clubbing whatever, I've done it before and its not even anxiety I just plain don't like it

I work full time, come home and spend my nights on youtube, finding nerdy little projects to work on or video games/films.

loner nerd, hurtling towards 30..check

but yes, feeling like a loser so possibly not bothering? I tried to type something out like this before but I made a mess of it and deleted the thread as it was awkward trying to read it back, what I wanted to write down didnt come out exactly as planned, the whole conflicting battle I go through with my brain everyday

That's what happened to me when I decided to write my thread but I still submitted it lol. I usually write much better than what u replied to, but my mind was all over the place as I was typing. You sound exactly like me in a lot of ways, just a male version. I'm glad I'm not alone in this world.

What are some of your nerdy projects u do ? I'm curious and interested since I don't do much but read or YouTube or movies. I also do crafts that involve some type of painting, haha. The only thing I actually love to do outdoors and that's with one other person, is play tennis . But I don't like people around or else I end up leaving because my anxiety rises.
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post #8 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 10:25 PM Thread Starter
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Except for the job part I can relate to everything your saying. Also like the guy above me I've come to terms with being an introvert and am happy with it now. Always find new stuff to do online and around the house. If only my comp would be fixed soon this tablet is killing me lol.

I'm interested in knowing what other introverts do because I know my schedule can be a total snooze fest lol! What are some things you like doing that entails just being at home ?
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post #9 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 10:25 PM
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You would be unusual to a lot of society. On this forum, you fit right in. I'm pretty much the same as you. I avoid crowded places at pretty much all costs. If I have to be in one, I get what I need and get out as soon as possible. Agoraphobia is a problem when my anxiety is at its highest.

I also have very little desire to socialise. I don't feel like a loser for not doing so. I spend almost all of my time at home and on my own. I'm introverted and don't enjoy the company of others very much. I have an issue with being unable to socialise normally when I have to. The agoraphobia is also a problem.

You work and look after yourself. I'd say you're not a loser. Many people can't work and look after themselves.
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post #10 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 10:36 PM Thread Starter
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I'm the same, I'm 28 also female and single, I had issues with agoraphobia my whole life but with much work and therapy and previously medication I have it under control but I still don't go out. I didn't even leave the house today. I dislike being in public a lot and do my shopping in the early morning or at night to avoid crowds.
I think it is normal when we can accept this is how he are and lose the guilt. Because there's a lot of people like us, and I think we need to accept ourselves more. If we accepted ourselves we wouldn't feel so bad about it but it does get lonely.
I do my shopping the exact same way. If by some miracle I manage to convince myself to go when it's super busy, I go to the self check out line, and I become extremely on edge but I somehow make it through. I think It's because I become aggressive in the stores so I end up getting that done quickly lol. I'm soo uncomfortable in crowds. :/

I think it bothers me the most because I feel soo different, like an outcast from family members, acquaintances, etc.. I'm sure I will eventually come to terms of accepting myself, it will just take me time.
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post #11 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 10:48 PM Thread Starter
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You would be unusual to a lot of society. On this forum, you fit right in. I'm pretty much the same as you. I avoid crowded places at pretty much all costs. If I have to be in one, I get what I need and get out as soon as possible. Agoraphobia is a problem when my anxiety is at its highest.

I also have very little desire to socialise. I don't feel like a loser for not doing so. I spend almost all of my time at home and on my own. I'm introverted and don't enjoy the company of others very much. I have an issue with being unable to socialise normally when I have to. The agoraphobia is also a problem.

You work and look after yourself. I'd say you're not a loser. Many people can't work and look after themselves.
Nathan I'm sorry to hear that I get a sense you're still very strong..

I guess I've just felt like I am not doing right because I don't socialize. Atleast this is what I've always heard from most people I've known all my life. They'd tell me to push myself, but that never helped but made me feel trapped.

Thank you so much for that, you gave me a whole other perspective. I'm grateful, and what u said is very true. I just got these issues I need to work through.

When you're at home, what do u do if u don't mind me asking ? I want to find new things to do on my down time as well lol..
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post #12 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 11:32 PM
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teheeheehee..

I think the consensus here is that SAers prefer the comforts of their own home rather than go out and socialize. I'm also very much the same. No desire to socialize whatsoever.

It does bother me at times though and I wonder...if that's because deep down I do in fact want to socialize? Or because it doesn't fit the societal norm? I don't know. I want to say it is completely normal and acceptable behavior...being a social hermit...but probably it's symptomatic behavior of SA? Shrugs

At this point though, forcing myself to go out and perform certain tasks and functions on the weekends to try and be social seems unrewarding and full of mind ****ery. I like to think that what you typically do on Friday night isn't really an important indication of what kind of person you are.

"Don't let your special character and values, the secret that you know and no one else does, the truth - don't let that get swallowed up by the great chewing complacency. " -Aesop
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post #13 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2014, 12:02 AM
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Nathan I'm sorry to hear that I get a sense you're still very strong..

I guess I've just felt like I am not doing right because I don't socialize. Atleast this is what I've always heard from most people I've known all my life. They'd tell me to push myself, but that never helped but made me feel trapped.

Thank you so much for that, you gave me a whole other perspective. I'm grateful, and what u said is very true. I just got these issues I need to work through.

When you're at home, what do u do if u don't mind me asking ? I want to find new things to do on my down time as well lol..
Haha, I don't know about that, but thanks.

Yeah, most people will always say that. My dad continues to tell me that he wishes I would socialise more. He doesn't understand how I can stay in my room all day on my own. I don't think there's anything wrong with this lifestyle. The issues are when you feel uncomfortable when you have to do social things. If I ever make it to a position where I'm comfortable to do the basic social things, I will be much happier within myself.

That's no problem. I think you should feel good about yourself. You have held down a job for quite a few years. It can be really tough to do with SA. Especially in some of the more socially demanding jobs.

I spend a lot of time gaming, surfing the internet (forums and YouTube), watching TV shows and football. Gaming is the main thing that took up the majority of my time, but I have been doing that even less recently. I have been sleeping a lot more and posting online. I would also like to find some other things to do. I'm not really sure what, though.
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post #14 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2014, 01:35 AM
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There's nothing wrong with you. Just because many people like clubbing doesn't mean we all have to. You're not a failure. If you don't like socializing and you're okay with it then forget what other think about it.
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post #15 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2014, 12:21 PM
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That's what happened to me when I decided to write my thread but I still submitted it lol. I usually write much better than what u replied to, but my mind was all over the place as I was typing. You sound exactly like me in a lot of ways, just a male version. I'm glad I'm not alone in this world.

What are some of your nerdy projects u do ? I'm curious and interested since I don't do much but read or YouTube or movies. I also do crafts that involve some type of painting, haha. The only thing I actually love to do outdoors and that's with one other person, is play tennis . But I don't like people around or else I end up leaving because my anxiety rises.
Well I play around with web design/some graphics (which helps since thats half my job, even though I'm not very good, god knows how i got employed) I do some basic 3d things for people, also had to do it at work, just some basic models/layout plans etc.

I'm quite into the whole home cinema thing even though I don't have the room for it but I spend a lot of time building machines out of old bits/trying different operating systems on them for media playback and stuff , basically just trying to find a use for pc hardware which i spend far too much on

I get OCD at times and feel the need to reorganise my entire room to make it a bit more "optimized" to give me more space, which then involves mass binning of junk and mass listing stuff on ebay.

Then ive got the usual watching films/playing video games, I've got idea of other things I Want to get into because I still get bored a lot of the time, oddly one of which is take up snowboarding/skiing because I think it would be one of the very few "sports" i could tolerate, but I don't have anyone to go with, even to an indoor one. I'd like to get involved in computer case modding too actually (god I'm such a nerd) Though this would involve playing around with dremels, cutting metal/soldering/learning to apply "paint" properly..and stuff, In general I quite like the whole DIY thing (just not bloody wallpapering but creating stuff) I know what you mean though, I don't want to do things in public, I'd imagine everyone would be watching me even though the reality is no ones probably noticed me
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post #16 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2014, 01:09 PM
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There's nothing wrong with you. Just because many people like clubbing doesn't mean we all have to. You're not a failure. If you don't like socializing and you're okay with it then forget what other think about it.
this exactly. if you can honestly say you are truly happy with the way your life is, then it shouldn't really matter what others think or what society expects. the issue for a lot of us here is that we want to have a social life but we don't have the necessary skills or experience.

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"But I'm not good at anything!" Well, I have good news -- throw enough hours of repetition at it and you can get sort of good at anything.

Don't like the prospect of pouring all of that time into a skill? The good news is that the sheer act of practicing will help you come out of your shell. People quit because it takes too long to see results, because they can't figure out that the process is the result.
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post #17 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2014, 01:18 PM
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I'm the same, I'm 28 also female and single, I had issues with agoraphobia my whole life but with much work and therapy and previously medication I have it under control
Well done, seriously, that sounds difficult.
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post #18 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2014, 01:20 PM
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To me, the ultimate goal in life is happiness. Whatever makes you happy - strive for that, even if you need to make sacrifices to get there. For you, it sounds like you are very content being a loner and being to yourself. If that is what makes you happy, why change that? Why force a lifestyle change? Don't compare yourself to other people - because different people have different ways that they obtain their happiness.

I guess in a way you could say you're "lucky". I have social anxiety but I WANT to be with other people. I WANT interaction. I'd love to not want that - and then I wouldn't care. So yeah, if you're happy where you're at and happy with who you are - count your blessings and don't change a thing!
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post #19 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2014, 03:04 PM
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I can truly say that I am much happier being alone. I get out by going to the library and taking my laptop with me to communicate. As for stores, I hate them. I get in and get out as fast as I can. The more people there are, the more I panic.
I hate crowds. I just prefer being at home in my apartment reading or watching tv. I don't have internet so I have to go out for that.
I only have one true friend, my best friend. Other than that, I spend the majority of my days alone, and am perfectly content.
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post #20 of 39 (permalink) Old 01-27-2014, 03:08 PM
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hello female version of me

I am the flame that burns brightest, a flame that lights the night, a flame that shatters the darkness... I am a flaming Moltres!
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