I'm Such A Horrible Friend
I dunno why I'm such a horrible friend. Yesterday I was hanging out with some friends to watch the game. After the first game, we wanted to change venues. As usual when we are leaving, the one friend always end up staying behind, for some reason. It's like every time we go out, his *** wanders somewhere else as we are leaving, we try to find him for 1/2 an hour and he is left behind. Then he calls to complain where we are as soon as were home.
This time, we waited like 5 minutes outside, I call a friend in the meantime and I see my one friend from the window of the bar. He is just sitting there with another drink, not even talking to a chick, just doing absolutely nothing!!!!! While I was talking to a separate friend on the phone, my other friend who was waiting me was pushing me like hey, let's go get him from the bar, but more like drunk and talking to me like a dog. The bar was noisy and I was talking to a friend on the phone at the same time. At that moment, I was set off and started yelling at my friend to just ****ing go get him.
He does and when the one friend who's been delaying us comes out, he starts whining and when he did, I called him a piece of **** and basically told him how I felt, how when we leave, he wanders off, then calls to complain. Also, I still harbor some resentment from one time I felt he let me down when I asked him for one favor and he couldn't return it when I did many for him in the past.
I feel like an incredibly ****ty person. I shouldn't have been angry about these things. I'm sure it affected my relationship with him. He's a pretty good friend of mine, but I been pretty abusive to him recently. I can act like a real jackass sometimes.
Don't beat yourself up - everyone snaps here and there.
It's like when you keep apologizing, it loses values when you keep making the same mistakes. I want to apologize, but it's lost too much value. I have an anger problem, I try to manage it, but sometimes it comes out. After a certain point, it's like damn, you are that messed up, this is who you are.
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